Continuing his never-ending quest to protect the public from non-existent threats, UK prime minister and Conservative party leader, David Cameron has proposed new laws that would criminalise the act of shoving Skylanders up the arse. This comes shortly after the government imposed much tighter regulations on the UK porn industry, but Cameron believes these recent changes are not enough.
"There are some real sickos out there," announced Cameron, in a manner so stiff, you could have sworn he was a Skylanders figure himself. "This is a really depraved and decadent society we live in today. A world that sells stilettos where the heels are buttplugs, a world that makes Sapphire Blue Anal Beads that cost 120£, a world where grown men and women shove children's toys up their anuses. It's time we rounded these people up and throw them in the one place where no one can shove foreign objects into their anus: prison."
After the news, a public opinion poll showed that most were both curious and befuddled by the speech. Many responded that they had never seen or heard of any case where anyone had put a Skylander figure up their chungus. In fact, of all the people that participated, no one had even thought about it, let alone commit the act of slowly sliding a cheeky Skylander in and out of ones bum hole, until Cameron had mentioned it in his speech. Some seemed to get excited the more the spoke about it.
In unrelated news, sales of Activion's popular Skylanders series have now tripled. To celebrate, Activision has suggested creating some sort of Skylanders branded stilettos.