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LONG BLOG

Waifu Wars: Late But Great!

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Why hello there, if you're reading this then congratulations! You're reading the mythical waifu wars blog that will reveal who Torchman's waifu is and why your waifu, especially one specific waifu who shall be identified later, is shit. Gotta have that magical build up. Also forewarning, there are massive spoilers in there for the series she is from.

While the theme of the month was waifu wars, there was no actual wars. People proposed their love for shit, because that's what most if not all of the waifus I saw were, shit, but no shots were fired. In fact, I had to take it upon myself to bring the war aspect of this, showing the false love that gaj had for Naoto while preaching the truth upon the rest of you. All the while going through technical difficulties, laziness, and real life matters that prevented the blog from being written and revealing the truth to all. Why is this? Is it because you are all scared to go on an offense because your waifu is shit? After all, no one attacked anyone that had a publicly known waifu, maybe giving a remark or two before backing down hard, and actively went after the man with the unknown waifu, who was only known to a select few and vaguely hinted at to the rest. You see the gif below, with 4th best girl Dorothy, who is also still better than your shit waifus? That's basically what I had to do the whole month because you were all massive cowards.


And what did I get for all this? Salt and mocking, since without a blog apparently a man doesn't love his waifu. To the site and their shit waifus, apparently I didn't have one, and the gif below basically summed up their accusations.


So you know what? If you're all being cowards here and not actually  bringing a war, I think yuo can all accept someone being a little late with their blog. Because in summary, all your heads are going to blow up once you witness a great waifu, much like when Big O punches a fool.

So ladies and gentlemen, here we go! The moment of truth,  the moment that you've all been waiting for! The waifu is...!











If you thought I wasn't going to fuck with you at least once, you were kidding yourself. Consider it a bit of vengeance for everything that occurred.  You'll get no sympathy from me.

And now without further wait, here is my waifu!

Angel from the Big O! Hinted at but never mentioned by name, she is the wonderful waifu that puts all yours to shame. For those that don't know who she is, especially you Bass, since you won't watch the Big O despite Lawman and I pressuring you, Angel is a recurring character on the show. Acting as an ally to Roger, she also serves the interests of her own boss, Alex Rosewater, as well as a spy for a foreign organization called 'The Union'. She's capable of kicking complete ass, willing to use a gun where Roger won't, and she will do what it takes to achieve her goals. Heck, she ran a couple of circles around Roger as well for a couple of episodes. She can stand on her own two feet, which is perfect material right there, and can even kick your waifu's butt. Plus how can you say no to a look like that? 

A large part of what makes her special is that as she interacts more with Roger, she becomes less of a hindrance and opposition, and begins working alongside him to achieve progress. She was even willing to risk her position under the big bad to warn him about his right hand man and to shoot him immediately upon sight.  It was her conviction in these actions that left such a major impression on Roger, that it became a major part in Rogers final negotiation of the show. Also, unlike a lot of other people, it is possible to reach an agreement with Angel, as seen throughout the series and in the series finale.

Plus she's got the perfect getup right there. Emphasis on them assets, perfect hairstyle, one pieces, coordinated. Also has a great body. Can't go wrong with that. Did we also cover that she's mad styling?

Can't go wrong with all that fashion. Looking good in every outfit, clearly the sign of a quality waifu. Even helping showing off that quality body right there. How many of your waifus even wear more than one set of clothes for months on end? Or even clothes at all? Then again, they may have given up on the clothes since clothed shit is still shit. Just saying, that can't be helped, shit's gonna be shit. She is also kind of an angelic being, just saying. Being a higher being is worth something right now.

I'd pierce those heavens if you know what I mean. 

Now you may be saying after the earlier fight remark. 'Well my waifu would destroy your waifu in a fight because my waifu can do x, y and z.' To which I say I'm glad for you, that you have to defend your waifu in the one regard that they seem superior in to try and hide the fact they are shit in light of everything else. Just one problem. We aren't done talking about how superior my waifu is over all your waifus, especially since NOW we are getting to the hints that made some of you people go 'Your waifu's a machine that doesn't count now excuse me while I cry over my shit waifu'. 


Behold Big Venus, the mech Angel transforms into. Yes, you read that correct, transformed into, not pilots. The megadeus responsible for the event of 40 years ago that is a central point in the plot of the Big O, capable of altering memories and reality itself. Now let that sink in before you start spouting more nonsense about your waifu being comparable in any aspect. As you can see by the fact the sky has basically turned into a fucking grid, and as you can see below on poor Big Fau, the mech it appeared behind. 

Look at that poor man. Couldn't even move his mech out of the way. Now I know what your thinking, despite the fact basically everything in the surroundings is gone. 'Clearly the mech only got wrecked because it couldn't move and was damaged.' Well don't you worry, we can fix that. It's called SRW Z3 Jigoku-Hen and the 'Let's watch Big Venus tear through a bunch of mechs' scenario. Featuring bad Microsoft paint cropping! Starting with two of each Big, including working Big Faus!

Oh, they were basically flies. Well how about you Mazinger Z, can you take it with a punch powered by Zeus?

Oh well, you tried. Also got another mech erased in the process. Good job! Over to you Gurren Lagann and Space King Kittan. You've gone through the moon drop already, you should be able to take her no problem.

Well there goes that. Shin Getter Robo, surely you got this.

Wow, she even got in your grill. Gunbuster? Shinji?

Well shit. Guess we better send in the original character and Rei to solve the problem.

And this ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, means something very important, that a war must also end with. A score.

Angel -1 Rei - 0

Someone's gotta prove their waifu is superior and here we have photographic proof from video proof of this. I didn't even feel like this part was needed initially, but it makes it all the worthwhile after what happened. So to you Nathan, who brought this upon himself, and everyone else that was caught in the waifu wars,I leave you with this message.

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Mike Sounders   
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Chris Moyse   4
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About Mike Soundersone of us since 3:05 PM on 10.27.2013

Shout outs to Dango for the lovely sidebar





For disclosure purposes, I have backed the following kickstarter campaigns:

Mega Man The Board Game
Exploding Kittens
Scythe
Bears VS Babies
Bloodborne: The Board Game