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LONG BLOG

The Torch-Files

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It's no secret that a passtime of mine is bullying Torchman, and over the past few months, I've slapped together a few photoshop edits that really encapsulate him as a person. The purpose of this blog is simply to compile them for your convenience and enjoyment. Also included will be a few bonus edits made by other community members!

A note by the author: It is worth noting that these edits have continuity issues, and the explanation is simple. Experts around the world debate exactly who, and what Torchman is. Many believe that he is a shitty mech who is married to Naoto, while another popular theory suggests that he is a lonely mecha fan who spends his nights alone, pleasing himself to images of his waifu. A fringe theory exists that claims that Big O and Naoto are in fact Torchman's adoptive parents, and the other theories are mere locals legends. There are only 2 things we do know: He's a canuck, and has shit taste.

1. The Origin of Torchman

by Charles Darwin

2. Torchman Masturbates to his Waifu

In this image, we see Torchman staring at a photo of Naoto with a less than pure look in his eyes and he comes to a climax.

3. Torchman Fights With a Handsome, Charming Man Over His Lust For Naoto

The title says it all, really.

4. Torchman's Adoptive Parents Reveal the Truth

Torch's feeble mind is unable to grasp the emotional impact of what he has been told.

5. Ghost Dad


A film based upon a local legend in which Torchman becomes a twisted, psychopathic spirit who psychologically and physically tortures his 3 children who told him Big O was shit.


Community Contributions:

TheBlondeBass's interpretation of Torchman

TheBlondeBass's interpretation of Torchman: Part 2 -- Electric Boogaloo

Malthor's interpretation of Torchman

Seymour(The Artist Formerly Known As SeymourDuncan)'s interpretation of Torchman

I hope that these images were useful towards understanding that engima that is Torchman. It may be years before we are able to comprehend exactly what he is, in fact it may not happen in our lifetimes. However, the pursuit of the truth will not be thwarted. Regardless of how long it takes, we will unravel the mystery.

Author's Note: If you have any Torchman shitposts that you don't see included here, I implore you to share them with me so that I can add them to "The Torch-Files"! 

- "K is for Kid, a guy or gal just like you. Don't be in such a hurry to grow up, since there's nothin' a kid can't do." - Bastion


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LOOK WHO CAME:


Hypno    
Seymour   43
ikiryou   31
TheBlondeBass   27
Robo Panda Z   27
GodEmperor Paige   20
vxxy   20
Malthor   18
Lawman   17
Kevin Mersereau   11
RenaudB90   11
Gajknight   10
hlarge4   9
Nathan D   9
Kristmas Kaiser   8
Pizza in a Tangle   7
LaTerry   6
homeoftheblues   6
Scrustle   6
Isuma   6
NinjaSpeed   6
PhilKenSebben   4
Kerrik52   4
GoofierBrute   4
Nior   3
Gamemaniac3434   3
triggerpigking   2
Batthink   1


 
 

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About Hypno one of us since 7:55 PM on 08.15.2014


"K is for Kid, a guy or gal just like you. Don't be in such a hurry to grow up, since there's nothin' a kid can't do." - Bastion


Somehow I was a Community Manager, but now I'm just a mod boy, I need no sympathy.
________________________________________________________________________________
Where to reach me:
Steam: Hypno Coffin (Your best bet)
Battlenet: HypnoCoffin#1172
League of Legends: MoontouchedBread (NA server)
________________________________________________________________________________

Big List of Favorites:
________________________________________________________________________________
--Favorite Games:
Bastion
Unravel
Fallout: New Vegas
Metro: 2033
Borderlands
INSIDE
Transistor
Bloodborne
Ori and the Blind Forest
The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth/Afterbirth/+
Heroes of Might and Magic III
Pokemon Colosseum/XD
Pikmin 2
Okami
Cave Story+
Risk of Rain
Dishonored
Terraria
Pillars of Eternity
Pyre
Night in the Woods
Enter the Gungeon
The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker
Monster Hunter World
Tomb of Friends
Halo 1/2/3/ODST/Reach

________________________________________________________________________________
--Favorite Bands/Artists:
Streetlight Manifesto
Cage The Elephant
Talking Heads
Crywank
Steely Dan
Hop Along
Nataly Dawn
Toh Kay
Bandits of the Acoustic Revolution
The Aquabats
Brackish Water Jamboree ;)
________________________________________________________________________________
--Favorite Anime:
Kyousougiga
Sakamichi no Apollon (Kids on the Slope)
Yojouhan Shinwa Taikei (The Tatami Galaxy)
Perfect Blue
Ghost in the Shell
Ping Pong The Animation
Mushishi
Katanagatari
Shouwa Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu
NHK ni Youkoso! (Welcome to the N.H.K.)
FLCL / Fooly Cooly
Serial Experiments Lain
Samurai Champloo
________________________________________________________________________________
--Favorite Films/Television series:
Requiem for a Dream
Adaptation
Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Memento
Beetlejuice
Five Easy Pieces
A Coffee in Berlin
In the Heat of the Night
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Ed Wood
Breaking Bad
Arrested Development
Better Call Saul
Broadchurch S1
True Detective S1
It Follows
Swiss Army Man
The VVitch
________________________________________________________________________________

Big thanks to Dangus Taargus (who looks like a male model, by the way) for immortalizing my signature Chiyo frown in 8-Bit glory.