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...What am I doing here?


Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Accept Change

We're getting to the half way point of 2019 and boy has there been a lot of change hitting me these past 3 years. So much so, that writing this out feels like all I can do to make sense of the future.

In 2017, I lost my 2-year-old niece to cancer. It was about a week before the Switch released and I was going through a really weird mix of emotions that lead to heavy negativity. Gaming and music (lifelong passions) were becoming trivial things and I was growing distant from my wife.

Why do I play these instruments? I sound like shit and hate them.
Why do I play video games? I suck at all of them and gain nothing.
Why is she still with me? I have no money or personality.

Neither of these passions became a career, and that fed into the negativity. I never *tried* to make them a career, but instead kept my head down and kept working as an electrician, cabinet installer, landscaper, or whatever odd job Florida could offer. That's all on me, because the support I had was monumental. Anyway, the negative mentality kept roaring on and my gaming/music continued to disappear from daily routines.

In 2018, all that hard labor started to take its toll. At the age of 32 I'm waking up with persistent aches in most joints and wondering what the hell could it be. After so many calls and check-ups with FL doctors, the blood work came back saying I tested postive for Lupus or more likely Sjogren's Syndrome, chronic autoimmune diseases.

Luckily, new forms of positivity came to me before getting those results, as a new puppy and a vacation to California. I let go of anger and smiled so much more because of it. Sure, there's this chronic disease to figure out but so what, all I need is support from the new canine buddy and my unflinching wife.
And video games.
And music.

Kakashi In Cali

2019 came in rather quietly, but 5 months in and more change is rolling my way. The job I've counted on to make ends meet for the past three years is disappearing, sjogren's is coming up in spots of brain fog, and there is no fallback plan.

So why am I typing all this into the blog of a video game website? Because Destructoid is the only community I've been a part of in the past decade that isn't related to work or family. The only place I feel comfortable sharing this (for now).It welcomed me with open arms so I want to get a little more active on here with game reviews or whatever else may come up.

My first review will likely be "The MISSING: J.J. Macfield and the Island of Memories" by White Owls Inc. Always been a fan of Swery65 and the dismemberment concept really speaks to me health-wise.

Anyway, I'm ready for change. See you in the Dtoid-o-sphere!

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About Ezo72one of us since 10:12 AM on 05.02.2019