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LONG BLOG

Comments of the Week 60: Before the Bough Breaks

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Hello everyone! Welcome back to another week of fun, perversion and general debauchery. Your ol' buddy Xeo is here to deliver unto you the goods. The cream of the crop. The best. I do it for you!

It's been a bit of a slow week here. We're between major releases and big announcements. There's an absolute tidal wave of big stuff about to drop on our heads in the coming months to close out the second half of 2018. However for now I just gotta work with what I've got. So without further ado, enjoy!

 

 

Xeo: Well, it'd be more accurate for the sake of authenticity, right? Isn't that a staple feature in this series? Full length motion picture stand offs and then made for television mini-series length rubber banding battle sequences? Perhaps it'll be in the second Season Pass, releasing alongside SSJ16 Gokentetsugeta. (What does SSJ stand for anyway, seriously? Super Saiyan Jamaican?)

 

Xeo: Back to DBZ, I see. Steam is really serious about this systematic genocide plan that Super Saiyan Jamaican 23 Gabengeta has put into place. Can our heroes possibly finish that special slow motion, zero gravity, no masturbation, blue balls inducing training they started 12 seasons ago in time to stop him? Find out next time on the next episode!

 

Xeo: Well...I mean, I guess you can. Stepping on Legos is pretty rough. Fucking them would be a truly monumental task. But I think if anyone could do it, it'd be someone from Dtoid. I have faith in you, RenaudB90. Follow your dreams, my friend! Or did you just mean FFX in general? Well, discs have holes, so I guess it's just a matter of working out the logistics there. Either way, it's important to have dreams and goals in life.

Xeo: Ithoughtwhatiddowasldretendlw is a fellow with more clear cut, focused ambitions. Like those of longing to spill his seed into the lovely Lulu. But alas it was all in his head, as in reality it was just so much crudely drawn hentai. I guess it's time to kick those hentai pics out of the house though. They eat all of the Doritos and drink your last Mtn. Dew without asking anyway. Sometimes the hardest goodbyes can be the easiest.

Stay tuned for more on this story further down the page.

 

Xeo: Meanwhile these two fine lads are discussing the box and it's myserious nature. What's in it? How much can it hold? Is it sealed or just closed? Is it made of cardboard? How many hotdogs can you fit inside of it? One, two, or a whole dozen? Could there be a boat inside of it? Does it enjoy being opened, or merely tolerates it? Has it actually watched Seven before, and is privy of these memes? So many questions. All of them valid.

 

Xeo: And nothing of value was lost. It seems unanimous. It's dead, Jim.

 

Xeo: Hell, it's a tradition now. Both in any CotW article I write and as a general Dtoid thing. Don't boo Soulbow, he's just doing his part to keep our sacred traditions alive. He's doing his part to keep this community in unity. Perhaps it's time to start a new movement. #anotherFartnitearticle. But did The Average Guy's grandson give us a hint to a new crossover event for Fartnite on the Switch? Is Fort Fight what they're going to call the crossover with Balloon Fight?

 

Xeo: It's been a long time since Tommy has been changed. These tracks are huge, the laps long. Someone needs to get this kiddo to make a pit stop. Or maybe that's Tommy's plan to begin with, see, he pulls off the loaded diaper to use it as a special projectile against his opponents. It's a shitty way to lose a race, but thems the brakes in the wild world of Nickelodeon Kart Racing.

Xeo: They've come from all over the world with one goal, a glowing piece of our radical rock. But one question still remains, "DO... YOU... HAVE IT?" Let's go to our referee Moira Quirk for the rules. Mo?

 

Xeo: Chris Carter brought us the review for the Oculus Go, meanwhile Kang81 has took it upon themself to run this thing through a full blown science-ing. VR content abound, Kang must discover if this is the future to lift us above that previously mentioned dark age of crudely drawn LuLu hentai. Perhaps Anonymous 20 had it right to begin with. LuLu cosplayers on the Oculus Go? The future is now!

 

Xeo:

 

Xeo: Goddammit. I actually had something in common with Tronald Dump? That son of a bitch has gone too far now. #Needtoimpeach42!

 

Xeo: I don't even honestly know what this has to do with Inquisitor Whitemane or The Scarlet Crusade in general...but hell. Look at this cat. See how happy this cat is? Can you blame it? Resting upon a pillow of crudely drawn hentai and all. The cat is absolutely spent after using the Oculus Go earlier in the day.

 

Xeo: Sonic429 may still be trying to understand the mysteries of the box at 34, but he's got a pretty bright future ahead of himself with the Forza Rap. Microsoft needs to take notice and hire him on. This could really help combat Sony and all of their goddamned PS4 exclusives! This guy is going places!

 

Xeo: Ah, GoofierBrute. A kindred soul. Now you're speaking my language. This was never not going to make my list. Bravo, friend, bravo. I don't even need anything else to say here.

 

Xeo: The absolute truth of the matter in four simple words. This is why we can't have nice things.

 

Xeo: This CotW article is perfect for the Switch. In a perfect world Destructoid itself would be ported to the Switch. Maybe they'd include me as DLC for it? Maybe we'd have fun mini games like seeing how many Amiibo you can fit up your ass or even just color by number crudely drawn hentai pages. Can you imagine if the Switch actually had a web browser? Watching Pornhub on your switch, buying Bad Dragon dildos on the go and everything. Fucking brilliant.

 

 

Xeo: Gus delivered as usual this week with the puns. The decided to work together in hopes of smoking their competition.

 

Xeo: There are no incorrect answers, but I'd put my money on C. Simply because I want it now. There's never too much Freddie Mercury on the internet, never. Keep that in mind, folks. Don't stop me now, I'm having such a good time!

 

Xeo: I prefer the former, but I understand the latter. Those taquitos can grow up into expensive, overstuffed Qdoba burritos. It's alright though, in my case those extra taquitos made for one complete whole meal.

 

Xeo: I suppose there's truth to this.
Brain: "We need to reproduce, go get on that."
Body: "Yeah, best I got for ya is this Hustler and a bottle of lotion."
Brain: "Works for me!"

 

Annnnd, that's a wrap! Thanks for sticking with me this week. As I said, it was a slower one. But I feel we still had a good time. If I missed a true gem, I'm sorry. Probably distracted by that crudely drawn hentai. That's just how life goes though, right? Just remember this as we come to a close this week. You may not believe in yourself, your friends may not believe in you, hell your own momma may not believe in you. But I believe in you! Follow your dreams, kids.

See you all again next week for another CotW. I hope you enjoyed yourself.

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About COTWone of us since 9:21 PM on 05.12.2017

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