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LONG BLOG

Cannibal Steven's TOP 11 Cannibal Fetishes [NSFW]

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Oh? Hey DTOID, I didn't notice you there!

What's that? You want to hear about my top 11 Cannibal Fetishes? You dirty webzone you.

First off, you gotta read this blog while you listen to this song. I don't care if you're at work and can't listen to music. If your boss comes up and asks you what you're doing tell him "Fuck off, I'm trying to read Cannibal Steven's blog about cocks or something."

He'll listen. I know. I've dealt with these kinds of people:

Secondly, my fetishes, they're not cannibal related. Vore's never done much for me. To clarify, I enjoy gorey fiction, but real life violence sort of makes me nauseated. So I can't really be aroused by it. And I do considering eating someone to be a violent act. This applies to bondage as well, but you know, different strokes for different folks.

This list was really hard for me to put together, but unlike Ooktar, I actually really dig favorite lists, so I wasn't agonizing.

You also might notice some simlilarities between these. Maybe you can put together Cannibal Steven's dream girl?

Anyways, let it begin!

11. Thigh-highs

Mmmm... You know what's good? Socks. Socks are great. They make you feel warm. Make yo feet all toasty. So fuck. What's better than socks? Socks that cover your whole leg. Way better than stockings! The only way to descibe this is to say it turns legs into something else. Something sleek, but still warm.

10. Girl-girl

Yep, I'm a cliche guy. Guys are hairy and gruff, awesome in their own way, but girls? Girls are like angelic beings. So when they come together it's like a symphony played by the very heavens themselves. But yeah, this is really hot. It's by definition not something done for 'makin' a baby!'. It's all about the pleasure (and social relations!). So I get off on it in a weird hedonisitic way.  

9. Creampies

Yeah, this might be one that people say is gross, but it's procreation, so I'm 100% justified. I actually think that's why it's so enjoyable. Primal Rage as they say, eh?

8. Half-Asians

Asians are attractive, but half-asians. Oh my god. It's like that fabled peanut butter chocolate myth. Two great things coming together without diluting each other. Gosh, that was so good, I should by writing for Askmen or Spike...

Anyway, I've found half-asian girls cute since 8th grade, since there were a couple of japanese girls I knew. One of them talked in japanese behind my back. Aaaaaaagh! Made me so horny then and now.

7. Redheads

I could describe this, but it wouldn't do it justice. Occams Electric Toothbrush's comment pretty much summed it up perfectly. Hopefully he won't mind it being here:

"And red heads. I don't know what it is about red heads but they are mystical and mysterious, like a unicorn or a black Republican."

Also, there are a lot of girls artificially dying their hair to be really rich in color. I have some friends that mind this, but I really don't. It's super pretty!

6. Furries 

This used to be something I was ashamed of, but not so much anymore. It's a visual representation of one type of cognoscentic sexual tastes. Sort of like the crazy proportions and oufits of girls in anime or american comics. It's something that could never exist in reality, and if it did, wouldn't be anything like it is on paper. And that's pretty cool, although some studies show excessive porn habits lead to unrealistic expectations with actual women. So... Check yourself before you wreck yourself?

5. Femboys

Yeah. I guess this one makes me a bit gay, but what the heck. Guys that look and act just like girls are seriously hot. Like, you probably wouldn't have been able to tell that was a guy above without the big 'femboy' header. That's a turn on for me. I've never acted on this, because well I've never been in the position to flirt with a femboy. Perhaps it's more a fantasy than anything, but still...

4. Pale Skin

 Ivory! Well, white is the color of purity. Isn't that what they say? ...Or death if you're japanese.

Girls with pale white skin are super duper attractive. They quite literally stand out in a crowd, making them even more alluring. This is one of the first fetishes I ever noticed about myself. I had a pale friend when I was 12, and guys (also girls!), I was head over heels. Of course I was 12 though, so I didn't get out of my basement for long enough for it to matter. Que sera sera.

