[Minor SPOILERS ahead for Breath of the Wild, just in case you're going in as blind as possible. Zelda's appearance, inconsequential mid-cutscene gifs, etc.]
Millions of us have sat in our desk chairs, loins quivering, frustrated at the world and its lack of poignant lewds. Many of them are merely crass breasts, butts, ankles, cocks, feet, and various other sick nethers. Nary a real meaning to any of it. Afterall, whackin' and jackin' is such a natural part of life. We may take it for granted every now and again.
So, let us be real here. We could use a little more flavor and substance. Tender love and care with some philosophy on the side.
I mean, anthropomorphic video game controllers. Doesn't that make you think?
Convince me you weren't at least somewhat taken aback when you saw your first bust of the unofficial Nintendo Switch doggo. Then again, you might've been completely naive to this as a thing. In which case, congratulations! You now are very aware that this is a thing. Either way, set aside some time and a cold beverage for this one because even I sort of still have trouble believing someone out there worked up the moxy to sexualize a video game controller.
I mean, this is not necessarily anything new, but it's definitely rare. Of all things I routinely sexualize, video game controllers are... pretty low on that list. As of now, not at the very most bottom, but pretty low.
Of course, it doesn't just go as far as the Nintendo Switch console itself, we also see the games for it and the unique makeup featured within this spectrum of unadulterated funk.
I wouldn't put it past myself to be somehow attracted to eyebrows. Not brow furling, but just the eyebrows. Heh, right? Perhaps let's not anthropomorphize them and then strap on a pair of boobs, but I think I can get down with the idea of stroking Zelda's upper face fur.
Her butt would be a safer option.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, me being as boy-crazy as I am, I haven't had my mind off Birthing Hips Link since the reveal. Whereas some might scoff at the idea of a Link that is feminized even further, I welcome it with open arms and an unzipped zipper.
I want him to take me into his arms and just HYAHH until I GUUAH.
He has the courage to take on any dong. Sloppily-censored or no, he will not back down from a rock-hard challenge.
Here, we see Link presenting Zelda with some lovely flowers. Not that I'm jealous or anything! Totally not.
She doesn't even seem to like the flowers. I would love those flowers. Those tasty, untrimmed, sweaty flowers.
I'm not sure why I stay surprised when I'm presented with porn of [x]. In spite of my far-reaching, grubby, little cursor/mouse/keyboard, it still happens pretty often. I guess I've never really been into anthropomorphic birds, as heavily as I'm generally into furries. Something about the beaks turn me off. Something about the lack of assurance of a pain-free jibber.
Though, I think I was mostly surprised by the sheer amount I saw of Kass, so quickly. It seems, more and more, people are coming to be all too self-aware that people are explicitly expecting porn of [x] to arise almost spontaneously. Artists will work quickly to fill those voids.
A lot of these see Kass sporting a gigantic, er, feeder.
But, how are y'all feeling about the Switch, anyway?
I'm, personally, waiting for either a price drop or, more likely, Mario Kart 8 and Splatoon 2. At that point, I'm sure there will be some nice bundle deals to partake in and I'll have more than several games to enjoy. Ya know, more goodness besides Zelda and an impulse indie purchase (as of now, I'm mostly just considering Gonner). There's also been talk of some rather irking input lag that's been especially putting me off for the time-being.
But, whenever I do get it, I'm sure I'll at least enjoy it as much as I did my Wii U. In the long-term, I can see myself going back to it far more often, though. Especially if they actually do up the Virtual Console right this time. In my opinion, they haven't come close to capitalizing on the potential of that since the original Wii, which had a pretty ace selection of games.
With that said, above all else, I kind of just want my Zelda and in as pristine condition as possible.
But, why don't we cut back to the frapping chase, shall we? Porn. Sexy (?) porn.
I have to admit, I've garnered a sort of special thang for the unofficial Nintendo doggo. Often presented in a THICC fashion, she is feminine, sassy, smol, and slightly creature-esque. All things I really like. It's why I love Midna so much and she is the reason to live.
And, believe me, there is no shortage of these images.
If you take one thing from this blog, it's that people will do what should not be and you should deeply appreciate that.
When I come to finally hold a Switch controller in my hands, it might get awkward. It's difficult to escape how huge a pervert I am. There's no getting around the allure of the contrast of something completely non-sexualized being made sexualized and I can't deny I'm always wanting more.
In recent days, I've collected porn more than I've jerked to it. The indulgence is captivating, both in the collection aspect and enjoying other's ideas of what is sexy. Or just what they decide to create that they intend to have folk find sexy. Especially when there's a dash of humor added in (of which you will find in a lot of the above and below). All of it speaking to such a natural, primitive desire. We could very well be just working our wurst to conventional human body parts or some straight fuckin'. But, we are becoming more and more open to the idea of taking such impulses to some odd extremes.
I hope to see that mentality taken far enough until we're through shaming eachother for some innocent fetishes. As out there as they can be.
People are super horny, guys.