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LONG BLOG

ATTENTION ALL SMASH BROTHERS: I CALL DIBS ON BOWSER JR.!

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Listen up, nerds. I know you're all clamoring to get your hands on this very popular character, but back off. He's mine. I am officially calling dibs on the Prince of Darkness himself, Bowser Jr.! Though there is absolutely no reason I should have to explain myself, I will, if only to pad out the word count of this blog.

 

CHECK OUT HIS RIDE

Look, this thing is basically the Swiss army knife of weaponized hovering clown vehicles. It has drill hands, saw blades, a freaking cannon and can deploy explosive robots! And the organizers of the Smash Bros tournament let him bring it with him! Hahahaha! He's basically cheating! That's a classic Bowser Jr. move, right there.

 

HIS DAD CAN BEAT UP YOUR DAD

Just look at that magnificent bastard. Shit, I wish he was my dad. I'd get to live in a sweet castle. We'd roll around in our airship "kidnapping" pretty ladies and blowing Mario's shit up. Coins out the ass. What a life. Bowser Jr.'s a lucky kid.

 

HE'S EIGHT CHARACTERS IN ONE

By calling dibs on Bowser Jr., I'm essentially calling dibs on EIGHT different characters. That's Bowser Jr., Iggy, Larry, Lemmy, Ludwig, Morton, Roy aaaaand Wendy. Man, the look on your face is priceless. While you guys were all fighting over Shulk and Jigglypuff, I went and pulled the oldest trick in the book!

 

HE'S A FUCKING TURTLE

Boom. This whole time you though he was a koopa, didn't you? Yeah, well, it's pretty clear you haven't been paying attention at all. I wish I didn't have to play the race card but it is what it is. He's a turtle. I'm a turtle. Turtles are amazing. Get fucked.

 

Well, that about sums it up! I feel like I should apologize for the whole "get fucked" thing. It just sounded good at the time. Anyway, see ya on the Battlefield, suckers!!

 

 

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About Phoustone of us since 2:05 AM on 02.11.2010

(Banner crafted by the amazing COM 01)

My name is Eric. I'm 34.
Here are some random things I'm into:

























































The Buy it/Avoid it Report - back issues
#001 - Ilomilo, Uncharted 2, Infinity Blade, Pac-Man CE DX, Battlefield BC2: Vietnam, PixelJunk Shooter
#002 - Batman: Brave & Bold, DJ Hero 2, Dead Space 2, Bionic Commando Rearmed, Marvel vs. Capcom 3, Bulletstorm
#003 - Pokemon Black/White, PixelJunk Shooter 2, Monster Tale, God of War III, BIT.TRIP RUNNER, Torchlight
#004 - Portal 2, Steel Diver, Sin & Punishment Star Successor, Pilotwings Resort, Crysis 2, Blocks That Matter
#005 - L.A. Noire, Alice Madness Returns, Resident Evil Mercenaries 3D, Shadows of the Damned
#006 - GoldenEye 007, Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet, AC: Brotherhood, Sword & Sworcery EP, Trenched
#007 - Deus Ex: Human Revolution, Jetpack Joyride, Gears of War 3, The Binding of Isaac, Renegade Ops
#008 - Dark Souls, League of Evil, Uncharted 3, Batman: Arkham City, Super Mario 3D Land
#009 - The Buy it/Avoid it Report's Awards - 2011
#010 - Spelunky, Max Payne 3, Trials Evolution, Mario Kart 7, Escape Goat
#011 - Super Hexagon, Tekken Tag Tournament 2, Lollipop Chainsaw, Mark of the Ninja

The Play it/Avoid it Report - back issues
#001 - Bioshock Infinite, Darksiders II, Dead Space 3, Far Cry 3, Sleeping Dogs, Tomb Raider
#002 - Dishonored, DKC: Tropical Freeze, Grand Theft Auto V, Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker HD, Rogue Legacy
#003 - The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth, Mario Kart 8, Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor, Sunset Overdrive

Secret Moon Base - episodes
Subscribe on iTunes - a podcast about video games and other stuff with my pals knutaf and Occam

Spelunky HD - blogs
Mega Guide - part one
Mega Guide - part two

The Binding of Isaac - blogs
Blood, Shit and Tears - a love letter
Instruction Manual - w/ tips and tricks for beginners
Unlocking Godhead - tips for playing as The Lost

Social Network(s) - ugh
Twitter - @corduroyturtle
Xbox LIVE:Corduroy Turtle
PSN ID:Corduroy_Turtle
Steam ID:17wizards
3DS Code:4639-8962-6190


 

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