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The Day I Got Real Fired...Part IV: Facing My Failures

I should touch back on the whole indie games thing, because itís really where I started to drift away from my duties as a contributor. †If anything makes me feel bad about my time with Destructoid, it has always been my spotty indie game coverage.

What often happened was that Iíd go to some huge indie event, be really excited for 6 or 7 games, create posts and start write-ups for each game, and then manage to finish two before I became too busy with life/money obligations to follow through. For larger games from big publishers, it was always a bit easier to keep focus Ė and Iíll be honest Ė a large part of that was because I knew that if I didnít cover the game properly, Iíd hear pretty quickly from my Destructoid higher-ups. Especially Hamza. I respect and fear Hamza to this day.

During the last PAX, I had the chance to see some truly great games in the Indie Megabooth. I even told Niero I was planning to do several write-ups about them. Then I got home, got back into the routine of my college semester, and those stories sat empty and unpublished. Every day that passed by just made me feel guiltier about my broken promises.

Granted, that was the same semester that I spent a good deal of time writing up a rather large research paper about the Farallon Islands off the coast of San Francisco - which also meant travelling to them for the fourth time and conducting/compiling an interview with the head researcher who seasonally works on the islands to get insight into the biodiversity there. So yeah - I had my work cut out for me elsewhere.

Regardless, I deeply regret my lesser coverage of so many great indie games Iíve had the chance to play. Fortunately, many of the other editors and contributors came across those same lesser known games at some point. So the credit for discovering them goes rightfully to them, and history is written.

I think Iíve carried a lot of that guilt relating to never writing about some of those games for awhile now, and thus Iíve distanced myself from Destructoidís inner circle. Iíve been doubly frustrated that Iíve put so much coverage on big name games that I may or may not necessarily care about simply because the flame felt hotter and thus pushed me to get that stuff written up in a timely manner. Another consideration has been length Ė as these blog posts may make clear, I have difficulty keeping things short and succinct. Most of my indie game write-ups (both published and unpublished) were meant to be just that, but either ended up getting cut down by an editor or else just seemed too daunting to even finish.

I know the inevitable e-mail regarding my cut was around the corner, but the e-mail that eventually did arrive didnít mention my largest crime at all. In my mind, I had already let myself go in a sense quite awhile earlier due to my flakiness in that regard. However, in the long scheme of Destructoid as a site, the cut isnít some terrible sentence that has sent me out to space. Iím still going to be around, though admittedly my future potential career choices have already been leaving the video game sphere for awhile. This isnít to say I wonít stop playing, writing, or talking about video games. I canít be shut up that easily.

I used to run into Max and Tara all of the time when they were regulars for the Dtoid Show. I think theyíre both truly great people and I donít think Maxís return to Destructoid deserves the vitriol he was getting on the forums a couple days ago. Back in the day, Iíd also see Nick Chester and Chad Concelmo at events and exchanged the odd e-mail with them from time to time Ė though pretty rarely, as I didnít really write reviews at the time or feature pieces. I was sad to see them go, although both moved on to much bigger and better things.

I finally met Jim Sterling at the last PAX and Ďclosed the loopí between myself and him Ė Years ago, by complete random and weird coincidence - he posted a quite terrible joke photo I once took of me and my sister in law and used it as a header for a story about anti-video game controversy. I was jazzed that he even managed to find the picture at all, as it was wasting away in the obscure corner of the internet known as my livejournal. In fact, that was part of what made become even more active at Destructoid, as I already felt involved in some way.

Very soon after I finally met him in person, Jim left to write for the Escapist on a more full time scale.

Iím certainly no stranger to the entrance and departure of contributors. Throughout my time writing for the site, both contributors and core team members have come and gone. Some have moved on to better things, while others have simply moved on. Some have returned to the site. At this point in time, Iím interested in pursuing other goals. The video game industry is too volatile, and journalism is a hard career to keep up.

Destructoid itself went through so many changes as a site. I canít argue whether theyíve been entirely good or bad changes as I donít really see the metrics or concern myself with the stats of the site regarding viewership, though at the time they were announced, they seemed like a great idea.

That was when I was still writing pretty regularly for Destructoid. After Huge was announced, I excitedly told my partner that the structure of the site was changing, and that I might actually see some sort of more tangible perks and benefits from my writing. †At the back of my mind though, I had other concerns marinating.

Tomorrow: Part V: My 'Pretend' Job
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About Casey Bone of us since 5:44 PM on 10.20.2010

Casey is passionate about all things video game, and has been this way since very young. His earliest memories involve trying to get E.T. out of a hole.
Xbox LIVE:RigbysFace
PSN ID:caserb
3DS Code:236356519256


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