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LONG BLOG

Still nothing to do in Siberia, proves man suing Fallout 4

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Siberia pretty much tops the "Why would anybody live here voluntarily" list. Back in the bad old days of Russia (the other bad old days, not the new Putin ones) being "Sent to Siberia" was satirists shorthand for being disappeared by the state. Having to hear the same "Yeah? Where are you going to send me?" joke every single day must make residency a trial all by itself.

In addition to this however, its climate goes down to minus twenty C. Furthermore, despite covering three quarters of Russia, only a quarter of its populace lives there. In short, Siberia is the Ultrascotland. It's Alaska gone Super Saiyajin 3. In a nation which is the butt of 97% of jokes about poverty, alcoholism and political torture slash assassination, Siberia is the place they make jokes about.

TL;DR: It's bloody cold, there's nobody there and there's bugger all to do.

None of which negative stereotyping is going to be helped by the unnamed Krasnoyarsk resident (his name is redacted in this deposition) who wants to sue Bethesda for seven thousand dollars, claiming that his wife left him and he was fired from his job after he played Fallout 4 for a week. The basis of his case is that he did not realise that games are addictive.

The first thing that occurred to me was that given that Fallout 4 consists of hours of tramping through a bleak, post-apocalyptic landscape, he probably didn't realise he was playing a game. HI-OOOO!



Post-apocalyptic Boston's favourite son


The second thing that occurred to me was to call bullshit. Now, if I were to disappear from my job for a week without warning, I would think it reasonable if they told me not to bother coming back. A marriage doesn't break down over the course of a week over the matter of a video game, though. It seems pretty likely that there's more going on here, and that this guy has decided to chance his arm at restituting his train wreck of a life via the route of a tacky high profile lawsuit. 

The third thing that occurred to me was "Wait, wait, I've got another one. In Fallout, listen to 3Dog and survive. In Soviet Siberia, eat three dogs to survive."

The fourth thing that occurred to me was hang on, is restituting a word? It should be. I'm leaving it up there. Squiggly red underline be damned. F*** THE PO-LICE F*** F*** THE PO-LICE

Russia doesn't have a precedent for frivolous lawsuits yet, and the Anon's lawyers United Law Centre (which doesn't sound at all like an ambulance chasing franchise at all) say that they're pretty much going with it to see where it takes them. In other words, they're doing it for the lulz. I'll be following this one closely, possibly with a view to moving East, changing my name to Dalexi Sayle and suing CAPCOM for the several-thousand-plus hours I've put into Monster Hunter over the past decade.


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About Dalek Sexone of us since 3:11 PM on 02.27.2013

Z list internet comic. I have worked on stuff for podcasts like What A Fool Believes, We Are The Lolocaust, The Monday Movie Show and The Gamescast. I named myself while I was blogging for Tachyon TV. There is a Dr. Who character called "Dalek Sec," only I made it a penis joke. Witty.

I have a Youtube channel where I play terrible mobile games. Sometimes I write and sing funny songs, like the Tailspin theme I rewrote to be about Jonathan Holmes.

Every print magazine and most of the websites I have ever written for have collapsed pyrotechnically within months, making me the Typhoid Mary of games journalism.

I used to write and manage the front page of Encyclopedia Dramatica when it was still good (pre-2008).

I got fired from NTSC-UK once.