I don’t shop at GameStop anymore. With the convenience of digital distribution on both the PS4 and XboxOne, I’m all about downloading games right to my console, without ever having to step foot into a brick and mortar store ever again. It's never been a better time to be a lazy gamer.
This hasn’t stopped me from getting pinged daily by GameStop’s marketing department through e-mails. Sure, I can unsubscribe, but I find them so deliciously horrible, that I actually look forward to reading them. They are not unlike a car wreck in that you try to avoid them, but just can’t help rubbernecking when you pass one.
Case and point, last week I received an e-mail from GameStop with the subject line “Celebrate Valentine’s Day with Bonus Points. Here’s a screen shot:
Love is in the air indeed. GameStop’s idea of romance is apparently giving triple and double points to Pro and Basic members respectively. To get these points, you just need to use the GameStop PowerUp Rewards credit. I’m getting moist just thinking about that. Nothing says romance like drowning in crippling credit card debt.
Maybe this is a good time to point out that the GameStop PowerUp Rewards credit card is a HORRIBLE product.
With all the credit cards out there that offer perks like cash back, miles, and points, why would anyone think that a GameStop credit is a good idea? Here are what GameStop refers to as the benefits to their credit card.
• 15,000 bonus points for PowerUp Rewards Pro Members and 5,000 bonus points for Basic Members (These are crap.)
• Use your card to shop in store or online (All credit cards allow you to do this. This is not a benefit.)
• Choose to pay in full or make monthly payments over time (Again, any credit card allows you to do this, and by the way, you’ll want to pay this baby off in full every month.)
• Exclusive cardholder offers (Currently on the card website, there are no special offers, but they’re coming soon!)
• No annual fee**
Notice the asterisks by no annual fee? Remember when I said that you’ll want to pay off the balance in full every month? Because there’s some legal jargon that GameStop hopes you don’t read. Take a look below:
Minimum monthly payments are required and at no time will the minimum payment due, be less than $25.00. Standard variable APR of 26.99%, based on the Prime Rate. Minimum Interest Charge is $2.00
So let’s get this straight, there’s no annual fee, but if I’m carrying a balance, the minimum payment is $25. Okay, I’ll give you that.
Next point of contention is the APR or interest that they’ll charge, which is a whopping 26.99%. That’s a lot folks. That’s actually ridiculously high. That’s getting ravaged out in the Appalachian by a redneck high.
Most credit cards give an introductory rate of 0% APR ranging from 6 to 12 months. When the introductory APR period ends, the rate then usually goes to 10.99% to 22.99%, depending on your credit history. Not so when it comes to GameStop’s card. Everyone is automatically at 26.99%, regardless of credit history.
Last point, is the minimum interest charge. Regardless of your balance, GameStop is going to charge you $2.00. So, let’s just say that you have a low balance, carried over from the previous month and the interest charged is $1.00, GameStop rounds that shit up to $2.00.
There really are no redeemable factors to the GameStop credit card. Everything about it is built to screw you over. This is the case with many credit cards, but when someone fucks me, I like to get kissed. Other cards have perks that can be used to your advantage if you're smart. Not so for GameStop. GameStop doesn’t believe in foreplay. They are going to lube you up and make you squeal like a piggy.
No blog post of mine is ever complete without a silly list. So I decided to compile a quick top 5 places I’d rather spend Valentine’s than at a GameStop using their shitty credit card.
5. Going Shopping with a 2-year-old
I’m a man, and being a man means that I pride myself in getting in and out of the store as quickly as possible. Armed with a list and a plan, no trip to the store should take longer than 30 minutes. HOWEVER, throw a child into the mix and that all goes out the window. Without fail, there will be temper tantrums, arguments, unplanned purchases (OHHH CEREAL!), and diversions. Still, I’d take this over going to GameStop.
4. Prostate Exams
Full disclosure, I’ve never had my prostate checked. I’ve got many years to go before I have to look forward to getting my balloon knot annually digiblasted by the friendly urologist.
3. Department of Motor Vehicles
Oh the bureaucracy. It’s wonderful. Wait in line, then sit. Wait in another line, then sit. Oops, you got on the wrong line, you’ll need to go to another line. Oh, you’re on the right line, but you filled out the wrong form.
2. Jury Duty
I’ve managed to get out of jury duty every year since I turned 18. That’s a long time. My luck will run out one day and then I’ll have to perform my civic duty. My dream is to be a jury on the court case of a century, like OJ Simpson or the Boston Strangler, some shit like that. With my luck, it will be some guy suing a pharmaceutical company because their boner pills gave him an erection for seven days. Exhibit A, flaccid penis. Exhibit B, erect penis. Exhibit C, post operation penis.
1. College/University Registrar Office
Does anyone who works at a school registrar have any empathy? Do they take joy in making me jump through hoops and making me miserable? Is anything ever good enough to placate them? Yes, I understand that add/drop has ended, but I gave you the form for the class that I want to add, I have a letter from the professor saying that it’s okay. I gave you a letter from the dean saying that is okay. I cut off my pinky finger and presented it to you in an elaborate ceremony in accordance to yakuza tradition.
But I forgot to sign the ADD/DROP forms with the blood of an Incan virgin. FUCK!
As always, I’d love to hear from the community on what your thoughts are. What are some horrible places you would rather be on Valentine’s Day than in a GameStop using their piece of shit credit card?