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LONG BLOG

HYPE: Not another last minute E3 predictions list!

   0

First: The Bat-shit crazy.

With the upcoming NX, probably a new handheld from Nintendo, the company decides to make a pretty ballsy cross over with their Amiibo figure series: Nintendo 3DS, 3DS XL, 2DS and New 3DS Amiibo figures, so that you can plug them into your new NX/Wii U for added DLC features. Longer battery life, better functionality overall and they are considering more added features to be decided down the road. Nintendo also hopes that the Amiibo craze will die out soon so that more people can actually get them. Economics 101 recommends increasing the asking price for the plastic desirables but Nintendo will instead lower the price of Amiibo from 12 USD to 9 USD, with the intended hope of the cheaper rates meaning people can afford to buy more of them. 

I don't know why I chose to start with Nintendo I really don't know much about them these days. Maybe they will finally announce the long awaited Virtual Boy 2? Or perhaps a brand new Game and Watch collection that includes sandbox elements, much like No More Heroes 2 side mini-games. Moving on from Nintendo, Microsoft will start off their press conference talking about how much better the XB1 is doing with price cuts and most of all sans Kinnect. Hindsight is 20/20 guys. So naturally the next best thing will be to announce a Kinnect 2: No More Failure to Kinnect! This one happens to be even more invasive than before, you can still control all your games without a control, THE PROPER WAY TO PLAY GAMES GUISE, but you have to intravenously "hook up" while playing, it's okay though it is for the express purpose of better motion control calibration and nothing else. 

With the rising success of the Master Chief Collection, Microsoft is proud to bring you, the Master Chief Collection 2. It contains every remastered Halo game from the first collection but with an added layer of "remaster" for that real feel of improvement. Basically they didn't try as hard the first time around but this time it's for real. This is the definitive Halo experience. Until of course 4K tvs become standard and we will have to announce the Master Chief Collection 3 4K with even more of that remaster sauce. Available in stores this Holiday Season. The Halo theme plays at the opening of the Master Chief Collection 2 trailer and all the Halo fanboys simultaneously rise and cream their pants, I begin to have less doubts about who the "master" here is. Microsoft wants to say that XBL will also be increasing in price but it's only because it's better on XB1. With that here is a trailer for Mirror's Edge 2 coming EXCLUSIVELY to XB1 - later to be revealed a timed exclusive much like Tomb Raider they really are grasping for as many demographics as possible.

My favorite announcement of the Microsoft conference is that Sunset Overdrive will no longer be an XB1 exclusive. There was an accounting error and now it will be coming to other platforms for instance the PS4 and Vita and PC (and maybe Wii U but probably not). Microsoft has agreed to loosen their grip of Insomniac's balls to let other platform gamers experience the game. But it's okay because it will still be better on XB1 Insomniac promised that the game will be made worser for other consoles just so the Xbox One has the superior version in the long run. Aside from that all the Fifa games are coming exclusively to XB1 as well as Just Dance 2016's timed DLC expansion for all the music from the Spinal Tap movie. Speaking of which the new Rock Band will not be coming to XB1, "Cock Band" says Microsoft instead the XB1 owners can enjoy the wonderful experience that is the new upcoming Guitar Hero game.

Sony stars off their Press Conference by saying that the Playstation platforms will not be getting the new Guitar Hero but rather enjoy the superior experience of Rock Band when the new one comes out. I almost feel like they planned this now. The press conference starts with a time line of all the Playstation consoles that have come and gone one by one. Smoke begins to fill the stage and a blinding laser show ensues to the tune of the final countdown. The Sony representative, who's voice is heard in the distance echoing says that games will never be played the same way. Forget how you have played them. On behalf of Sony I would like to make an ground breaking announcement for us and the entire gaming industry.

