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LONG BLOG

Cblogs of 04/22/15 + Salesman Pitch

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Good afternoon! I'm Riobux! You may know me from silly comments I smirk at on news postings, pretentious articles where I do things like analyse review scores (which that time led to my boss messaging me asking why I was opening up over 100 review pages on his website) and I do articles over at Gamers Honest Truth (not-a-plug not-a-plug not-a-plug not-a-plug).

However, introductions aren't why we're here, is it? StriderHoang is gone for the week and in his place, like a hurried salesman with 30 seconds before the cops come, I wish to propose an idea to you. However, first a story.

 

Better wet up, this may get a little dry

In 1896, way back when Zanzibar was ruled by sultans (think royalty), there was an agreement that after a sultan dies they must get permission from the UK for a particular sultan to rise to power. However, after the death of Sultan Hamad, Khalid bin Bargash declared himself sultan without the UK's permission. This left the British Empire a bit peeved and they sent an ultimatum that Bargash was to stand-down by 9am on the 27th of August. The ultimatum passed and thus the Anglo-Zanzibar War was declared.

Any guesses how long it last? A year maybe?

The most commonly attributed time it took is 38 minutes for the palace to get stormed, the flag shot down and a ceasefire to be declared.

Which brings me to my modest proposal. There have been rumblings about how campaigns are getting a lot shorter than they really should be. I wish not to enter that type of discussion, as its mumbled complexity is just ill-fitted for this type of venue. However if Treyarch, the developers of the pre-modern day Call Of Duty games (even Black Ops 2 which, while partially futuristic, was also based in the 80s), are going to respond to this accusation correctly then they should embrace the idea.

I present: Call Of Duty: Zanizbar.

You play in real time as an English (or Scottish, would lead to some delightful commentary about the sinking of HHS Glasgow) soldier from beginning to end of the Anglo-Zanzibar war. A whole thrilling 38 minute campaign filled with gripping events as explosions go off around your ears. Perhaps as well, if Treyarch wills it, maybe an exploding Big Ben or maybe a consolation in the sky that night in the shape of a building can lead to an old man (i.e. your character) to describe it to future Sydney Opera House architect Jorn Utzon as an epilogue.

This war also presents the perfect pre-order bonus as well. You get to play a 10 to 15 minute mission as the only UK soldier to be wounded. Needless to say, with a pre-order bonus like that there will be controversy, but people will begrudgingly get it anyway as it is assured to be an amazing bonus that will disappoint none.

If you are as sold as I am on such an idea, then feel free to spread this news far and wide. Let it be known this is the game people REALLY want. Especially with the uniforms at the time.

 

God damn they're dashing...

...Anyway! On with the recap!

 

*- OrochiLeona has written a beautiful love-letter to everyone's favourite fighting games' characters. Yes, every single one of them.

 

P- PStoids wants questions, and you're gonna give 'em, sheeee?

S- “Ooh, What's Over There?!” Episode 3 has crashed through your window despite living on the 20th floor in a block of flats, with a look into the environment and exploration of Dishonoured.

A- Questions have been raised by KingSigy about what is even the point of current-gen if games are still going to be released on last-gen, with a particular nudge towards PS4. Makes me want to whisper, with devilish grin, “Bloodbooorrrnnneee”.

A- The bell was struck and the bony finger of Band Of Bloggers tempted Gamemaniac3434 into revisiting the world of Dark Souls for his thoughts on the subject.

 

 

A morale victory.

 

I – Who the fuck is Vikki Blake? Brand new writer to the Destructoid UK team, and here to tell you the top ten facts about herself.

C- Sonic429 loves Destructoid in a way that may be illegal to love someone in at least 20 countries. Here is his reflection on the depth of his love.

 

V- Chris Carter is toying with the idea of supplementing his work load with more work in the form of a five-minute-per-game video series. I'm starting to suspect Iron Man by Black Sabbath is based on a futuristic form of Chris who is driven insane by his own work-load; seriously, he pumps out articles and reviews constantly.

T- There was a forgotten day in 2014 that slid between the cracks of time and attention and JPF720 invites you to learn of Ranko Tsukigime's Longest Day.

T- taterchimp describes how Dark Souls 2 compares to Dark Souls for him, which boils down to spicy chicken wings and New Coke comparisons. I just figure it's like curry (with all the different wondrous types) vs Peri Peri (which just tastes of burning to me).

R- The Order: 1886 gets taken out to a golf driving range and thwacked into by an apathatic tenaciousdave.

 

 

I love a bit of culture.

 

C- whatsacow gives satire a punt, and goes on the nose so hard I got a nose bleed. Ouch. C'mon, subtly.

V- They don't have flea-markets in my neck of the woods, but damn TheDustinThomas picked up some really sweet deals at one. $1 for GTA: Vice? Nice!

 

 

- Riobux

FPotD.

 

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