Ladies and gentlemen, your lives are all meaningless and your daily routines are shallow grinds through the dark put that is humanity.
Want to know why? Because too many people fail to recognize that Rock Lobster is the greatest musical achievement man has climbed to, and anyone who believes otherwise is lost in the maze of life.
Reasons why this song is amazing and everything you know about your life is wrong.
1) It embodies the best of the most popular music genres.
It's funky, it's poppy and close to the end it starts to become rocky too. It appeals to all tastes, and if you don't start tapping your foot when this song comes on the radio then you should take your foot off the break and drive yourself into the river.
2) It embraces the child-like wonder of the 1970s and we should all cherish that.
The 70s may have been rife with the Cold War, social change and the battle for civil and reproductive rights, but it was also a time full of drugs.
But don't get me wrong, anyone that characterizes this song just because it seems drug-fuelled is grossly misinformed, and should have their brains checked before handing them to Hannibal Lectar for supper.
This song transcends it's drug-filled origins to become an enlightening experience for those who listen to it. What does a dog-fish sound like?
This song is almost educational, so you can put that on the list of ways this song makes your life better.
So how did this song come to fruition? What events had to inspire that led to its creation and how it eventually lead to world peace (wait for it).
Well, based on an interview with the band, it went as follows.
The guitarist made a dumb riff.
Seriously, watch this interview and see if you can make heads or tails of it. You can't tell if the drugs the band members took in the 70s still haven't worn off, or if they just have no idea how this song happened. But you know what? I don't think it matters.
We have been blessed with the greatest musical creation of all time, and we shouldn't waste it. We need to embrace the world-changing effects on our daily lives, or else we're doomed to rot in monotony.
It's like Stephen King once said...
"Get busy living, or get busy listening to the B52s Rock Lobster."
That line is often misquoted.