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LONG BLOG

BoB - So you Can't Stay Dead

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           Halloween is upon us so I guess it's kind of obvious that this month's band-of-bloggers subject would revolve around the undead. Looking back through my notes of what games I've played this month though, there's only one or possibly two games that could count as having the undead. One of those games is called Monster Loves You: it's easy to argue that this is just a graphically enhanced choose-your-own-adventure book where you play the role of a monster from the point at which you spawn in the spawning vat to the point that you either die of old age or are killed once you hit the late stages of adulthood and reincorporated into the spawning vats. Monster Loves You is a very short game but most of the choices you're presented as a monster have a consequence from gaining (or losing) points in one of five stats, gaining or losing respect among the community of monsters or, as I mentioned earlier, death. The way Monster Loves You is presented though is very cute so I would say it's accessible to anybody who is of reading age and I got my copy for free using gold coins on the eShop...so I would guess that it's not only on Steam but it was buried on that platform years ago. 

 

            Double-checking my notes, it looks like I gave Friday the 13th the old college try this month. If you've never played it, then I would strongly recommend that you play Dead by Daylight instead since the premise is exactly the same and Dead by Daylight has DLC featuring characters like Micheal Meyers, Freddy Kruger, Leatherface and, Amanda Young (from Saw...spoiler alert I think). In Friday the 13th, you're told that you can play as Jason Vorhees but in all of my time playing and watching my house-mates play this game, I've never played as or seen anybody play as the iconic killer. As a survivor, in Friday the 13th, you need to escape from whatever map you're on by either radioing the police, repairing one of three vehicles or, calling in Tommy Jarvis to...do something. In Dead by Daylight, you need to repair five generators, open a door and, leave the arena while the killer widdles down your party of four using their unique powers. Friday the 13th does have a spawn preference hidden away in a menu if you enjoy disappointment but, Dead by Daylight guarantees you the ability to play as a killer by just starting up a new group where you, the killer, are the host. I think, I haven't got much of an understanding of how online matchmaking works. Truly, the most damning thing I can say against Friday the 13th is that it lacks two key elements: a Manhattan/boat stage and Jason X. 


(Dead by Daylight also features this original character, The Trapper. I did well on this match months and months ago...)

The only other game I played this month that might be tangentally related to the undead is a game about souls and darkness which launched pretty recently on the Switch. Everybody knows about Dark Souls and since everybody knows about Dark Souls, I get to be that nerd who tries to draw you attention away from your cowboys and horse testicles. So let's see if I can recall some of my more memorable deaths against bosses! During the online stress test, I couldn't kill the Bell Gargoyles but in the full version of the game, I was armed with a Dragon Tail Sword and only died to them once. After that, the next boss I fought was the Moonlight Butterfly which killed me once since I suck at dodging and was paranoid about falling off of the bridge you have to fight it on. Next up is the Capra Demon which I marked down as having killed me five times but I couldn't tell if it killed me all of those times of if its dogs killed me any of those times. The Gaping Dragon couldn't kill me but since I couldn't tell when an AOE-blast attack was about to happen, Quelaag (the 7th boss I fought) was able to kill me 4 times. Speaking of Area of Effect blasts, the Stray Demon is capable of doing those even though the Asylum Demon couldn't thus it was able to kill me once. Ceaseless Discharge hit me with some blasts that I couldn't dodge but it attacked very slowly and it could never seal the deal so I wasn't killed by it. Great Wolf Sif on the other hand, was able to cut me down with Artorias' sword four times (I blame the horizontal, spin-attack). I went on a 2-kill, no-death streak with my next two boss fights and took out the Iron Golem and Pinhead Larry without dying (though Pinwheel did hit me enough times to make me sweat because I suck at dodging magic). Ornstein killed me 3 times, once while in Super Saiyan mode and Smough killed me once without powering up but ironically I was able to kill Smough twice and Ornstein once. I suck at dodging AOE blasts and the Demon Firesage has insane range thus it was able to smack my ass down six freaking times but the Centipede Demon couldn't touch me. The Bed of Chaos smacked and scythed me to death four times and my own inability to jump properly got me killed three more times. Dark Sun Gwyndolin was able to kill me once by using a Shin-Hadouken through a pillar but Crossbreed Prescilla couldn't touch me. I checked out the DLC and was able to kill the Sanctuary Guardian after it killed me five times but I couldn't take out Knight Artorias, who slashed me down 17 times. I leveled and was comfortable enough with the game by then that I was able to kill Gravelord Neato and the Four Kings (four, not five) without them killing me once but Seath the Scaleless did kill me after the supposed-to-lose fight in the tower...though I'm going to blame the clams that followed me into his arena that first time. Finally there's Gwyn, Lord of Cinder who was able to kill me a dozen times before I realized I can parry him then one more time until I was able to bait him into jumping at me enough time to cheese the Hell out of the Parry system. My Chosen Undead, who had been cosplaying as a Ring Wraith since after the Ceaseless Discharge fight, chose to leave the Kiln of the First Flame unlit and become a dark lord. I was listening to Moonspell at the time and that seemed like the most metal decision to make. I haven't even met the second serpent but I didn't like how Frampt kept falling asleep when I wanted to sell him dung and weapons that I didn't want. 


(I do Solaire, I do)

Halloween is upon us and if you're like me, then you haven't got plans or a costume. Thankfully, we can loose ourselves in video games and put ourselves into the lives of characters like a nameless monster, Leatherface or, a chosen undead. Halloween is a time when we can chose to subject ourselves to the horrors of our own mortality and failing metabolism by endulging in candy and horror movie marathons if we so chose. The most important thing to remember during this time of year though is that deep down inside each and every one of us, there is a skeleton just waiting to leap out of our mouths and escape our bodies. I believe it's a serious medical condition called "Bonus Eruptus" so make sure to get yourself checked out now because there are fewer than 60 shopping days before Christmas and we need to all be in top form if we want to get our shopping done as smoothly and violently as possible. 

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About Shoggoth2588one of us since 6:55 AM on 06.03.2013

Hello all! I'm Joe, from Maryland! I've was released the same year as Mega Man 2 but I haven't really been playing games until around the time of Mortal Kombat 2's home release. I'm mostly harmless so if you wanna talk to me send me a message I guess. I'll be around, lurking maybe. I'm not sure yet.