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Nintendo to Send Support Workers to Trash Talking Toddlers - Yellow News

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Nintendo has revealed plans to send support workers to houses of children who display toxic behaviour online to discuss said behaviour with their parents.

“We live in an age where we are seeing people more misanthropic, hateful and bigoted than the last 20 years” Nintendo PR Manager Albert Piaget commented in a press release, “so we are hoping to intervene at an early enough age to stop children growing up to be malicious towards others.” This intervention, according to Piaget, comes in the form of parental advise by professionals.

When a child account is reported during multiplayer play, an investigation is created to pile evidence of what Nintendo deems “toxic behaviour”. “Any bigotry, any mature language and any form of hate via verbal and textual forms will be collected as part of the player’s file.” Once said evidence becomes substantial enough, a child psychologist will assess if the child is showing abnormal or normal development. If abnormal, a checklist of advice will be compiled and a support worker will be sent to advise the parent on ways to guide the child towards better development.

Piaget discloses that this scheme hopes to intervene in player behaviours prior to bans. “If the minor continues to show negative behaviour online, then we will permanently ban the Switch from connecting online. However, we want to use that as a very last option as we do want children and childs-at-heart to enjoy our console.”

Hours since the press release, there are already strong opinions on the matter. Ashantee Taylor, mother of 3, showed disgust of scheme. “People are going to come into my house and tell me how to raise my kids? They’re going to tell me what they can and can’t say in the privacy of their home, and what political views they should have? It’s MY home, it’s MY children and it’s up to them to find their own opinions. Nintendo has no say in what they’re allowed to think.”

The program is still in pilot stage but Piaget assures us at Yellow News “[the scheme] so far looks to be presenting positive results”.

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Yellow News is a satirical series, involving not only making fun of videogames and their culture but also making observations/points about it. I'm sorry if the above satire piece caused any offense. 

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About Riobuxone of us since 5:18 AM on 03.23.2013

Hey, I'm Riobux. I joined Destructoid a good deal back due to Podtoid when Jim Sterling, Jonathan Holmes and Conrad Zimmerman used to do it, and when Phil & Spencer did the Destructoid Twitch channel. I'm a Sociology With Psychology graduate who has a particular interest in videogame culture and the creation of videogames. These days I just punt out recaps, but you can also find me creeping around news story comments.

When I'm not here attempting to act like a civilised being, making odd jokes only I snigger at or being way too late with posting recap, I can be found on Bagogames attempting to ramble as a previewer/reviewer.

You may also find me working out how the hell the new strange world of social media on Twitter works at @Riobux.