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LONG BLOG

Challengers wanted: I am Donkey Kong, Death Incarnate

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Mortals take heed: your day of judgment is upon you. For I, Donkey Kong, have come to deliver your destruction.

And, lo, it is here in the glorious arena of Super Smash Bros where my fire shall rain down upon your nations. Bow before me and I shall gift unto you a swift and merciful end. Defy me and I will devour your children and release plagues upon your kingdoms. I am come to tear your world asunder and erase all memory of you. True and righteous are the judgments of the Kong. 

But how will I, Angel of Death, transport you pitiable peons to the afterlife? A fair question with many answers. For I am a capricious beast with a moveset containing a plethora of deadly attacks.  

Perhaps I will simply spike you into the abyss? Bear witness to my keen ability to cast my foes down into a pit of nothingness. Attempts at recovery will only expedite your ruin. Woe to thee who ventures far from the ledge of battle, for none may escape my fierce foot stomp.  

Or perhaps my wrath will take the form of a Donkey punch. May the vials of my fury spill forth this gargantuan force, this unstoppable juggernaut.

My fist has leveled cities and slain armies. With this terrible power I shall lay waste to the realms of Link and Kirby. None shall be spared. For I am King of Kongs, and Lord of Smash. All shall drink from the well of my indignation.

But why? Why must I destroy you who are such insignificant creatures? For what reason must I make your annhilation total and complete?

So sayeth our maker, the Almighty Nintendo, that you must face The Donkey Kong in combat. Nintendo hath judged your parties, your karting, your myriad inequities. And so sealed is your fate. Guaranteed is your massacre.

You are but the lamb. I am the slaughter. 

Pre-slaughtered lambs

Pictured: the dead

Cling to your laughable laser whip, Samus. Have faith in your feeble fireball, Mario. Place trust in your pathetic tier listings. These are but false idols which serve only to underestimate my powers. 

Even with high percentage I shall smite you. Even with but a single stock I shall crush your bones to dust. 

I am the Alpha and Omega. 

I am the Dragon, Mephistopheles, destroyer of worlds.

I am fhe first member of the D.K. crew. 

Tremble and despair, mortals. Tonight, the Kong comes for you.

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About copilotlindyone of us since 11:46 AM on 08.07.2009

20% gamer, 80% misanthrope.

Steamid: Copilotlindy
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