With every new gimmicky fast food creation, I find myself flocking to the drive thru. I enjoy each new thing they realize they can replace with fried chicken. Though everything from those places tastes like the same thing: Rome before the fall. I don’t get too much enjoyment from the novelty. I feel merely as a colesterol cataloger. Documenting the decadence of our society so that I can relay it around the campfires to unbelieving younger generations.
I’ve not played any new games in a while. Depression likely. Though things like “Depression” and “Anxiety” have always been obscure bullshit terms to me. They feel more like emptiness and fear. So my diet has consisted of Fallout 4 and Battlefield 1. Though the matchmaking on the latter remains a fried shit sandwich, with the bread replaced with deep fried shit.
Fallout 4 was something I eagerly dove into when it came out. Then after about 100 hours into it, it felt empty. Not quite the worst praise. But I had played New Vegas into the ground. It was not so much a game, as a complicated machine with a near infinite number of minor variables. It was a world that was lived in. You felt a small, though influential part of things transpiring. Whereas with Fallout 4 you walk around with a name tag saying “Hello, I am the Protagonist.” Perhaps it’s all the DLC in place, or the fact that nearly everything in life feels hollow. Or more likely I pretty much ignored the main quest for a good 100 hours, but it’s now a bit more tolerable.
New Vegas hasn’t quite aged well in its shadow. The upgrades Id made to the engine definitely were needed. The moment they remaster New Vegas with the new engine, is the day I barricade myself in my room and don’t leave until someone notices the smell of my rotting corpse. Fallout 4 feels like a faustian bargain where they traded the soul of the world for smoother combat. It’s not quite the case in reality, Bethesda has always been okay at storytelling, excellent at mapping out minutia. Whereas Tim Cain is one of the best storytellers in our medium. And I have dreams where he invites me to spend my life in his sex dungeon (Though he’s a fox in this dream, because this meander isn’t quite weird enough for my tastes.)
p In the end I am just working up the energy and willpower to jump into Tyranny. It’s been something I’ve looked forward to for a matter of years. And I worry that it won’t live up to my expectations. That because of something I’ve done, I won’t enjoy it as much as New Vegas, or Arcanum. I suspect that’s the way I’ve felt about most things. And I’ve let my life stagnate around it. This linear progression of time thing kinda sucks.