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LONG BLOG

Turning Japanese: My Wifu

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His manhood throbbed in her hands as she massaged his shaft. Moans of delight whispered from his lips to her ears. She lay back onto the bed and slipped off her panties placing them onto his erection. She arched her back and began to gently rub her hips, heaving her breasts up and down as her hands continued caressing towards her burning hot thighs, inching closer and closer to... Oh, hai. I was just talking to myself.
 

Hello! I have some fantastic news! This is a momentous occasion for us so I wanted to share it with the only people I know on planet Earth that have never and will never judge me. My fellow Dtoiders - that's y'all! So please say hello to my true love and future wifu Stacy Nightfury as we make the ultimate commitment – we're engaged to be married! 

Stacy

There are no secrets between my petal and I. My dearest has confided in me all the drama of her past. A little background about my wifu.

A Japanese native, specifically Stacy was born, raised and worked in a bathhouse and part-time Yakuza brothel (she's quite adamant she only practised Criminal Law there) called 'The 'Black Widow' that was located in Kyoto. It has since been closed – mysteriously burnt to the ground. It was here she learnt about life, love, lawsuits and naked Japanese men.

Many moons ago she had been engaged to a visiting westerner and marine biologist by the name of Jordan Devore, he was a loving husband but away too much. She then became entangled and forced into an affair with foreign diplomat Ben Davis (she insisted she tried to control herself but his womanising charm was too strong). Shamed, Stacy then fled to America and into the reliable arms of IndyCar racer Chris Carter (who unfortunately wasn't interested in a long-term relationship). She then met three star michelin chef Darren Nakamura who swept her off her feet, but eventually his 16 hour days began to take their toll on her. Love was not meant for her it seemed.

Some years later at a bar she got picked up by two guys named Hansen and Makedonski who convinced her to audition for a film they were shooting called “18 Holes” (they said it was a golf movie like that Kevin Coster one). They ended up filming a drunken threesome (footage of which, despite our cease and desist, can still be found on xtube). It may look like she instigated everything on film but Stacy has convinced me that it was all post-production editing. After completing rehab Stacy found God, got sober and remarried, this time to Zack Furniss. Over their three year relationship Stacy told me Zack had become cold and bitter towards her due to a few credit card spending sprees. I think she is totally right, he should have set a spending limit in the beginning and known the whereabouts of his own wallet. It ended in a bitter divorce and she was left with nothing but her clothes, his car and house.

One day, while out driving, tragedy struck. An off-duty police officer mistook her for the notorious black widow called “The Nightfury” who murdered men in their sleep at the stroke of midnight and stole all their money. The police chased my sweetheart at speed in excess of 40mph! She, the ever vigilant humanitarian, saw a squirrel on the road ahead and swerved to miss it. Stacy lost control of Zack's Bentley and careered off the Golden Gate Bridge into a passing yacht. Things ended badly, everyone died. Except, thanks to the grace of god, my little angel.

Coincidently, I tried contacting them but none of the men from her past can be located, which is strange I guess... but hey, anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the accident.

This is a still from actual Reuters footage

Suffering cuts and bruises, broken bones, three degree burns, amnesia and brain damage. My darling forgot who she was, but thanks to the miracle of hypnosis she has now regained some of her memory. The doctor said her CT, PET and MRI scans were clear and she was fine and healthy, but I believe my pumpkin when she says she hurt her boo-boo and can't remember so well.

I met her while I was working as a male nurse at San Francisco's George Clooney Hospital where she was admitted to. Little did I know my future wifu had been delivered to me. The second our eyes locked, as she was defecating into a bedpan, I felt sparks - I can't think why it carried a nervous almost embarrassed like energy with it - as the electricity flowed from her gaze into mine. It was then I realised I had entered the wrong room. She finished with a final gentle thrust and asked me to hand a her some wet-naps before I left. It was love at first sight.

And here we are today, in love and about to be married. Just a small gathering of our friends and my family - she bizarrely has no relations.
We have come to Kyoto, where we plan to tie the knot and have our honeymoon. I think it is going to be really nice creating happy new memories for my love back in her home town. We plan to settle down here (I've started learning the language and unbeknownst to her I have already eyed a house to buy) but for now have rented a small country house in a remote quiet area where my betrothed has promised to give me a special gift, that she says "I'll never forget", around midnight.

So, yeah, there it is. I am now sat here bubbling with excitement ready to extend invitations to you all, hoping that you kindly RSVP asap. Please leave your reply in the comments below especially if you can't attend because Stacy would like to know why.

The first 100 losers to call my wifu shit are motherfucking unoriginal, unintelligent, child molesting, used car sellering, vegan douche-nozzles that definitely enjoy licking public toilets clean with their tongues. Try to be smart for once, OK?

 

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About Luckrequiredone of us since 12:26 PM on 02.08.2014


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Life doing its thing. You feelin' it, too?


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Vanessa could take Samus.


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Roughly Ten Things About Me:
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I'm an European-Asian male living under the rule of a monarchy.

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I am not a writer; I am a crayonologist. I enjoy shredding paper with pencils. It's extremely cathartic.

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I'm very passionate about reading, it helps me pretend I'm English (wot wot). My favourite book is Alexandre Dumas' "The Count of Monte Cristo".

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I love listening to music on trains, in parks, sprawled out on my bed and during gaming. I like any genre; favourite artists include: Underworld, James Brown, The Police, David Gray, The Kinks, Johnny Cash, Foo Fighters and Jimi Hendrix.

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I adore film and popcorn. Popcorn slightly more. I couldn't pick a favourite film but I do tend to shy away from horror. Oh, fuggit I'll name-drop Leon and Gladiator.

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Like fellow Dtoiders I also game.

| My Top Ten | My GOAT Game | My Sega Saturn |
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Other things include: drinking too much tea, unashamedly singing poorly, making shallow attempts at keeping fit, and thinking too much.

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Finally, I'm an enthusiastic cook. Currently obsessed with making Tacos. Was obsessed with quiche and focaccia.


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My Ninja Gaiden Home

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BLOGRONOMICON 2nd Edition
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RETCON-PUNCH!
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CONFESSION
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Resident Eggy
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The Ninth Thingy
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Olivia Rescue Simulator
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Caption Contest # 14


13 | 12 | 11 | 10 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1


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Officially retired from active Dtoiduty.