3. Anal/Double Penetration

I'm not sure what people think about this one. There's a lot of guys and girls at my university that think this is gross. There are also guys that say stuff like *Rocky Balboa Voice* "Anal, yeah man. I fucked a chick last week like that! Yeah, uh, in the butt." /rockybalboaism Even though this is something I'm into, I try to stay away from those guys. I'm sure you can guess why. 

Like I said. I'm not into violence or intense pain during sex. So if the girl isn't enjoying this kind of thing, I probably won't be either. Really exotic and hot. Kinda like number 10.

2. Heavy Make-up/Emo/Punk

Fun fact. The above girl is actually Cindy Lou Who from 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas'. 

Yeah, sex is kind of messed up like that. I'm not that old though. So it doesn't really matter for me as much. You 30+ year old DTOIDers. You're scum. 

Joking (AM I SCUM?!) aside, punk girls are the hottest of real life fetishes. I fancy myself at least a little punk, though I probably dress like a granola, so it's something I can really connect with. Just saying fuck the system and rebelling, all your normal problems going away? That's a fantasy I seriously dig. Punk is basically super-catharsis, and makes my penis feel strange and happy.

Plus, I think real-life punks tend to be white kids with social problems. So it's kinky in the "I know it's fake but I'll go along with it cause prolactin, oxytocin, Endorphins, epinephrine, phenylethylamine and testosterone."

 1. Demon Chicks

I already mentioned this in JawshbutterJawl's waifu post, but I seriously love Magik from Xmen[above]. She's already awesome, but then can turn into a sexy demon! Yowzah! A demon chick's the ultimate bad girl. The fantasy punk and source of all sin. Given how much of a forbidden fruit demons are, they seriously get to me, especially mixed with a bunch of the above fetishes.

There's this great little cartoon about Judas fucking a devil lamb Mary Magdalene. Mary's super hot, and also hilarious in her sexuality (although, not until the point at which she becomes 18, not joking, she looks kinda freaky before she fills out) The cartoon's also great, did I mention that? (This is VERY NSFW so everyone knows. It's not porn, but there is a sex scene later on. Nothing you wouldn't see in a Ralph Bakshi movie though. Just wanted to make sure you knew before you clicked): https://vimeo.com/12836360

It doesn't help that I'm obsessed with duality either. I think this is actually a reason.

#[email protected]/outdatedbutironicallyfunnymemesth

atgoonfortwolongandstretchintoasecondlineohgodwhoamI?!

 

Honorable Mention: Jake Gyllenhaal

If Magik is my waifu, then Jake Gyllenhaal is my husbando. I've been in love with this little man since he was in David Fincher's Zodiac. And I just saw Enemy and Nightcrawler, so that pretty much sealed the deal. If I liked guys who were anything other than effeminate, I'd go Jake here.

Honorable Mention: Ninjas

Ino...Aaaaagh... Fuck...

Pre-teen Cannibal Steven wanted in Ino Yamanaka's pants so bad. He had to grow up and learn how to deal with actual women, but he still has a warm place in his heart for Ino, the Naruto crew, and ninjas in general. They're real cool and real hawt.

ALSO...

I decided that with each blog I make, I'm going to add a little extra thing for fun. It might be a gif, a song, a piece of art I made, or even a game I like (We can post stuff about video games here... right?) Today's surprise is a song from my favorite album of 2014. It's by a norwegian artist called Todd Terje. I'm an anxious guy, and songs that build and release tension as well as this one does really appeal to me:

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About Cannibal Stevenone of us since 2:53 PM on 10.03.2014

HEY YA'LL

That's my catch phrase. I called it.

I'm a university student studying film and animation.

I've often been called a narcissist, but I don't think it's true as much that I'm just quite loud.

My favorite word is "nourishment". Listen to it roll of the tongue. Nourishment.

Like sex with a Burmese python.

Things I like: