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LONG BLOG

E3: Most Wanted

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Yup, I'm ripping off El Dango.

No sense wasting time, let's get to it.  You know what E3 is.  If you don't, go ask your mother.  I heard she's doing an AMA right now.

Quantum Break revealed as a practical joke and Alan Wake 2 is ready for Holiday 2015

This one is still hotly anticipated by me.  I'm pretty sure I don't have to explain Alan Wake here.  It has a unique approach to both storytelling and third-person shooting in a horror game and characters I still love.  Also, it flogged a sequel pitch so hard at the end of the DLC episodes.  Hell, Remedy even wants to make this game.  But apparently publishers just weren't intersted.  I still remember the day they announced Quantum Break.  Microsoft was repping Remedy hard as being awesome storytellers with a rich history of beloved games.  Then they show some kinda ambiguous teaser for "Quantum Break", a fantabulous TV-fusion project.  Hooray....a game with a TV show that splits the story between them.  Yeah....anyway.  At least we got an Alan Wake Humble Bundle out of that.

Whatevs, just say it was a prank.  I'll forgive you, Microsoft.  Imagine how cool they'll all look when you realize that Alan Wake is inside of a cable drama he's writing.  That's the kind of twist Quantum Break needs anyway.

Frog Fractions 2

Have you played Frog Fractions yet?  If not, go for it: http://jayisgames.com/games/frog-fractions/

Frog Fractions 2 completed its Kickstarter, so we know it's happening.  But where and when?

I'm not hoping this is announced at E3.  I'm hoping it comes disguised as something else.  Something high-profile, with a multi-million-dollar CG trailer that means absolutely nothing.  Modern military dudes with guns, a Japanese fantasy-land, cyber-punk action, whatever it is, make it look expensive and massive.  Then, $60 later, Frog Fractions 2.  Hell, let me play a little into the game, even.  Just make it as evil as possible.  I want to embark on a daunting quest with the most advanced technology ever seen in gaming and then transition to being a frog for some reason that makes total sense in the story.  Then I'm on a lily pad, shooting fractions.  It will slowly dawn on me that a logo is making it's way down the screen.  A slowly-moving title card for Frog Fractions 2 by Twinbeard.

A Series Ends.  No "One last ride" or "Who knows" crap, it's just over.  They announce its complete and total death

I don't even care what it is.  It could be Mario, Halo, anything.  There's plenty of properties that are basically dead anyway.  But apparently anything can live-on as a free-to-play mobile game these days.  It's basically what publishers do with properties they just about hate.  How about, instead, they show some dignity and just admit that a series like Breath of Fire or Dungeon Keeper is dead in their eyes.  You can have fans recount their stories before buring scraps of paper with the name written on it.  Make it grim if you have to.  Or, if the publisher feels true glee, dancing on a cardboard grave.  Just let EA dance a merry jig on a model Sim-City.  Let's move on.  Capcom can kick a Mega-Man pinata in the nuts if they want.  If a series is just on life-support, pull the plug and mark the time of death.

 A totally new company announces a console

Hell, why not?  I'd like to see Kickstart acknowledge that they're basically becoming a sort-of publisher.  This sounds like the kind of risky, hip venture you'd get from Facebook or Google.  Amazon already has a TV-tuner Android console-ish thingy.  Bah!  That was a toothless half-measure.  Tech companies are all about buying up things and jumping into new markets.  It could happen.  Apple was rumored to be looking into it some years ago.

Nintendo gets Mega-Man exclusivity, so that it can fund Mega-Man games

I honestly don't care what happens to Mega-Man anymore, but if I were to make a suggestion, Nintendo should get Mega-Man.  It would energize fans and kinda kick ass.  Think about it, Nintendo makes sense for Mega-Man.  I'm not a huge fan-boy for either Nintendo or Mega-Man, so I could be wrong about this, but I think their respective fans have a ton of overlap.  They both play to old-school nostalgia and Mega-Man always used to be Nintendo exclusive anyway.  It make a lot of sense.  Nintendo, as a publisher, would appreciate Mega-Man.

Halo or Call of Duty announces a cross-promotional partnership with Honest Tea and Annie's Cheddar Bunnies

Nothing is more extreme than eating healthier, responsibly-made "gamez fuel".  If anything kills The Covenant faster than drinks that don't taste like ass, then I don't know what does.  Of course, my knowledge of firearms is pretty limited.  Shouldn't Geoff Keighly sit in front of more wholesome foods?  I want to see a "gamer foodz" ad with soft banjos in the background.  Maybe Honest Tea's Seth Goldman talks about his product in an open field, before handing iced tea to two gamers playing Halo on easy chairs, in an open field.  Maybe they hooked up a generator.

EA announces only female sports for an entire year, just to see how it goes

People who play sports games will hate the break in familiar continuity.  After all, they're playing the actual season, with the actual players, in advance.  But how about new teams?  Even they know they can take a year off with these things.  If they're not interested, fine.  If they are, they can learn some new teams.  Even if they reuse the same engine, it's still a significant addition of content.  We're talking different stats across the league, across multiple sports.

 

 

So, there you have it.  I'm sure you've noticed a theme here.  Something about watching the world burn.  Well, the theme is really surprise.  I want to be surprised.  I don't want to feel like the internet predicted E3.  So, what do you think?  Am I crazy?  Or crazy like a fox?

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About siddartha85one of us since 1:07 PM on 07.18.2011