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LONG BLOG

Band of Bloggers: Horizon: Zero Dawn

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Bloggers note: Hey Destructoid users, this is my first Band of Bloggers uh...blog and since I beat Horizon: Zero Dawn, I thought it perfect to take part in. Happy reading!

Greetings everyone, I am TrixsterC and welcome to a brand new edition of Man vs. Machine. In this, I tried to document the many robotic beasts of the wild only to run into this "Aloy" who proceeded to pummel the robots before I could observe them. So instead I'm gonna document the myriad ways this robocidal maniac dispatched her prey. And believe me she has a LOT of methods, what's her problem anyway? 

*Phone rings*

Oh she's looking for the people who tried to kill her at the Proving? They even had a means to control the robots? Corruptors? What the hell is that? What do you mean you don't know?! I've gotta follow her to find out?! But she'll kill me!

*Click*

I hate my life. So while I try not to die at the hands of this fire haired lunatic, here's the summary of my travels. 

2 months ago 

Here we have a Grazer, which according to my historical data was created in the image of something called a "deer." Notice the subtle curves of its horns, notice the elegant egg white body, notice the red haired girl hiding in the grass... wait what? Who is that? Oh my god she just killed one! No, two! What the hell is she doing! How is she causing these explosions! What is she doing to that Grazer corpse! She's... looting it? This girl is nuts. She's a psycho, please please oh please I hope she doesn't see me. Oh good, she's leaving but these poor Grazers, these beautiful creatures, savagely struck... oh look, metal shards. 

We now move on to the Watchers, machines who act as sentinels for other machines. One of them in particular has blue cords inside of it and is attacking it's kin. Wait that's not right, why is it attacking it's kin, why is another one helping it? Why is that red haired girl here again?! Is she causing the machines to change? That spear has something at the bottom of it, she must be using it to override the machines programming, poor things don't stand a chance so I might as well leave now before I get caught up in this fight. 

Here we have a Strider, a machine with a rather powerful kick and... why is that Strider carrying someone...? Aw hell it's that girl again! And she managed to make a mount out of that poor animoid! This has gone on long eno- fire arrows. She has fire arrows. Striders have blaze containers. Next time on Man vs. Machine, the red headed menace strikes again as its all out war between her and the mechanimals. Will your dashing host ever get to document a machine? Or is this the Metalocalypse? Find out on Man vs. Machine

*Explosion*

*1 Month Later*

Welcome back to Man vs. Machine. Somehow I managed to get out alive with only a few burnt articles of clothing and maybe some burns in places I can't mention. Today I'm gonna discuss the big predators of the wild: The Stormbird, the Thunderjaw and Rockbreaker. If Aloy-yes I found out her name-decides to cooperate this time. Lets get to it!.

The mighty Stormbird is the largest flying animoid in the world. Equipped with turbine like jets it's capable of quick movements through the air.  *Looks around* Combine that with lightning attacks and dives and you really have to stay on guard to take on this majestic beauty as Aloy is about to explain. Wait...ALOY?! Crap...she's got fire arrows again. Hm? Oh, she's not using them yet, ha the Stormbirds too quick for h-wait are those terablast arrows?

*Almost gets hit with metal shard*

Nice, now it's raining metal AND death. Lets move on before those blaze canisters go off...*Walks away*

Seriously, she could at least let me detail some of the machines before she shows up. And why does she always have to kill that particular machine just when I start? This blog'll never be wordy enough at this rate! The Law of Averages isn't on my side.

We interrupt this meaningless monologue to bring you this mysterious cave. I've heard people call this a cauldron and you can supposedly gain the ability to control the machines with them. Monsters! Who would want to reprogram these beautiful creatures of the wild? Who are we to take their free will? Is this why the Old World died? Because they tried to impose their will onto the machines? Barbaric, I'll not stand for this! I will free them!

*Phone rings*

Hello? The cauldrons have already been overwritten?! By Aloy?! Is that girl truly human? She is? Well...okay then, I guess it's back to our regularly scheduled programming...

So until Aloy comes to introduce death to this Thunderjaw, this is a Thunderjaw, one of the biggest land based predatorial machines in the world. It's defining feature are the disk launchers on either side of it, enabling long range combat. Count yourself lucky if you avoid them, they pack a wallop. In it's mouth area is a beam it can shoot and while not as damaging as the launchers, it hurts like hell. Another thing that hurts like is it's tail. The tip of it's tail is like a sword, get behind it and it'll swing that mighty backside to knock you on your ass. You...huh? Is Aloy not here? Am I actually gonna finish this?

*Thunderjaw causes an explosion*

What was that? It exploded just by walking? No that's not right, it could only be...tripwires.

*Explosion*

By the Sun, it's everywhere; one wrong step and my leg'll be blown off. Oh Sun give me strength that poor Thunderjaw isn't going to make it. Why, why must this happen.

*Explosion*

Sweet Death's Embrace, my body is ready! Take me from this tormented existence and lead me to paradise!

*Explosion*

Ahem, so uh...sorry about that folks, I had a bit of a meltdown back there. It's just that monster has more than once tried to kill me. Well not me per se but I've shaken hands with death more times than I care to count. But that's all behind me now, today I'm gonna examine the one machine even Aloy can't kill: the Rockbreaker!

That's right, you're gonna dig this bad boy. Hailing from the underground scene, this guy isn't afraid to get down and dirty. Armed with drills all throughout it's body, it can attack from anywhere, hurl rocks at you from a distance and bury a body if wanna hide any evidence. If you see any suspicious looking raised mounds of earth, chances are you're about to encounter one and chances are you're also gonna die soon so make sure your will is already written.

*Phone rings*

Hello? Who, Aloy? Nah, she actually beat me to this one, she's been fighting it even before I showed up, I just couldn't bother to go find another one cause they're pretty rare. Huh? Oh don't worry I'll be outta here. Yeah...sure...no problem. Ok, see ya soon.

So you might notice after all that, I never found a 'Corruptor' though I watching a peculiar looking Thunderjaw amble by with some weird machine next to it. Hold the...is that-

So this is how Aloy gained the ability to control machines. There's a component inside these things that enable them override machine programming. These devils! How sick do you have to be to re-write your own kin. Unforgivable, I hope Aloy destroys every last one of you!!!

...

Crap, it's spotted me. So um...yeah this is the last Man vs. Machine ever. Thanks for watching and remember: shouting at killer robots is always a bad idea.

*Gets torn apart*

Hope you all enjoyed this blog. Horizon: Zero Dawn went down as one of my favorite games of this generation. What  do you think? Feel free to share in the comments below. Until next time!

- Remember, a TricksterX a day keeps the ruin away.


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About TricksterXone of us since 2:19 PM on 10.30.2017

TricksterX started his gaming addiction at the young age of 6 with the Super Nintendo Entertainment System before moving on to Playstation. Owner of a PS4, PC, and 3DS. Some of his other hobbies (CoughaddictionsCough) include photoshop, writing, reading and other things he can't be bothered to list...like trying to stop writing in the third $#@*ing person.



Some of my earliest gaming memories involve getting past a ghost in Super Mario World, running away from a bear in Crash Bandicoot 2, defeating 1000 heartless in Kingdom Hearts 2, and so on; memories that have left a permanent mark on me and will go down as my fondest moments in interactive media. Did that paragraph make me sound smart? I think it did, and if you think it didn't, it just means I'm smarter. Yeah.

All opinions are my own, feel free to disagree.