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LONG BLOG

Solar Pony Django's Review On: South Park: The Stick of Truth(NSFW AND SPOILERS)

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Recently I bought SPSOT for 20$ on Humble Bundle, I'd been following this game for a while as I've wanted to get into the South Park series more and have had an interest in the game since it was first at THQ and found out Obsidian was making. Obsidian's made some gems I feel that have been overlooked in the past by other games in the series. Such as New Vegas and KoToR 2 which I personally enjoyed more than the originals.

Needless to say I was pretty excited for this game, but then THQ went under unfortunately and a lot of people were wondering just what was going to happen to this game as well as all the properties that were owned by THQ. Well Ubisoft bought the rights to this game and it turned out pretty well. Even with Ubisoft and some of the bullshit they cram into games as well as some of the practices they do. I don't recently happen to have a very good relationship with them due to some of these.

But we're not here for that and I can let my personal feelings go for a game that's been well crafted (most of the time) and SPSOT is a very well crafted game in my opinion. There's a lot of references to the series thrown into the game and it's a pretty fun game to play. The story is relatively short for an RPG but the humor makes up for that and I'd say at the price it's at now which is 40$ it's well worth it. At 60$ I might say it's a bit high at 20$ it was a steal.

Now before we go on any further I wanted to make EXTREMELY clear that yes this review WILL in fact have spoilers. That's why that signs up there. Go figure. Did I mention I'm drinking while writing this? Good times. It's also most definitely NSFW. Unless your work allows penises. Then go right ahead.

 

So the game starts off basic enough until the end of the first day you're the new kid in town Cartman has recruited you to fight the elves you fight the elves but don't get the stick back. It would seem that some shenanigans is going on but we don't find out about those until later. Day 1 is a pretty good time to take ALL the sidquests and do as many of them as you can. As far as I remember there's only two you can't do on day one (that are there on day one of course) which is the hunting list and mayor's request to get all the bums out of South Park.

Now the sidequests alone are great from going to literally finding Jesus, hiding behind a pew and hiding again later. Helping Al Gore out by finding ManBearPig and many other quests such as getting rid of those shitty mongorians! Literally you end up fighting Mongolians. Now unfortunately I didn't think about taking pictures until late in the game so until later you won't get to see my character.

Now I don't want to go into ALL of the sidequests in case there are people that wanted spoilers but also wanted to explore the majority of the game themselves so I'm not going to go into depth about any of the sidequests.

Now as I said first days pretty normal however as the day goes on they all forget about what time it is and Cartman is forced to go home because it's past his bedtime and as such not much to do with all the doors locked in South Park. So you go home and wake up half way through the night to find out that you're being abducted by aliens. So they take you back to the ship and start probing you but your anus is to strong so you break the probe. No seriously. That's exactly what happens. And you meet one of the best characters in the show (you could meet him earlier but he doesn't pay you much heed)

Randy Marsh. One of the characters that really gives the show its charm and humor. But you go through the ship trying to break Randy out since he knows how to get off the ship. While doing this you find notes from one other person that had escaped their probing fate and was stuck on the ship. You go around doing things so you can break out finding out more about this guy and then the last post he has about him eating eating some green liquid and then he starts spouting out German. You can find him on the ship to find out he's turned into a Nazi Zombie. Yup. The game has Nazi Zombies due to aliens.

This includes ALL animals by the way, it turns everything into nazi zombies. Cows too!

So after you find everything Randy wants so you can both escape you go and fight some more aliens in order to escape. It just so happens to be the aliens that are the pilots and you crash land on earth. Leading to the leakage of the green goo into the sewers and other places. You wake up completely unharmed but still with probe in ass and continue onward.

So Cartman recruits you to go and recruit the Goth kids to help him get the stick of truth back since he knows he'll need more forces in order to take down the Elves and get the stick of truth back. It was at this point in the game where after you've collected all the items to recruit the goth kids that the Elves come and offer you a proposition. You find out that Kyle is the high elf king opposing Cartman and that Cartmans been tricking you this entire time. Trick or not I side with Kyle immitediately. I like his character more and Cartmans a complete and utter asshole. Funny to watch but if I was in South Park would not want him making my parents into chili as I eat them.

