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LONG BLOG

Of conflict and frustration...

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Sorry, I'm really digging Wonder Boy and the Dragon's Trap

2020 has been a very long, challenging year. I'm dead beat exhausted. Well, I think it's safe to say we all are...but this is my blog damn it, so I'm going to rant! You can read along if ya like. Or you can say "eh, fuck you JuIc3". You do you. 

You know, I can't think of a time in my 31 year old life that I've felt this much conflict and tension in my daily personal life. I'm like most of you really, I'd just assume play my video games, do my job, and go to sleep. I prefer to keep things simple, and I honestly don't like conflict very much. I don't. I AM very opinionated on certain things, but that's another story. 

I feel anxiety in everything I do now. I get on facebook, and see misleading ads and 'friends' posting stupid commentary. I get on Twitter and...well shit, just look at the trending and you've already drowned. Social media has always been a hot mess, but it's even more so this year. 

These two are at the heart of it all. It's bleeding into social media even more because the old farts in Washington are finally starting to understand how the internet works. We had a good run there in the late 90s and 2000's, but they're finally catching up. It's fucking horrible. Just when the internet, for me, was becoming an ally and a great asset for educational/insightful purposes, these crusty old bastards jump in and ruin it for everyone. It's like when that popular app suddently gets an influx of family and grandparents and suddenly...yeah, that app isn't quite as appealing as it once was. 

And people are more opinionated now then ever. It's a blessing and a curse. Yeah, I'm on the side of BLM, and I think peaceful protesting is appropriate given the current circumstances of our law enforcement system. Then again, we also have a stupid virus spreading around that we really know very little about and have yet to come up with a legitimate vaccine for. It's becoming a giant cesspool of violence, chaos, hatred, and destruction. 

Then there's me. Father of an almost 2 year old daughter, and soon a son. Husband to a wife that works tirelessly to support me and take care of said kids. Educator, to a group of young and enthusiastic students who are going through so much fucked up shit right now that lord knows what their generation is going to turn out like. 

It. Sucks. 

I can't be overly excited about anything right now. I get so frustrated, daily, because of everything going on. I try to isolate myself from it - stay off of social media, play video games, play games with my daughter. You know, normal strategies to alleviate the frustration. But I can't. 

I'm a people pleaser by nature. I like to help people. I like to solve problems. When I can't, I feel like I'm at my lowest. It's just who I am. I can't really help anyone right now, because I can't really even help myself. It's tedious, for sure. 

I really want to be excited for the next generation of gaming, but even that is affected  by everything going on. Microsoft and Sony are hesitant to share system prices, and we're about 2 and a half months away from launch. I get the feeling these things are going to be a lot more costly then we are anticipating, and that it's going to really hit gamers by shock and frustration. We'll see. 

My hobbies aren't holding up well. I don't know if I'll be able to keep my head straight this year as a teacher. I'm going to do my very best for the kids, because I know that's what they need. 

But man...what a world we live in. 

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About JuIc3one of us since 9:12 AM on 02.12.2017

I eat butts.