A Maryland teenager managed to not ruin everyone’s holiday after he successfully feigned interest in a terrible video game he got for Christmas.
17-year-old Charles Waxmore of Hagerstown was able to put a convincing smile on his face for the whole family to see after he unwrapped the Duck Dynasty Gamestop Exclusive Duck Deluxe Edition game. Waxmore, a high school senior with an interest in theater, tested his amatuer acting skills as he gushed excitement over a game he hadn’t heard of until that morning. The game was a gift from his attention seeking aunt Muriel, who said she knew her nephew would love it as soon as she saw it.
“I know Charlie’s a game guy so when I was at mall shopping for presents I saw it in the window of the game store and knew I had found the perfect gift,” Muriel explained. “Me and my boyfriend who couldn’t make it this year, please don’t ask why, are huge fans of the show and the game just looked like so much fun. I think Charlie agrees because he just wouldn’t stop smiling after he unwrapped it.”
Created by Fun Labs, the developers of 5,000 different Cabela hunting video games, Duck Dynasty was released for the Nintendo 3DS and four other systems most rednecks can’t afford without using layaway at the WalMart. In it, players choose from characters like Willie, Jase, Uncle Si and more as they battle hordes of enemies across the different counties of Louisiana in their mission to unite the state under one redneck family. (EDITOR’S NOTE: I apologize, this is actually the plot to Duck Dynasty Warriors.) In it, players select one of three different characters as they hunt ducks across the universe in a story narrated by Peter Dinklage. (EDITOR’S NOTE: I apologize again, this is the plot to Duck Destiny.) In it, players take the role of LaHook Bill, an arrogant and self-centered half-duck, half demon who is trying to inherit his title of Overberg after the death of his father King Khaki Campbell. (EDITOR’S NOTE: I think… Ducksgaea?) In it, players are put in the shoes of Mallard Streep as she tries to uncover wrongdoing at the Kerr-McGee plutonium plant. (EDITOR’S NOTE: Okay, that’s just Silkwood.) In it, players shoot squirrels, frogs and fish; play pranks; search for “treasure” with a metal detector and do battle with beavers. (EDITOR’S NOTE: Now he’s just making shit up.) In it, players take the role of John Boy as he tries to become a real “Robertson Man” by growing a beard and playing fake redneck for television all while hoping your fan base doesn’t find out you’re actually a yuppie. (EDITOR’S NOTE: Yeah, that sounds correct).
Though he was able to fake enthusiasm for more than 13 hours, Waxmore says there was one moment in the day where he almost cracked.
“It was about three in the afternoon and we just finished eating dinner,” Waxmore explained. “This was about the time I had hoped all the extended family would start to leave because my cheeks were starting to hurt from all the smiling; but instead after dinner my aunt said that she wanted to watch me play the game. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but all I could think was ‘there goes my fucking chance to return this.’”
Sources within the family say Waxmore used about five different excuses to get out of opening the game; but his aunt, who was tipsy from champagne by this time, wouldn’t relent. The whole family watched him play the game for more than twenty minutes before breaking out into applause when he completed the first mission. According to the sources, that was all Muriel needed to see to be satisfied.
After his family had left, Waxmore said he was unsure what he was going to do with the game. At press time, the Amazon trade-in value on Waxmore’s opened copy of Duck Dynasty was $12. We can confirm the duck caller and Duck Dynasty bandana included in the special edition package have already been thrown away.