So while finding all the items to recruit the Goth Kids you are instructed by Randy to go to the "Taco Bell" that's being "constructed" to find out what "Taco Bell" is doing. You got to the new "Taco Bell" and fight out no Taco Bell is being constructed at all. It's just a government ruse to cover up the crash site since it crashed into the mall and the government said it was a taco bell. They even shoot somebody for asking what is deemed to many questions even though it doesn't have anything to do with aliens and nazis.

So you sneak into the government base to find out that they've hidden a nuke somewhere that'll go off eliminate South Park and the Nazi Zombies in one fell swoop. You go back to Randy and in typical Randy fashion he still thinks its Taco Bell and wants to know why they're going to kill everyone in South Park.

Back to the other part of the story you recruit the goth kids take on cartman since you did find out that the elves in fact did not have the stick and kick his ass. Felt good too won't lie. Calling me sir douchebag well I'll show him I will! ... 'ahem' Anyways... you kick Cartman's ass find out that he actually DOESN'T have the Stick of Truth which what was believed and get an incoming message.

You find out Clydes been behind the thing the entire time! So natrually you rush off to kick his ass too and get the source of PHENOMINAL COSMIC POWER back only to find out he's gotten his hands on the "Green Taco Bell Sauce" only it is actually of course the green liquid nazi goop from the aliens. And he is using it on EVERYTHING he can find to DESTROY YOU. Did I forget to mention you may have gotten Clyde permanently banned from time  and space so now he hates you and wants you dead? Yeah... I think I did... But right as your about to assault him it's bed time. Again. So you go to bed as does everyone else.

Now what happens during this bed time isn't quite as necessary to the plot but it's necessary enough, you find out that the underpants gnomes are stealing your underwear, you get a special powder after beating them up that lets you grow or shrink at will. Than you're smashed by your dad's balls. Yup. While you were fighting the underpants gnomes it was on the bed of your parents having sex. And your dad smashes you with his balls.

Once the night is done you once again wake up and find that you're okay with nothing having happened to you. But you WERE still smashed by your dads balls. So that's a thing.

During the next morning Cartman is still pissed at you for betraying him but he makes an uneasy pact with the elves to beat Clyde's ass and get the stick of truth back. However they all know that taking on Clyde's team won't be easy. So they go to recruit the nerds and kindergartners while you are assigned the task of the girls. For this part you essentially do anything they ask. Even going so far as to get an abortion to prove one of the girls is a slut. Yup. The main character whom is male gets an "abortion" (he doesn't really, obviously just looks like it) and then learns how to give others abortions and does this on Randy who was there trying to find information about Taco Bell. I should also note that this is one of the two times I truly felt uncomfortable with since I do not support abortion one bit. But this isn't here or there. I don't want to make a huge argument so let's go on shall we?

So you learn how to perform an abortion (which is needed later) and fight off Nazi Zombie Fetus's. Mark number two where I felt uncomfortable. Since I'm bringing it up it's entirely likely that this game WILL make you uncomfortable as it did myself about three times. It's part of the games charm as well... I have to admit they push uncomfortable subjects and try to make it funny, and break it down a bit. Doesn't mean you have to like it but it is there. So do be aware of that while playing the game. And then you get to the boss. Which is a giant undead nazi fetus.

And that's the end of the abortion clinic. After that you're assaulted by a child rapist while taking pictures to get into Canada because you have to go to Canada for the girls because the record you found in the clinic was in French (why? Who knows just roll with it) so you go to Canada meet the prince of Canada and the princess. Who apparently when she queefs is a sign of honor.

And yes NOW we get to my character. Meet the WIZARD Douchebag! AKA me. Kinda hard to see in this picture, but it'll be easier later. Anyways you go through Canada find Terrence and Phillip and they teach you the ultimate fart technique. Oh... yeah forgot that too. You are the Dovah Kin! Fart master extrodinare! And T&P teach you how to do the ultimate fart on enemies. In a matrix style teaching way.

So you learn the fart, find the apparently only person in Canada that speaks French gets it translated and you're back to the girls and after 5 tasks they are FINALLY on your team. It was fun but a little tedious on occasion.

Now that you've got everyone on your side it's finally time to take down Clyde, so everyone assaults him you scale the tower and fight off against his minions. Some of which switched sides unfortunately and are now with him. Anyways you keep going and eventually find out that a very special person to the kids is now a zombie. This one isn't so much spoilers since it was in the trailers but yeah. It's chef.

