I hate to be that guy, you know that guy... the one who sticks around and then leaves out of the blue. Sadly I have to be that guy. I'm not going to lie, I joined the site because of the C blogs. I enjoy writing about videogames and discussing them. The Cblogs seemed to be the best place for me to do this at the time since I tend to write a lot. I started by writing reviews and articles, some better than others. Over the course of my time here on Destructoid I have watched my writing improve along with my own standards and connecting with people on the site has enouraged me to keep going.
Of course after getting acquainted with the community more, I felt like I was becomming a part of it. Sure I have had many controvertial statements and some really brutal arguments with people but deep down I believe that there were people here that valued me in the community and still do today. Thank you to those people, you all know who you are. I even tinkered with the quick posts a little, mostly talking on other people's quick posts since character limits are not my jam, I like to write a lot and usually even the smallest things I talk about end up been long winded. I even decided to delve deeper into the front page content. Now I've never been a fan of mass media outlets in general, Destructoid included as it is one of them, I made that pretty clear already with Niero who confirmed what the front page of Destructoid is all about and I can tell you right now that the sort of content found on the front page just isn't for me. I want content that explores games deeper, the front page rarely offers that sort of content and that is likely due to the fact that the writers are under pressure to get all the news articles and review articles up to meet their targets or whatever.
I get that writing such deep articles are time consuming and require a lot of work, so much so that the front page writers don't have time to dedicate themselves to such work due to the fact that they are overwhelmed with articles to write. Such is the fate of a site which caters to the mass market. I consider this a flawed system, some may disagree but I believe that it is impossible to main consistency in terms of quality when deadlines need to be met and I have seen so many articles which are like 4/5 paragraphs long on the front page. I can't blame them really, they just want to get the article done but I can't exactly say I enjoy consuming such content. Some of us actually enjoy reading about videogames and I can appreciate a really long, detailed article.
This is why I spend a lot of time here on the C blogs because that's where I find such articles. I always considered the C blogs to be kinda like a writers guild, a place where we write blogs about games and learn from each other, encouraging each other to write better articles and helping them when needed. As such I felt that I owed it to the community to stick around, even after starting my own website, I felt that I still had to contribute to the site even though my articles were now a blatant copy/paste (which you can tell by the formatting). I wanted to put my best content on the C blogs and my mission was to have a consistent level of quality so that I could please people on here.
However after about 3 years on the site, i started to see certain patterns. I noticed certain blogs did better than others and wanted to see for myself why these articles became popular. I experimented, tried to see which articles would get the most attention (because what's the point in writing blogs if nobody responds to them?) and found out a lot of interesting information when it comes to the behavior of many who trawl the C blogs. This I believe I should share with you guys because I believe that everyone here deserves to know these patterns and perhaps it can help alleviate the problems these patterns create by spreading awareness.
Now I myself have been guilty of this too, not going to deny it. It's just human nature. I don't want to discourage people from writing but I want people to see the real picture. Put simply if you're unsure why your blogs aren't getting attention, please note that it has absolutely nothing to do with your writing talents, rather the article you are writing doesn't bait your audience. Baiting is the skill that separates the men from the boys in any form of blogging be it commercial or just a hobby. If you want that attention, you have to fight for it, even on the C blogs. While I do accept that this site is a shared space and appreciate that there are other bloggers just like me who want to be seen, I can't help but feel disheartened when my blog doesn't get noticed. I don't want to make a big fuss about it, I just want to be real with you all because this isn't the first time someone has brought this up on this site and it won't be the last.
For starters in case you didn't realize, I made quite a few rants back in the day which attracted a lot of controversy. Now I will admit, some of those rants were not written well and that is mainly because I wanted to ventilate and I was more concerned with ventilating than actually making a well-constructed blog post, they were rambles and were kinda a side gig to my reviews which was the content I took more seriously and tried to focus my efforts on, the backbone of all of my blogs. Some of the responces to these rants were reasonable, others were not. I got myself into some heated arguments with people, looking back on this I have absolutely no regrets, those people weren't being constructive/helping me improve, rather their cognitive bias got the best of them and rather than presenting their opinions in a civil manner, they instead decided it would be a good idea to belittle my writing skills. Those people offered nothing and influenced absolutely nothing constructive to my rants, they were nothing but a nuisance, I have no love for those people, I truly don't.
I'm not saying that I feel the same way about everyone I have argued with on this site. In fact, I never held grudges against the people who belittled me because it's stupid to do so, I can't exactly say that I particularly liked them but they are people just like me and I respect that we all say things we later regret. Speaking of grudges, I noticed a few individuals whom shall not be named who appeared to be holding a grudge against me for god knows what reason. Now as a cynical individual you could probably say that I'm just being paranoid but hear me out. A lot of what I've said in the past has been controvertial, a lot of what I continued to say has also been controvertial to the point where certain individuals have argued with me. While many of the people I have argued with set our differrences aside, others have not. Some people on this site never spoke to me ever again after certain events, some for the stupidest of reasons, others for more understandable reasons.
Now we all have differrent personalities and cognative biases. If you're the type of guy who owns an Xbox One and pays for Xbox Live every month I'm not going to hate you but I don't think you're going to like me because I will shit on your favourite system and I will shit on the filthy unethical business practices you buy into, deal with it. I have a mission to help rid the industry of these issues and anyone who gets in my way of that is going to get themselves into a harsh argument, not because I hate you, not because I want to start an argument but because I see the long term issues and I can see the problems these things bring. I'm a bitter idealist and I'm not going to change foe anyone. That being said I don't expect you to like me, it's impossible to please everyone and if everything I say pisses you off then please by all means ignore me (there is a function that lets you do that).
So while I can accept being ignored by people, it doesn't help but make me wonder if my prescence here is a hinderance to the community at times and this does bother me to some degree and over time it has made me feel kinda disconnected as if I'm in a community that is too big for my boots with people who just can't stand me and people who like me. It makes me wonder what people really think of me, whether or not they hate me or they actually like me. I don't know whether these people tolerate me or just want to see me gone.
Then I see this:
Now first of all allow me to gloat for a bit:
Why do you think this is happening people? I'll tell you why this is happening people (yes he was clearly referring to this):
You see people? I made the above statement ages ago, back in the 1st August 2016 and Adrian Chmielarz makes the same point on the 15th November 2017. Overwatch has microtransactions, it also has loot boxes. Now you can argue all you like whether they're ethical or not but as we all know, when you give publishers an inch, they take a mile (or as Jim Sterling says, the planet). Sure EA and Activision Blizzard are differrent companies but they clearly observe each others actions to see if they can get away with doing the same thing but worse... and that's what EA went and did and they made all their loot boxes pay to win. Why did it come to this? Because of all you people who purchased Overwatch day 1, yes you! Why? Because your purchase of the game translates "I agree with all of these business practices and I want to see more in the future" to the publishers. While this may not be the case, this is how it translates. Publishers don't read message boards, they read statistics, sales statistics and if those statistics are high, they know that their unethical business practices are working and will take things to the next level.
The truth is, they will keep doing this until enough people boycot the product. This explains the following damage control by EA claiming that they will temporarily remove microtransactions. Does this make everything ok all of a sudden? Hell no, they're just trying to manipulate you all into forgiving them DON'T. Stick to your guns and things will slowly change. Keep doing so until EA/Activision has no choice but to remove the microtransactions, DRM and other unethical business practices from their games so we can enjoy them more because pay 2 win affects game design in a very negative way. So I will say the same thing I said for Overwatch, Do not buy Battlefront 2.
All that aside, back to the recapper's opinion, he claimed that I was attacking all Overwatch fans. This is the same reason is took so damn long for Brexit to happen in the UK, too many people screaming "racists" towards UKIP rather than actually arguing against their points. Now I'm not saying people didn't fight back against UKIP's points, some had some fair aguments but others just pulled the "triggered" card. I'm sorry if I triggered you for calling you out on your mistakes or your lack of care for videogame ethics but it had to be said. I knew everyone on Destructoid was talking about Overwatch at the time but I wasn't going to let that stop me from making my point clear because it is absolutely bloody true, publishers get their money from out pockets. If you bought the game, you're the reason why these companies are still in business, you and the rest of the people that bought it. You're also the reason why these companies are getting away with all this unethical bullshit. Put your money where your mouth is or accept that you don't care about these ethics.
In any case, this was just 1 fail blog, the recapper has an entitlement to their opinion and as such I respected it... until I saw this:
The exact same recapper. This was the second article I posted on his recap day and while I don't get failblogged I get "could have done better". The recapper claims that my advice isn't practical and that it's got issues. Impractical advice my ass, I have followed this advice for ages (to some degree) and saved a fuck ton of money in doing so. What more do you want? Do you want me to buy the games for you so you don't lose money? Also let me also tell you that the blog wasn't just about saving money, it was about trying to help people avoid the trap that is the eternal backlog. I wanted to help people with very little time on their hands be more careful with both their money and time and to consider the cost:time ratio. Could it be more detailed? Sure but if so then why the hell did you not comment on it giving other suggestions on how to make things better? If you gave enough of a shit then you would have done. There's nothing that pisses me off more than when people talk behind their back rather than telling you straight in person. I am open to ideas. Sure I could have posted a responce on the recaps ages ago but I held off on it, I didn't want to kick up a fuss... but now I do.
Why am I bringing all this up you ask? Because I want to speak my mind, I don't want to be a two-faced person, I want to state how I feel about this situation. The recapper clearly doesn't like me, if he did hewould have probably spoken to be directly and wouldn't have said negative things about my blogs twice in a row despite other recappers either making no comment or praising it. Worst of all the recapper gave no solutions, no advice. It was unconstructive to me. Recappers have opinions sure and I respect that they are allowed to say what they feel about a blog but this to me just seems malicious, especially since I barely see this recapper talk to me at all, it is as if the recapper wants to avoid me.
Now I know these images paint a pretty clear picture to who this recapper is, he knows who he is. I don't mean to name and shame but lets be honest, that's precisely what that recap was, I was named and shamed by a recapper and it's perfectly fine for them to do so. All I can say is that I stick to what I said back then and that I really have absolutely nothing against the recapper, like I said I don't hold grudges so I really don't hate the recapper at all, rather I was disheartened by what he said and even though I will brutally argue, I wouldn't wish ill will on the recapper. However it is one of the reasons why I want to leave the site. The damage has been done and I don't want to be around people who think that all I do is attack other people and make shitty articles. Why should I write on a the C blogs where I get that in return? That's simple, because there were still people around that cared.
Now I'm not saying that there aren't still people out there that care (unless you're willing to correct me on that) but I have noticed the patterns I spoke of earlier and have experimented with them and observed the C blogs for some time. Eventually I found this blog post: when im gone just carry on
This post was made by a person named Dreamweaver or Morpho. He has been banned from the site twice and hasn't returned since the second ban... at least from what I can tell. In any case I was rather fond of this guy and he left some interesting comments on my blog and had a lot of entertaining things to say. He's gone now by the looks of things (unless he has another sneakly alt account). In any case his blog reached over 200 comments, I'm dead serious. What was he talking about you ask? He was talking about taking his own damn life, that's what. Read at your own discretion.
You see the biggest issue I have here is that the fact that so many people came to give Dreamweaver reassurance led him to create countless posts like this and they all got tonnes of attention. Now I'm not going to say that this blog was poorly written because it wasn't, It was a personal blog that involved serious real life matters that have been deemed inappropriate for Destructoid hence the ban. I too went to try and stop him from doing something crazy.
