Today, I was informed that I have super powers. I did not know this but, if true, I'm eager to find out what they are. According to this very inclusive eSports group for women, being bisexual, lesbian or transgender make you exceptional at League of Legends.
So exceptional that there can only be one of us LGBT types per team or the whole team gets banned for a year. I'm not bisexual, but I am those other two things, so I must be really OP - like that time they gave Batman a Green Lantern ring.
I just have to wonder, though - is that all? Are there more powers at my command beyond excelling at League of Legends? How do I access them? Must I play League of Legends to make these incredible powers emerge and mature? I've never played LoL before, but if that's the case I'll start buying my characters right now!
Will I become one with the Speed Force? Do I have heat vision? Spider-senses? Was I exposed to gamma radiation so can I turn big, sexy and green like She-Hulk? Oooh, can I have Green Lantern powers like Jade? She's also green. I wouldn't mind being green if I had amazing powers. I'd sleep with Gamora.
Will I grow wings? Please tell me I'll grow wings! I'd love to become a real fairy - lIke that level 80 one in Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne! That pixie had the ultimate healing, lightning and almighty spells, allowing her to lay waste to a lot of things and restore the health of her allies. She even resurrected the dead!
Healing seems ot be a common power among fairies and one I wouldn't mind having - at least so long as I didn't become small enough to be bottled and saved for later to help some jerk in his hour of need. I hope I'm a Great Fairy, though, and that I get my own fountain and perhaps give adventures powers of their own if they've earned it.
That or a weird mask.
Health restoration I'd have to charge for and I'd make a business of it. I wouldn't complain if it was just Tinkerbell's powers, though, because she can help make people fly for limited periods of time. I could charge for that, too!
I'll have to come up with a superheroine name, for criminals are a superstitious and cowerdly lot. I'd also need to design a costume. I guess I could go with a lavender one-piece bathing suit, teal knee-high boots and matching fingerless gloves. Hopefully I won't need a cape if I grow wings. I'd need other outifts, too, since I have to think about merchandising, comic books. movie deals and competing with Wonder Woman. She has a lot of different outfits. Different outfits mean more action figure and doll sales.
I knew being bitten by a radioactive lesbian was going to pay off one day!