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LONG BLOG

Zombie Orwell's Backlog: Eminem. Plus, the return of dick wolf.

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Destructoid, you've been very naughty. How dare you. You offend me.

JUST KIDDING!!! Haha. I like irreverent jokes designed for laughter. It is funny.

Here is more funny: Eminem. The humanist rapper has released a new group of 1s and 0s that, when converted to an mp3 format, contain musics. That. Is. HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!

Think about it for a minute. If he were smart, he would travel the nation knocking on doors and singing his lovely songs without the help of a computer. Instead, the unOrwellian idiot has released CDs, vinyl records, MP3s, and gramophones containing music. So, when you buy it you don't even get to talk to him and strap him to a chair in order to feed.

Fuck you, Eminem. I'm so god damned hungry.

Here's my review of the Slim Shady LP.

Putting aside the fact that I am unable to consume the flesh of the world's most famous white rapper, this album is almost like having the human in one's vicinity. You can hear his voice as he talks about Kurt Cobain, shish kabob, Lauren Hill, sore throats, wardrobes, orange robes, autographs, being absent-minded, doctors, herpes, Christmas, suicide, middle fingers, sell-out crowds, record release parties, gourds, hammers, Fords, sandwiches, picnic baskets, Excedrin, medicine cabinets, lettuce, cabbage, mummies, bitches, Detroit, the Beastie Boys, Kid Rock, the Loch Ness Monster, weed houses, lipstick, dipsticks, prank calls, rich rappers, and your mom. It is truly impressive.



But then there's the part where you can't eat him. This is a serious oversight on behalf of one of the most well-known musicians in history. You'd think someone on his production team would have pointed out this glaring omission. But no.

Admittedly, this record was made when he was much younger and less knowledgeable, so perhaps we owe him a little leniency. If this situation is rectified by future releases, I will let you know.

There's also a song where a girl eats too many mushrooms and dies. Though, in the narrative, the girl drinks Lysol. Many have tried to blame the mushrooms for her death, but the cause was clearly Lysol.

I give this record a good score out of 10 because Eminem paid me for a good review.

THAT IS THE END OF THE REVIEW YOU FILTHY PERVERT.

Now it is time for the return of Dick Wolf.



Remember The Devastation and Destruction of Destructoid? There's now a sexy pdf: http://zombieorwell.files.wordpress.com/2014/04/devdesdtoid.pdf

More sexy news: my transcriptionist, Brandon Springer, has produced the first episode of his magisterial Kilonova Complex. It's sci fi. It's short. It's a buck. It's here: http://www.amazon.com/Kilonova-Complex-Episode-Brandon-Springer-ebook/dp/B00J6N7RDU/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1396399817&sr=1-1

Tell your friends, tell your neighbors, tell Randy Gonzalez. I'm coming.
Your leader,
Zombie Orwell
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About Zombie Orwellone of us since 3:07 PM on 03.30.2012

My fellow internet zombie brethren:

It is my specious pleasure to be addressing you in the fullness of time. My name is Zombie Orwell. You will be hearing a lot from me in the coming months as we ratchet up the intensity of our Zombie Rights Revolution.

I wish all of you safe human-hunting. Please message me ([email protected]) if you have questions or free tacos.

I love you!