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LONG BLOG

The Mundane and the Magic

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Been a bit since I've logged anything on here. Honestly it's been a rough ride. Things are rough at home. Wife just underwent surgery, I'm feeling like utter hell half the time and killing myself physically trying to get back into the shape of my youth. But also crippled financially. It comes down to if I want any games or anything like them I got to trade chunks of my now gutted collection to do so.

Doesn't matter I suppose. Might do another round of trading tomorrow so I can afford something new to play. As a HUGE horror fan Until Dawn might fit the bill.

Regardless...I'm sitting here bored, posting this as my son is sitting next to me laying with a Thomas the Tank Engine toy and watching the show to match. He's a good kid and I wish I could do more to ensure things end up better for him. But I'm kind of a stay at home dad and as such I get to work at max two days a week...meaning I'm FAR from rich. I'm happy to be here with him, but it's crippling financially speaking. It still saves money on the outrageous prices for daycare though.

I had dreams and ambitions, I guess I still have some. I like to write, and still do, writing shit no one will ever read most likely. I'd love to publish a collection of short stories and maybe even some other nonsense...but it's a pipe dream. From one of my last entires on here I told the tale of my brief foray into the world of professional competitive fighting games. It was exhilerating and I look back on it, even the stressful bits with very fond nostalgia. I still have some of my physical invitations to tournaments in my closet and sometimes find myself staring at them and remembering good times like an old war veteran.

GO HOME AND BE A FAMILY MAN!!!

It's a catch 22 in that I once thought I could support both a hobby and maybe even a family with that lifestyle. When in reality in the end it was the birth of my son that really made me pull back from it and get rusty, out of practice and washed up. I did it because my priorities were in keeping a good family, not losing one trying to eventually MAYBE support one. I don't regret that decision. But nostalgia is still just itself, nostalgic.

Fancy this, I originally came to this website to begin with because I respected the notion of an independant video game news writing site. Because coming out of highschool the plan was to go into college for journalism and do something similar. It was either video games or heavy metal, the two major passions of my life combined with the third, literature. Will that happen now? Doubtful, I didn't go to school, I have no experience and well...I'm not the most likable guy either. Sure, I can write up a good review that people may find entertaining and informative, and yeah, I can talk to someone for hours about either heavy metal or video games, but in the end that doesn't mean much for a career, or really even career oportunities. I guess that's why I still haunt this place like a ghost...the chance to talk video games.

I love the social aspect of video games these days, I love MMOs for this reason. The feeling of working hard for something and then being able to show it off to my peer and to interact with them, testing myself against them, working with them to tackle challenges, all of it. Maybe at the end of the day it's to feel like I'm somebody and not just a nobody like in the mundane reality of real life.

But at the same time I'm not always a glass is half empty kind of guy. Sometimes you've got to realize the real magic hidden within the mundane. I'm not single, living in my parents basement and hating myself every night. I have a wonderful wife and kids who love me despite my flaws. And hey, I'm living in an apartment with power on and a working PS4 to play games I can't afford to get on it! And even if I'm wasting them I suppose I do have some gifts in talent.

Anyway, sometimes it's nice to just to pour the bullshit out and that's what I'm doing here. But if you want to talk games or better yet even some heavy metal, let me know, I'm your guy.

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About Xeoone of us since 1:36 AM on 02.21.2011