Suddenly, Like Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania, the Sony Exec/Representative is seen lowered on a zipline. He is dressed in all white with shiny jingly bells all on his costume. What parts of his skin are revealed are oiled up and he has a giant headset on. The crowd is wowed. Some sony fanboys faint at the spectacle and are rushed off to the ER. The man lands to the main stage. We can see that he has what appears to be the long teased Project Morpheus on his head. "Ladies and Gentleman" he says standing erect. "I present you..." He is now walking over to a podium on stage, tosses the headset and pulls out a PS4 controller. "..with this." He holds up the controller. The blue light bar is shining bright. And then he presses a button and it goes off. The crowd goes absolutely nuts. It's finally here. You can toggle off the PS4 controller light. This is the best E3 ever. "Thank you and have a great E3." The conference is over. I think everyone in the room right now is just as excited as I am it was such a much needed feature and we have it now. You can certainly cut the tension from excitement in here with a knife. God bless Sony.

Oh and then Ubisoft, EA, Squeenix and Bethesda did some wild things. I think Lil Wayne was at EA's again. It must've been pretty uh -yawns- spectacular... 

And now: Some grounded predictions.

I think I have been excessively silly thus far. And so I have decided to simply list things I think will be announced using the following format: Bolded for announcements I hope for. Italicized  for very likely. And basic formatting for not very likely.

SONY

Vita is legacy but will still have at least (crazy high number) of games coming this year.
Project Morpheus Release Date & Price.
Price Cut for the PS4.
Driveclub PS+ Edition free.

Valkyria Chronicles Collection for PS4 (includes 1, 2 and 3 translated) Remastered HD Yatta Yatta.
The New Ys Game for PS4 Release Date.

New Harvest Moon so that Nanners can stop bitching about it on Dtoid articles (worded exactly like that).
Story of Seasons or Fantasy Life for Vita.
More InFamous.
A New Sony Handheld.
New Killzone.

MICROSOFT

Permanent XB1 Price cut.
Some kind of Promise for more/better games/more support for the Games for Gold program.
Fable Legends will be seen.
Timed Black Ops 3 DLC.
Stealing some exclusive(s) from Playstation.
Crackdown 3 Release Date or some kind of DLC
Killer Instinct or Dead Rising 3 goes Games for Gold.
I don't have a pony in this race so I don't know what to put for "hopes" lol.
Xbox exclusive Gundam Game.
Xbox VR product.

NINTENDO

Smash Bros stuff. 
Amiibo support for better consumer experience.
New Metroid.
New Star Fox trailer.
New Star Fox Release Date.
New Metroid Release Date.
New Harvest Moon Wii U.
Online Service to redeem codes/manage account much like PSN.
Nintendo bought Banjo Kazooie and will actually do things with the IP.
Travis Touchdown for Smash Bros.
No More Heroes 3 :)
NX.
New Nintedo 2DS.

That's all I have. I hope everyone has a happy E3 and their wishes come true! If you want to chat with the Dtoid community during the show you can do so here. Thanks for reading leave anything you want in the comments this was just a fun blog for me to right please don't be mad if anything I said upset you it was all done tongue in cheek if there was anything to be mad about it's how I just intentionally misspelled "write" so that I could distract you for a short while before ending the blog.

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About nanashione of us since 4:57 AM on 06.29.2012

Hello, I play video games and watch adult swim. Pretty much it, enjoy all the hard work that goes into puns on this blog... when I do decide to blog that is.

I also run a community Podcast found
here and a gaming channel

Ex-Cblog Reccaper, FNF organizer, Forum Dweller, avatar adoptee/adopter for IRL Dtoid shit, podcast guest on: CBlog Fapcast, Error Machine, Communitoid/Radio Destructoid (hosted two live episodes remotely!) and a couple of other things too maybe I think okay

Skatetoid







My Cblog Series
The Problem With...
Episode List


Episode Six : Killzone: Shadowfall & Advanced Wars: Days of Ruin

Episode Five : Dead Nation: Apocalypse Edition
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Episode Four : Mercenary Kings
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Episode Three : Stick it to the Man!
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Episode Two : Thief (2014)
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Episode One : Project X Zone


Roberto's depiction of me, thanks bud<3

"FUCK YEAH! That's me on the top right corner BITCHEEEEES!!!!

Thanks for adopting my avatar Nanners! I maybe not have gone, but Fourth Armor X got to see everything in my stead.

Have my fap and stamp you glorious bastard!" - HLBC APPROVED <3