Pokémon Sword and Shield has been revealed as the hot new entry in the virtual cockfighting series, but what are the delightful new features that await visitors to the new Galar region? I only bloody well had a fever dream after drinking a full bottle of Night Nurse and the Queen herself (God Bless Her) told me all about what new features there will be in Pokémon's interpretation of good old Blighty. Tally-ho, chaps!
New Regional Food - Try out some of Galar Region's delightful cuisine such as Magikarp and Chips or Tauros and Kidney Pie!
Galarexit - Exciting side quests in the Galar region deal with the complex and controversial exit from the Pokémon Regional Union. Follow your intrepid adventurer as he or she has to deal with Kalos region lorry strikes and complications around the hard border between Galar and Unova.
Pokémon Stadium Hooligans - Pokémon fans in the Galar Region get a bit rowdy before the match, so expect to deal with skinheads fighting each other and getting hosed down by riot police after having one too many pints of Old Speckled Combusken.
Pokécentre Privitisation - Team Rocket are trying to privatize Pokécentres and rob you of healing your Pokémon for free! Team up with a group of Nurse Joys to record and release a Christmas song that will remind the Galar region to fight to keep Pokécentres free at the point of use.
Pikachu Towers - Stay at a failing seaside hotel with a pompous owner and his bossy wife. They are very sorry about the incompetent waiter; he is from Summerland.
Aron Bru - A strange drink found in the northern parts of the Galar region. It is said to turn your piss orange.
Deep Fried Berries - Another unusual delicacy from the northern part of the Galar region - Pokémon find it surprisingly delicious and it gives a very healthy boost to stats, but may lead to impromptu Pokémon heart attacks while mid-battle.
Nosepasshenge - A mysterious arrangement of Nosepasses built long ago. Some say it was used for religious purposes. Others say that prehistoric settlers built it as a giant calendar. Most people believe that some Stone Age jokers thought it would be a bit of a giggle to stack some Pokémon on top of each other.
Weather - The Galar region is full of weather, which constantly changes. All the people of the Galar region want to do, when they are not complaining about Galarexit, is complain about the weather. It's too hot! It's too cold! It's too wet! It's too dry! Don't worry - they will never be happy.
Trains - Ignore these. They are rarely on time and stop working the moment a leaf hits the tracks.
Language - Form an orderly queue by surname, because if you don't know how to walk on the pavement, go down the apples and pears and turn the tap on to fill up for a cup of Rosy Lee, you're going to come off a right old wanker.
That's enough out of me. I've got to be up at dawn to sing God Save The Queen, leave my flat at Nelson Mandela House, drive a mini metro from the roof in an armchair, and try to get out of the army by pushing two pencils up my nose and going "wibble". Tatty bye!