The reason why the blog recieved so much attention was the clickbait title... but also the content of the article. Now I'm pretty sure everything that Dreamweaver was saying back then was true and I hope that he's still doing fine. After hearing about his ban I was concerned for his welfare, I'm not gonna lie but then when Morpho came back I was relieved only for him to be banned again, apparrently for NSFW content or something, I don't know.
Speaking of banned individuals there was also Reinholde Hoffman, he was always on the C blogs every single day making silly blogs and stuff. Now I don't exactly know why he was banned, perhaps he spoke his mind a little too much and it wouldn't surprise me if that was the case. After all I'm kinda the same, I say a lot of things that people don't agree with and speak my mind all the time. I'm not the sort of person who sugarcoats things. I tell it as it is even if you don't want to hear it. This kinda worries me because I do have a bit of history with this site and I don't want to get banned for speaking my mind. Regardless the fact that he is no longer on the site is part of the reason why I considered leaving in the first place. I don't think that Hoffman meant any harm, he just wanted to be one of us dammit.
In any case after observing the patterns I saw, I decided to write a blog that would go against everything I stand for as a blogger: Glorified Shitposting
Now take a look at this article look at how little effort I put into it, now look at the comments. You see the issue here? Well I do.
You see when I write a review I'm usually lucky to get 2 comments, let alone 11. It seems to me that reviews just don't cut it on here, I think it's probably something Lord Spencer experiences a lot as well. Well written content doesn't get attention, clickbait does. I can kinda see why. Why would I want to read a blog about a game I don't know anything about or don't care about when there's that clickbaity blog just below it? I'll admit that I myself am guilty of this to a certain degree. However I have noticed recently that my review blogs are getting considerably less comments than i used to which is ironic because I would argue that i put way more work and effort into them than I used to. The old reviews I made had some issues, they were too brief and didn't cover things well enough, there are reviews I made like my Star Ocean 2 review which were utter shit, fuck that review.
Nowadays I try a lot harder than I used to and carefully plan out my review beforehand as I play the game, taking notes and stuff. I feel that this has lead my reviews to get better and that they are way more informative than they used to be. You see I'm not only learning about writing but I'm also learning more about gaming and as I learn more about gaming, I get more ideas for my review and I begin looking at games differrently.
Apparrently though, none of this has paid off:
Ok so not only does my blog have 0 comments but the recapper seems to think that my idea of a review is ludicrous. For the record, my review has absolutely no spoilers so I don't know how I was giving any more than a "taste of the game". I don't think this is what the recapper means though. Deep down I think what the recapper is talking about is the fact that the blog has way too much information for him to swallow. My question is do you want your eggs cooked or raw? It appears that the recapper enjoys his eggs raw because the information I mention in my review is critical to understanding whether it is for them or not. As for those who don't care about the specifics, I have a score at the bottom of my review which basically sums up my opinion of the game just to appease them. The truth is, that score won't help you.
In any case this recap speaks one thing to me and one thing clearly. I don't think the recapper particularly hated my review, rather I think that the reviews I write have absolutely no place on this site. Not only am I unsure whether or not many people actually read them now. I just don't think it's worth putting my reviews on the c blogs anymore. I did it because I didn't want to leave the people who supported my blogs down. It seems however that few people seem to care about what I say now.
In any case I was planning on making sure I write another review on the c blogs for the sake of another member of the site who gifted me the game i want to review. That person seems to apparrently be leaving the C blogs. Why is it that people always leave? I've seen countless people on this site who took their leave be it announced or unannounced. It saddens me because I got along with many of those people. It feels like the destructoid I came to back in 2014 is no longer here, every single time I see new faces come and go and its downright depressing, I don't see any unity on this site anymore. It doesn't help that front page writers up and leave every single time... though a few do come back every now and again. Those people are still part of the community but when they leave it feels like they were just along for the ride.
Yet I make this post, a post about leaving the site like all those other people, if they're gone then I might as well be next to leave... until the next lot of people leave. I wanted to be differrent I really did but it's getting harder and harder to talk to all of you. I feel misplaced in the community now, I really do. I think the real term is "slight". I don't feel as if many of the newer people on the site actually know me and with the older people constantly leaving me, It feels a lot emptier on here.
