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LONG BLOG

Well... wax my humongous Bat Balls !!!

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When you start down the path of becoming a pc gamer, it dawns on you real fast that, much like that photo of a Thai lapdancer that you downloaded, there's a little more to it than you first imagined. Certainly if you've jumped ship from the console arena things can seem to get alarmingly complex, especially if your only previous interaction with a keyboard harks back to keeping an eagle eye out in Curry's as you sent an Amstrad cpc into a tourettes meltdown with the timeless classic that is

   10 PRINT " jizzblaster ";

   20 GOTO 10

    RUN

 

You see, there's a curve and a sobering amount of acceptance that must be learned which was never really a factor in your pre pc days. An xbox or a playstation will pretty much always deliver the expected result, in any given generation there's always only whatever is unique to either machine to be taken into consideration for game developers, your ps4 console will run Batman the same as your friends ps4, it's a comforting balance i think , most console gamers aren't particular about the technical particulars and happily tootle along , playing because its fun and stress free and almost filling that gap in their lives that the recently deceased family pet has left. Console gamers smile alot easier and alot more often, am i jealous ? Sometimes...

Shift to a pc gamers perspective and it becomes alot more uncomfortable rather quickly. Now i tend to try and act the realist, so i'm going to guess that there are slightly more than say 4 variants of gaming pc set up ? Fuck from above, there's got to be literally thousands, from the shitty rip off pc world offerings to the truly mouthwatering home enthusiast builds that run into costing thousands, we are a complete ununiform mess and in my opinion, all the more fantastic for it. Very rarely do you get two alike stories, your pc is the unruly adopted kid whom your trying to teach that gnawing on the sofa is in contravention of social ettiquette. Our uniqueness though does come with it's own dog shit flavoured down side..put a game on a console and you know it's going to work, try having that level of optimism when you put a new game on your pc, you may well find a level of dourness that would have blighted the spirits of The Commitments. Rule of thumb, 50% of the time this fan you bought already came with pre-applied shit, so dig out your creative big boy pants and Mungo's journal of common sense for the over fives. In short, everyone whose been a pc gamer for any period of time knows what your going to have to do...some good old fashioned google based research,

and that bunch of long-winded arsery finally brings me to the actual point of this whorespawn smeg of a blog... Batman : Arkham Knight PC version ....

Mother of Satan there's been some tireless bitching about this one has there not ? A hell of a lot of it from, as far as i can tell, established PC gamers. Seriously , go on the forums and have a read, ten thousand weeping manchilds all shitting a mushroom because, horror from above...the game wont run at all or runs like arse on whatever wonder machine they own. You'd think that this was the first time this kind of thing had ever happened and that not one solitary person had any idea what to do next. Yes, there was a huge amount of expectancy wagered toward this title, but so what, thats hardly a newie is it ? Every majorly hyped title seems to come with some inherent technical foible or other, so why this huge uprising over Batman ? ( add your own homoerotic image to that line Dr Freud ).

 

 

 

Nothing but discussion after discussion , a million angry voices all crying out in the night ( it's a bit like when i have a hand shandy in the middle of the night and i assign a group voice to my semen as each terrified tadpole screams.. " NOOOOooooooo !!! " as en masse they approach the underside of the duvet ), seasoned veterans of many a pc lauch game campaign all screaming for the head of whoever's responsible, threatening more bans and embargos than a russian gas pipeline owner. You know what there's an absolute lack of  ?  Help..answers..suggestions..you know, little handy guides from some folk with experience as regards to how to get shit fixed. If you elect to stay a pc gamer, you have a very good idea what your in for, and only a thorough dumbass responds the way far too many on here seem to have done, dessicating from the inside , out, due to crying so much. As i quoted in a forum on this topic recently.. " nut up or shut up "........

 

and now, for mild relief, here's a photo of my eldest son trying to get minecraft to exceed 7 fps....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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About gadgerooone of us since 6:52 PM on 05.23.2013

seriously..i've been doin this shit since before atari used new mexico as a graveyard for silicon. Yup i'm one of those grumpy old fucks who can't understand the appeal of call of duty or battlefield games, can't understand how resident evil 6 even managed to get released and thinks that after super mario galaxy, nintendo should have really just called it a day with the whole fat plumber saga.