No new dialogue from Chef since he left the show earlier on as well as the fact that he died a few years back. I do have to wonder if he would have come back for this part eventually, after having done some more research it seems the thing with Chef was blown out of proportion a bit and someone else spoke for his voice actor. Not him. But anyways Chef breaks out of the zombie form and Clyde straight up throws a molotov at him for betraying him so we have to kill unfortunately. With a fart. You kill chef with a fart. Remember the South Park movie how you can amplify fire by farting? That's what you do.

Anyways you kill Chef. Throw Clyde out of his tower find out that Mr.Slave has a Snuke in his ass. Climb up his asshole to the snuke (the government put it in while he was sleeping) disarm it through an abortion. Literally you perform an abortion to disable the snuke, and then after that you  go upstairs since the government come in while you were taking care of the snuke. The head honcho finds out the stick of truth gives PHENOMINAL COSMIC POWER. The government also informed you during that time that you also had another power. The power to make friends which is why you mvoed to South Park in the first place. By the time you were 5 you were friends with 3 Billion people on facebok. With great power comes great responsibility and the government tried to use you for that. But then your parents hid you.

Anyways the big bad government guy gets the stick goes crazy with power and runs upstairs to use the stick for his own usage.

Princess Kenny betrays (while being narrated by Morgan Freeman)

(Kenny's really good at staying in character as well, have to admit he played his character perfectly) and the final boss fight is against Kenny.

You fight Princess Kenny the first time and as are most enemies in this game he's a complete fucking joke. No offense but if you used wizzard right you get your HP and PP back pretty much every time. Games mechanics are pretty broken but still entertaining. So you go on find out that Kenny is pretty fucking serious about wanting that Stick all for himself, takes the Nazi Zombie Poison so he can never truly die and gets Nazi Death on his side. What Kenny doesn't realize however is that PROFESSOR CHAOS OWNS DEATH. Death is his bitch and betrays Kenny.

So you kill Kenny. Multiple times since he's a zombie.

However since he is a zombie he can't truly die. That is when Randy and Cartman come up the one plan that can save you and the entire town of South Park. You must use the one forbidden art of Kenny you promised never to use on any man. You have to fart on his balls. So you fart on his balls returning him to normal, restoring South Park and saving the day. And at the end of the whole experience they decide that the Stick of Truth is to dangerous for any one person and throw it into the lake. After they ask Douchebag what he wants to do now he says his one line in the game. "Screw you guys, I'm going home." and walks home.

And that was the story of Stick of Truth it was hillarious and well written and I enjoyed it. However there is two things I still wish to talk about before wrapping this up.

#1. The Woodland Critters. As I said I had not seen much of South Park when originally having played this game so as a good little Catholic boy when asking if I wanted to praise God I said yes. I did not know that they meant Satan so that was the third moment I was talking about from earlier. It doesn't affect my score that I'll post in a second or much of anything but it bugged me. But as I said you can't judge a game based on that. It's South Park and honestly I should have seen it coming.

#2. The buddy system. Something I have somehow completely neglected to talk about. You get a handful of characters that you can use through the game each with different powers which references the show. Which in of itself is pretty funny but the majority of them sadly aren't useful. I didn't use Kyle or Cartman admittedly but that's just due to how strong Butters is. He is the best buddy of the initial characters. Heals, damage, humor and it's Butters. WHO DOESN'T LIKE CUTE LIL OL BUTTERS?

One side note I brought up earlier. The length. I really hope they add some DLC to extend the story. Because on Steam I only have 13 hours for completing the game and doing a majority of things. That truly is short for an RPG and kind of annoying. But don't let it annoy you to much, it probably works for the best since the combat is kind of repetitive and about how long a South Park game should be based upon the TV series.

Anyways that was Stick of Truth it was a really fun game, had it's flaws but overall I really enjoyed playing through it. It had great humor characters and a lot going for it, if they do make a sequel like they've talked about I could honestly see them taking the things that quite didn't come through and make it a truly amazing game. As it is it's a really great game and if you can take a joke or are a fan of the series it comes highly recommended.

As it is I give it an 8/10. Fun game has it's flaws but won't stop you from enjoying it and having a blast with the game.

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About Solar Pony Djangoone of us since 11:38 AM on 02.28.2014

Hello, I am SolarPonyDjango or depending upon the site or game am also known as lokik21 or Defect Reject. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yBYXEclDkk