Oh dear. Oh lord. Oh boy…
I've been gone for a while, haven't I? I feel kinda bad. I love this place, but I had to put it aside for something I loved even more. Anyone remember my girlfriend? Well, now ex-girlfriend, to clarify. I generally like to be in a mood when I write. If I'm not interested or consumed by the material I'm writing about then it comes out short and quiet honestly, like garbage. Due to relationship struggles and a rather rough (at least on my side) break up, I have thought about nothing on the planet more than the one I cared about so damn much. So I didn't write.
This doesn't mean I didn't play a game or two.
And then I realized: I might be wrong. There's a crucial difference between me playing Undertale on a pacifist run and me working through my life: I know that what I'm doing in Undertale is right. I was trying so hard to stay in my ex's life in some way or another that I didn't stop to think about what's for the best. What is for the best? I don't know. I didn't think about it, and now that I have nothing is coming to my mind. I'm drawing a series of blank cards.
I've been trying to beat Undyne but quite frankly I am garbage at rhythm-based things. It's hard for me. I stop playing for days at a time to balance school and rest. It's rough. I am determined but also beaten up and worn out. With my relationship (or the pathetic pieces of it I've been trying desperately to salvage) I am beaten up, worn out, and questioning my determination. The one thing I've been holding on to and wielding in my fight to hold together what I've already lost is slipping out of my grasp and I'm not sure what I'll do once the last grain of sand hits the bottom of the hourglass.
Never in my life have I been more motivated in another part of my life because of a game. I have been revived, placed on my two feet, and pushed forward towards a goal to be determined about. The world was a challenge that I thought was a good thing to face. It had me running full force into a direction I never checked for cliffs of walls or dead-ends, and probably should have. It was a feeling, alright. One heck of an experience. I owe Toby Fox for the experience his wonderfully, cleverly, and damn near perfectly crafted game he has provided me with.
Thanks Toby, you beautiful bastard.