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LONG BLOG

Just Cause 3 is a terrible game that no one should play

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I’ve been playing Just Cause 3 for several weeks, far longer than I wanted to. I liked Just Cause 2, and I heard Just Cause 3 was a letdown, but I didn’t know how bad it would be. The towns were repetitive, the always online was pointless and slowed the game down, the side challenges were too difficult, and it was buggy. For most of the game I thought I would walk away hating the challenges the most, until I got to the end.

Part of the problem was that I was trying to complete the map and all the side missions instead of just playing the main missions. That’s a problem I always have with sandbox games, and getting the achievements just makes that addiction harder, even though achievements are worthless awards.

It took forever but I completed all the other side missions, I completed the challenges, I liberated the towns, and I found all the collectibles. The only thing I had left was the vehicle collecting side mission.

For this side mission you are supposed to find one of every type of vehicle and take it to one the garages scattered around the map. There are land, sea, and air vehicles. Some vehicles you get by completing missions, but most of them you have to jack and drive back.

I had collected every other vehicle in the game. I even got the huge truck that is nowhere near a garage, and the old truck you have to attach to a helicopter with a tether and airlift to the garage. All that was left was the Squalo X7.

Every other boat in the game could be found in the ocean and driven to one of the garages on the coast. But the Squalo X7 could only be found in two lakes very far inland, very far away from any garages. But more importantly was that it was very heavy. Just Cause 3 has a decent physics engine and the weight of things matters, so, unlike the old truck, I could not just airlift it to a garage. I could use multiple tethers on the boat and a helicopter, but they eventually all snap and I ran the risk of the boat dropping and exploding.

Like I said before I had finished all the other side missions and had hoped to finish Just Cause 3 today. Specifically I wanted to get the boat, complete the final two main missions and beat the game, read the comic I got out of the library, and go for a walk, all before Super Bowl LII started.

I went to one lake, and after learning the boat was too heavy to be airlifted out even with multiple tethers, tried to drag it to a garage with the large truck. But slowly dragging the boat uphill along a wooded road kept causing the tethers to snap and the Squalo to run into the trees and blow up. After a while I got frustrated and quit trying to collect the boat, I think I wasted an hour on it. Instead I went and beat the game.

It still bothered me though, so I went to the other lake to try again. This lake was closer to a road that was downhill and less woodsy. I could have stood on top of the Squalo and tether-dragged it all the way to a garage, but that would have taken forever.

Instead I had an idea. The second lake was much closer to the ocean, if I could just get the Squalo down to the water I could drive it to a waterfront garage. The first couple of tries failed because I was too high up and the tethers would always snap and the boat would explode. That was another hour wasted. By now I was not going to have time to read that comic before the Super Bowl. So I pulled the boat down the road for a while until I was as close and low to the water as possible, then I called in a helicopter, attached the Squalo to it with six tethers, and slowly flew it down to the ocean. And it worked, the Squalo hit the water without blowing up, and I drove it to the nearest garage and parked it in the area where the game registers it.

And it didn’t work! The game went through the collection screen, but afterward it wasn’t registering in the vehicle list and it kept saying I still needed to collect it. I tried multiple times to get it noticed but it didn’t take, and after I spent so much time on it. It felt like God was punishing me for wasting so much time on something so trivial. I had encountered bugs in the game before, but not this bad.

I just gave up at that point. It was getting late and I was pissed how much time I wasted on this game for nothing. Now I just want to move on, I don’t feel like trying again, and I really hope that last incomplete achievement doesn’t bug my brain nonstop. It disgusts me even now how much time I wasted on that terrible game.

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About mullonone of us since 9:49 AM on 01.21.2011