Retrofraction blog header photo
Retrofraction's c-blog
Fronts 1Posts 496Blogs 137Following 0Followers 53



PR00U! T3IR! R3d A$h $TRAT GUID3!!!


What to do when the world is full of noobs?

Make stratigie guides!


Much better.

First of all forget reading the intructions... real gamers get lost in small places and stumble and stumble and stumble and stumble and stumble and stumble and stumble and stumble cause reading instructions is for people that don't know how to break the game and build up pro strats!

So before you do anything grip you mouse with your hand and move it over the English button:

Then wait 5 minutes and press down on the left button on your mouse. If you mouse squeaks you have grabbed the wrong mouse and you with have to grab a new one till it clicks. Likewise if your new mouse does not connect to your PC you are doing it wrong... Also if you are using a MAC you are a total noob and should not be playing games anyway.

First thing you are going to notice is that you are in a Mall... Malls are dumb and plain and boring. So you want to get out of the mall. Cause lets face it your friends are not in the mall. So the Mall is a very though place, as you can see there is a lot of sharp edges.

So obviously we need to go by prizon rules if we want to survive this harsh climate. Which means you need to take control of the situation.

First thing to winning this game is getting Call to respect you. With her on your side no one would dare shank you while you are trying to get to the outside. So the best way to take control is to kick her when she is not looking.

After that you need to show everyone whose boss by "kicking the can" by that I mean kicking the garbage dumbster. As the person that controls the inviorment controls the mall.

Now that you have shown them that you are the KING OF THE MALL; its time to excape.

This lady won't stop talking... pro tip. So its better to go back inside.

You notice a silly guy that talks about mayors... ignore him.

Instead jump on his head and jump to iron bars.

Then make your way to a secret room!!!

There you will meet your dopleganger and it is time to kill him before he takes over your life. (besides he called you an old man!%^&*^%!&!&!^!^!&!!*!&!^^!%!)

Why not drink a soda while you are at it?

Pro gamers read the labels on the cans before they drink them.... PPPPRRROOOOOO TIP!!!

Cause not reading labels is for noobs.

This is my first PROOU! TEIR! GUIDES. I want to thank myself becuase I am not a noob so thereforth I am awsome and just by the fact you are reading this you are totally a noob. Sorry its hard at first but once you get it it works out in the end.

(BTW this is totally a joke article, if you had not noticed)

Login to vote this up!


Gajknight   1
Luna Sy   1



Please login (or) make a quick account (free)
to view and post comments.

 Login with Twitter

 Login with Dtoid

Three day old threads are only visible to verified humans - this helps our small community management team stay on top of spam

Sorry for the extra step!


About Retrofractionone of us since 5:01 PM on 08.24.2009

I play really old video games and enjoy them.

My parents bought an NES and MM6 and Metroid and that is how I got into gaming.

You could say I am a Nintendo fan boy, but I am starting to get off of that train as of recent.

Anyway hope you enjoy my blogs and feel free to leave a comment.

Read more at https://www.destructoid.com/blogs/Retrofraction#4qsKE0ZCdVS243Wk.99