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How to Improve 5 Popular Franchises


Okay, I'll admit it. I don't see the appeal of a lot of popular franchises. It's a mystery to me. Trying to enjoy Madden is like being a birthday clown at an adult birthday party, I wouldn't be able to fit in and enjoy myself like everyone else (this actually describes my entire life, now that I think about it).

No, not like in that movie!

There are other popular franchises that do appeal to me, but have lost their previous shine, like Crash Bandicoot. This is a sad thing to see.

I believe I can remedy both of these problems with some minor changes to the directions of the franchises.

1. Give Madden to Arc System Works

Arc System Works is better known as the creator of BlazBlue and Guilty Gear. If you think about it, Madden shares a lot in common with those two franchises: many different, yet similar versions, ever-changing rosters of characters, and devoted fan followings.

What Madden lacks, however, is the sheer over-the-top awesomeness of BlazBlue and Guilty Gear. If given the chance, I believe Arc System Works could bring this to the table! Swords, big, colorful flashy outfits, transgender characters, enormous guns, android death machines, and best of all: totally rad guitar work:

Mmm. Oh yeah. That hits the spot.

2. Add Chaos Spartans to Halo

The Chaos Space Marines in Warhammer 40k prove that even if something is super awesome, you can easily upgrade it to "bitchin'" by mixing it with Lovecraftian horrors. That's why I think the next Halo should introduce Chaos Spartans that sacrifice all living things to their brutal blood Gods. It would be totally metal.

The only problem with this is that Master Chief wouldn't be strong enough as is to stand against the awesome power of the Chaos Spartans. We would have to mix him with a shoggoth or something I guess...

We'll work out the kinks later.

3. Add J-pop to Call of Duty

A while back I would have said that adding dogs to Call of Duty would have improved the franchise, but we know now that it won't, so I suggest that we add another cute thing to Call of Duty: J-pop!

I know it's hard to visualize this, so I made a video to help. I mixed the fast-paced multiplayer action of Call of Duty: Ghosts with the smooth sounds of The Genki Rockets. Watch:

See? Much better than M&Ms or whoever that guy is.

4. Let Swery65 Make the Next Final Fantasy

Okay, so most people agree that Final Fantasy XIII was disappointing. The characters were bland and unlikeable, and the story was cheesy and confusing.

In Deadly Premonition, however, the characters were quirky and interesting. The story was still cheesy in confusing, but in a fun way!

Dafuq is going on?!?

Actually, now that I think about it, let Swery make everything.

5. Use This Early Crash Design for the Next Crash Bandicoot:


I mean... just look at him!

Final Note:

So there you go. I've successfully fixed 5 completely different franchises in one single blog post. Man, I'm good.

Thanks for reading!
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About Benny Discoone of us since 9:53 AM on 03.24.2013

My name is Benny. I work full time in a freak show eating live chickens, and I work part time as Brendan Fraser's scrotum cleanser.

I play video games sometimes, but most of the time I'm too poor and don't have enough free time. I still like talking about them though.