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LONG BLOG

We need to get some perspective on this Ghostbusters shit RIGHT NOW

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It's not my policy to post two blogs in a day, but this shit is timely. 

I've now had a whole day to digest the new Ghostbusters trailer. In case you missed it, it's this one. 

A whole RUINED day. All the salt over Nintendo Direct was WASTED. I should have been enjoying a salt banquet. I should have been crouched by the side of the road with a 99p lighter and a spoon stolen from a cafe, cooking the salt and injecting it into my cock. But no. I was curled up on a sofa with a comfort blankie being the saddest Ghostbuster ever.

It's at times like this that the internet is a useful barometer for your lifestyle choices. If the whole internet is upset about something and you agree with it, it means you need to shape up.

I started off by showing the trailer to my seventy year old mother. She's not the biggest geek in the world, but she knows what she likes. She likes Downey Jr as Tony Stark. She once A-ranked the vocals of Paranoid by Black Sabbath on Rock Band. She likes Danny Sexbang. Anyway, she was over the moon. She didn't care about the bad pacing, the terrible choice of clips and the cutting which murdered half the jokes. Shit, she's still coming down off the fact that the new Jedi is a woman. It made me think that if an old lady can get happy over this given the right angle, maybe all I need is to find an angle that works for everyone else.

It came to me almost instantly. Watch the original trailer for Ghostbusters. Here you are. It's OK, I'll wait for you.

Welcome back. Thanks for sticking with me. I suggest you balance your device on the bathroom mirror while you hold your newly-slashed wrists in the warm water.

A lot of people are claiming that the new trailer shows that this will be a movie about cheap gags, not on funny characters interacting honestly.

I present the evidence above. There is not one goddamn glimmer of the sparkle between the original cast that lit up the screen in the original movie.

People are saying "Wow, this sure doesn't look like Melissa McCarthy's best work."

I present Exhibit A, which takes Murray, Weaver, Ramis, Aykroyd and Moranis and presents them in an original video essay I like to call "None of these people will ever work again."

Bitches be all like "The black one is an ignorant but streetwise sassy black woman? What is this, 1886?"

I present this smoking gun, which may have featured Ernie Hudson for all of, what, three quarters of a second?

So chill out. Have a Twinkie. The new Ghostbusters might be a complete disaster, but there's no earthly way you're going to tell by the trailers. Trailers are liars and whores. Trailers made Thunderbirds and The Phantom Menace look good.

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About Dalek Sexone of us since 3:11 PM on 02.27.2013

Z list internet comic. I have worked on stuff for podcasts like What A Fool Believes, We Are The Lolocaust, The Monday Movie Show and The Gamescast. I named myself while I was blogging for Tachyon TV. There is a Dr. Who character called "Dalek Sec," only I made it a penis joke. Witty.

I have a Youtube channel where I play terrible mobile games. Sometimes I write and sing funny songs, like the Tailspin theme I rewrote to be about Jonathan Holmes.

Every print magazine and most of the websites I have ever written for have collapsed pyrotechnically within months, making me the Typhoid Mary of games journalism.

I used to write and manage the front page of Encyclopedia Dramatica when it was still good (pre-2008).

I got fired from NTSC-UK once.