As I sit here today, watching waifu battle waifu, demon battle demon, and pocket monster battle pocket monster to the death... I ask myself. Aren't we all just avoiding the real questions here?
Like... Which Senran Kagura character is the sexiest of them all?
It wasn't easy figuring this one out. Even after narrowing it down to a select two, I found myself at a stalemate. Who was it? Which of these girls would be the one to win my heart, which of these girls would bounce their way into the volleyball court of my loins, yes, which of these girls...!!
Which of these girls would be... my Thanksgiving turkey?
For this operation of greatest importance, I needed someone on the inside. I needed someone to penetrate the defenses of these all girls' schools and find out for me who among them truly was worthy of my gravy.
So I called... him.
Meet Old Man Tiddles. With the Enchanted Ninja Panties, inconspicuously worn where no one would ever think to look, Old Man Tiddles was able to infiltrate the ninja schools of Senran Kagura so that we could finally put this to bed.
Naturally, with such a perfect disguise, no one suspected a thing. It was time to get to work.
The first girl was a maiden without compare, whose enchanting eyes was only matched in beauty by the deep, gravely pangs of her voice. It is said children burst into tears of adoration and awe upon basking in her beauty, and looking at pictures at her... Yes, with an aching heart, I am inclined to agree.
I'd let her jingle my bells any time if you know what I'm sayin', am I right?
Kurisu Masu-chan is the greatest of her class' shinobi. And I don't just mean because of her grades, either! With a shapely, leafy, and oh so delightfully triangular body that would make any man swoon in delight, her points are perfectly angular in all the right places. They just don't make all the girls like that, let me tell you, boys.
And just check out those small, delicate feet of hers... As expected of a ninja!
Even before looking at the file on the second girl that Old Man Tiddles had sent me, I was sure that Kurisu Masu was the one. The sexiest girl in the world.
Oh how wrong I was.
Meet Tuhr Kii-chan.
That perfectly cubed, angular chest, just waiting to unwrapped...
Those wondrous eyes, like pure onyx jammed into her waiting face holes...
Hair like the most delectable of KFC leftovers...
Skin like the greasiest of fast foods...
And her legs are the most rounded and shapely I've ever had the delight to see!
Without a doubt... This was the sexiest Senran Kagura character that will ever be.
This... was my soul mate.
Naturally, this teenage video game girl I had never met before was elated when I finally told her the news, as all waifus naturally are. See? Look at those grease stains of joy from her eyes as she leaps triumphantly in the air!
Oh, but fear not, friends.
Though I have not chosen her to be my lawfully wedded dinner, Kurisu Masu-chan shan't be lonely for long.
She has her friends to help comfort her in her time of rejection.