I’ve been haunting these hallways for quite some time now. Destructoid… My “home away from home”. You folks probably know more about me than most of my blood relatives for fuck’s sake!
While it feels like I’ve been here my whole life, I’m aware that I’m but a mere blip on the Destructoid history map. Still, I thought it might be fun to document some of my travels that brought me to where I am today.
Look at me…. So young. So naïve. So gosh darn handsome!
Back then I didn’t have a care in the world. I was just happy to be here! I only had one “fap”, but boy did I ever put that “fap” to work! Life was simple, but it was sweet….
Everything changed with a kiss.
Dangus Taargus gave me a big ol’ smoocharoo, and I was elated! At first…. Then the rash started to form. Only, it wasn’t just a rash.
It was also a constant reminder that I wasn’t the only user that (dirty, devilishly handsome, rogue…) Dangus Taargus had been smooching! The disease was spreading, and the cause was plain as day…..
Dangus Taargus was a whore.
It took some time, but I eventually started to put my life back together. Sure, I thought about that beautiful, pixelated bastard every time that I saw my own reflection! Sure, I cried every time that I saw another user pop up with that familiar “blocky” complexion! But in the face of adversity, I found a way to move on….
Hell, I did one better! I got elected as the coveted “Top Nep” of Destructoid!
Eat your heart out Dangus…
For exactly 24hrs, before I relinquished the title back to Gundy. It was just too much pressure for me to bear… I kept his hat though. That shit is mine now. He bought a new one, and he rocks that thing like the royal Nep that he is!
Throughout all of that, something WONDERFUL happened!!!
This beautiful bastard, ZombZ, asked for help finding the identity of his one true fetish……
The Phalanx Pheller.
During a Community Interview, with our one and only Orochileona, ZombZ reached out to us and asked us to aid him in his search! I answered that call! Hell, I did one better! I formed a goddamn team, and we started digging!
[Pictured: Weslikestacos, ZombZ, & DeadMoon]
Before long, we had struck serious gold… We had a name! It wasn’t much, but it was certainly fucking something!!! “Operation: PP” was a resounding success!!!!!
It may have taken a few months to take hold, but Pheller Fever hit the community hard….
[Even Mike Martin, despite his recent absence, somehow got caught up in it…..]
Now all that’s left to do is actually write the article…. To “end” this magic moment. To finally finish up this beautiful, bizarre, perfect experience where I got to be a part of something truly “special”. These moments pop up every so often in our lives, and it’s hard to let them go…..
Kudos to Angie for this amazing gif, you beautiful wizard!
It is time though. I assure you, the article will come soon. I just want to really knock this one out of the park! We’ve still got a few loose ends to tie up, so you’ll just have to bear with us for the time being.....
It’s weird how I’ve only been active for such a short period of time on Destructoid, yet I’ve already made so many strong (extremely specific) connections that have shaped me (and my avatar!) into the person who is talking to you right now…
This has been a pretty crazy journey, but I’m sure there are plenty of wonderful memories to come. Seriously, thanks for everything folks! It’s been absolutely ridiculous, but I’ve had a lot of fun!
[Video footage courtesy of Angie]
[Note: The pixelated avatars in this blog were lovingly created by Dangus Taargus. My original Top Nep avatar, the detective team pic, and all Phellered avatars were the work of ZombZ.]