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LONG BLOG

Far Crying Out Loud, This Cult's Love Removal Machine Is Killing Me !!

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The Far Cry games always draw me, the ability to wally around a sprawling, well realised environment, armed to the titties with weapons allowing the tact of Trump era American foreign policy diplomacy or the Sam Fisher meets Corvo Attano style of Sneak-Fu, that tends to make me wear a self satisfied smug mug when i pull off a nicely pre planned invisible assault. Between the solid gun play, the effective stealth mechanics and the organic nature of the sand boxes we are given to fool around in, it's all preety good fun. Well done to ubisoft then..boxes ticked, heck they even attempt to throw in a bit of a story, just to make sure i remain aware that there is more to these worlds than just plain old me, running around like Rambo with an animal genocide hard on. Okay so if the boxes are all ticked and everything's so goddamned excellent, why the negativity in the blog title eh ? Why ? I'll tell you why ! It's because for all their world building prowess, Ubisoft apparently don't quite get that while i love spending hours losing myself in these settings, they really don't realise just how much of an utter pain in the dick it is when they decide to forcibly tear me from my little oasis of imaginary frolics, all in the name of some halfassed but very heavy handed transition into story furtherment. Anyone who has played Far Cry 5 knows exactly what im harping on about. One minute you are chimping around, lead flying everywhere , grenades eradicating skunks and flamethrowers being applied to the task of barbecuing a moose or two and then.. " oooooh welcome... to ...the bliss"....kiss goodbye to the next 8 minutes and prepare to forget everything you were doing as you listen to streams of solidly tragic religowank or " Honerly Yoooouuuuu..can make this world seem"...so fucking impossibly annoying and , and, and why the fuck am i being dragged into this shit to listen to more psuedo philosophical ramblings by a ginger survival nut who then puts me into shooting gallery scenario that makes Sega's house of the dead look as challenging as Tommy the pinball wizard trying to ace his finals in Mayan and Latin. If its not this shit then its the other nutty brother sending hunting parties after your ass, parties that, even if you manage to wipe out everyone within a 5 km radius, will still somehow have one spare assface who manages to tag you with a sleep dart..a pointless measure as whatever fucking crap his team is going to drag me in to is 100% certain to get me comatose after 30 seconds anyway. Jesus christ Ubisoft..at what point did anyone on your team think that breaking any sense of immersion i might have achieved, in order to make me spend 10 minutes playing a side scene that could be belittled by an iphone game, seem like a winning idea !!?? Why give so much ? Gorgeous organic scenery, fucktons of fuckfaces to maul with masses of menacing murder machines..i can even get into doing a spot of godddam fishing and enjoy it !! And i hate fishing !! But not your version..it's passably fun and also pays well. Ubisoft just can't leave you alone and its been building for years in the far cry universe..the emphasis of violence suddenly removed to further a character development or story arc..far cry 3 t'was a bit annoying, in 4 it was really starting to part my cheeks but jeeesus h christ..pretty much every time i begin to get into the swing of things in 5 and whallop !! I'm subjected to an extraction so uncomfortable and uncalled for that i end up thinking that the big bad at the end of this installment isnt going to be Joseph Seed and his nuclear cook out, no its going to be steve martin in his role as Orin Scrivello in little shop of horrors. im just saying, leave me alone and let me get the job done..fucking hell, this is why folks working in a factory hate supervisors.. :-)
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About gadgerooone of us since 6:52 PM on 05.23.2013

seriously..i've been doin this shit since before atari used new mexico as a graveyard for silicon. Yup i'm one of those grumpy old fucks who can't understand the appeal of call of duty or battlefield games, can't understand how resident evil 6 even managed to get released and thinks that after super mario galaxy, nintendo should have really just called it a day with the whole fat plumber saga.