In any case perhaps it is for the best, the fact that I speak my mind on these things is toxic to some. Heck I fear that some of the things I say will get me banned half the time and considering the fact that a lot of my work is on the C blogs, that scares me. I fear that it is my destiny to get banned from this site and the only way to escape it is to leave. Heck this could be the post that gets me the ban. After seeing what happened to "he shall not be named" I can safely say that the mods will only tolerate so much freedom of speech until they finally decide to throw down the banhammer.
There's also the fact that I don't agree with the idea of "mass media outlets" and considering the fact that Destructoid is one of them, I can't exactly say that I belong here, I don't feel like part of the team that backs Destructoid, I stand against the things it stands for but despite this I respect the people on here, I just hate the system, systems frustrate me.
Heck most of who who read this probably don't even know who the hell I am. I have barely been blogging on here at all recently. The reason for this is that my blogs take a lot longer to write than they used to and it's getting hard... but that's a sign that I'm improving. Writing blogs is supposed to be time consuming, it's supposed to be hard and it's supposed to feel hard, you gotta feel the sweat or you'll never improve. Now I've been struggling with this as I'm a very slow person. I tend to procrastinate a lot I'm not gonna lie. It's hard for me to consistently write tonnes of crappy articles, let alone top quality articles, that goes to show how much respect I have for many of the front page writers, Peter Glasgowski to name one (that guy doesn't get enough attention).
I also fear that if i stick around here, I'm going to end up pissing off not only people who don't know me but also losing the respect of the people who liked me. I really think the best thing for me to do is quit while I'm ahead before everything goes wrong. I'm a blunt asshole, I talk to people harshly, I make bold statements that can offend people and most of all I say a lot of selfish shit and whine like a bitch like I'm doing right here in this blog, complaining that things aren't going my way. These are my demons, we all have them, I have plenty of them. Thing is, those demons are what makes me, me. Sure some of those demons I really need to work on... at the same time I feel the need to ventilate my thoughts and feelings more openly.
So I think it is in everyone's best interest that I leave now before bad shit happends. I'm not going to lie, it has been a fun ride, I was pleasantly surprised to get feedback and comments from community members in the first place. If anything my biggest fault is that I took this for granted. I really don't deserve the attention I have gotten. I just hope that I can be forgiven by everyone who hated me and if not then oh well. In any case while I'm gone, just take all the things I say into consideration. The reason why i'm so blunt and critical of AAA games and publishers and the consumer is because I care about the future of the gaming industry and I want to see things improve. I want people to look at the stat of the industry and ask themselves "should I really buy this game day 1 or would it send the wrong message?" My goal is for people to acknowledge and act against unethical business practices... just like Jim Sterling... another former member of this site, thank god for him.
Unlike Jim Sterling however, I want to focus less on the news and more on the positives of gaming. I want to remind people why we play games in the first place. I want to arm people with knowledge and learn from other people's knowledge so that if the gaming industry crashes again, we will be ready.
If you give a shit about that sort of content then be sure to check out my blog: Cynical Gaming Blog
This is my new home, this is where I will be continuing my work. If you want to stick with me, feel free to. If not, ebjoy your time here on Destructoid and enjoy your life. For the record, I don't expect anyone to stick with me, there are so many other writers on this site such as Michformer who gives my content a run for its money. Just do me one thing, support the quality content on this site. Support people like Lord Spencer and Kerrik52 who write long, detailed blogs because they are in the same boat as me, they just want to be heard and listened to, so go and listen to them.
In any case I don't want to overstay my welcome, I might stick around replying to a few comments and stuff but after that I'm out... that is if this blog doesn't get banned for bringing up certain people. Please understand that I'm a cynical, paranoid sod and that everything mentioned in this blog may be nothing more than a big misunderstanding.
Also If you choose to comment on this blog, please comment on someone elses blog as well. Thanks.