Join Destructoid at Toronto's biggest gaming convention.

Buy Tickets
                 
dark        
Furrybearpanda blog header photo
Furrybearpanda's c-blog
Posts 1Blogs 8Following 0Followers 3


 
 

LONG BLOG

Early Man - The Pun-est Review

   0

Early Man is also the word that every man hates, when it comes out of a women mouth.

 

My Early Re-View 

 

I had to watch this movie not because the animation designs reminded me of Shawn the sheep, No, but the title of this movie made my 'Terrible pun sense' tangled like when I see a 'First' on the comment section.So, Without any 'further delay', Let's charge 'forward' to this review 'without holding it back'.(If you think the name is unfunny wait till I explain to you what the movie is about.)

 

The animators of this movie, to put it in simple terms 'They killed it', they brought the same colourful (U stands for u are a brit) magic of watching Nick Park movies to the big screen, once again.The wide grins, fat hands, and huge ears are there, just as I 'predicted' and they 'delivered perfectly'.

 

The animation is there but it lacks the charm and wit, which I was expecting in this movie.I thought this movie would explore the dense primeval setting of cave man era like in the movie The Croods but instead of that, the whole movie relies on a cliched story with few minor laughs.

 

Now that sentence 'cliched story with few minor laughs' is an 8/10 in a Bollywood movie but if you want me to expect that generic 101 plot in a 50 million $$$ movie, Then, I can be as 'early' as I want. 

 

Generic

 

Welcome to Farcry: Primal the movie.In this movie, you'll get to see the prehistoric dwellers as ancestors of Wallace & Gromit.The movie opens with a meteor hurtling towards Earth.Now, this could go a lot of ways, either they'll follow Ice age 5 or a superhero plotline or build a spaceship to land on the meteor, Then, 'drill through the center of the meteor, so they can drop a bomb in there', to destroy it from inside.You know what the third one sounds realistic.

 

The meteor hits, 'yadda yadda yadda' the dinosaurs are poofed but all the cave persons (#Feminism) gets to see another day because they stood (hid) by their name 'CAVE'. Now, all that's left is a meteor reduced to a spherical glowing rock at the center of a blistering crater.

 

Then, I guess, some of the cave persons were carrying the gene pool of Neil DeGrasse Tyson, So, They did what Neil DeGrasse Tyson would've done if he ever sees a meteor, try to move it, and they f**** did, but due to its 'extreme heat they drop it' and start to kick it. And 'yadda yadda yadda' they created the sport of football (Soccer for yanks). 

 

Yes, It's a football movie and just like the game of football, It felt long and 'really really really long' with no 'pleasurable outcome'.

 

Wait, I forgot about one thing -

 

If you've seen Shawn the sheep, Then, you know the ducks are one of the most significant characters ever to come out of nick park's creative unimaginable universe. And those ducks 'pulled it again', That's right, those ducks 'ducked' ('low-hanging pun') the blindness of the plot, and for that, they are the best part of this movie. #Quackquackquack #QuacktotheDeath

 

Aren't they look Quackdorable 

 

 

 

Now I so badly want an independent Duck movie. Please do it, They will be just like the minions but the shit would be coming out of their back instead of their mouth. 

 

All those puns were fuckin 'INTENDED'!!!!!For more visit: https://furrybearpanda.blogspot.in/

 

 

 

- How high you gotta be to jump so high to make people go that guy is so high


Login to vote this up!

LOOK WHO CAME:


Furrybearpanda   
Furrybearpanda   3


 
 

  0 COMMENTS

Please login (or) make a quick account (free)
to view and post comments.



 Login with Twitter

 Login with Dtoid

Three day old threads are only visible to verified humans - this helps our small community management team stay on top of spam

Sorry for the extra step!

 

About Furrybearpandaone of us since 1:33 AM on 01.07.2018

I'm 22.I don't have a story for you to read because I don't know the sequel to my life.The only thing I have right now is the prequel and we all know a prequel without the sequel is just the Quel.. so NO!!

This blog is not about me. This blog is dedicated to you, the true heroes. And who are the heroes? The people who read this blog. Average, hardworking Internet-ers. You're not the elites, you're not the premium club crowd. Unlike them, you never give up. If you don't get access to premium porn, you lower your hand to regular porn.If you see something bad happening outside the world, you raise your voice inside by hashtagg-ing on twitter. Welcome to your blog written by me!