Welcome to the wonderful world of Canning! This comprehensive guide offers the latest information to get YOU started in the enthusiast hobby of Canning, today!
But what is Canning, you might be asking yourself? Will this guide teach me to store delicious pickled vegetables in the basement next to the jars of severed hands floating in formaldehyde, just like Grandma used to do? The answer is both yes, and no; but mostly no. It is a common misconception that the Canning we describe in this book has anything remotely to do with the vaguely sinister act of staying up all night to store processed foods, although it is easy to see why the two terms are often accidentally confused with one another.
Canning is the act of playing Game Boy while on the toilet, typically while defecating, or while having an unusually long sit-down pee. Canning is a great way to pass the time, and is one of America's greatest pastimes! That is almost a play on words!
Like a contorted Mister Lemon wrestling a hot dog, Canning utilizes positively arcane, unearthly technology, and as such, the source from which it derives its power is equally outdated and difficult to find. Double A batteries have been written about in many historic records as a common way to power household items such as metal detectors and electric tie racks, but are much more difficult to find today. Before this very text was amended, we originally recommended using your metal detector to search for discarded, half used Double A batteries on a beach, or field. However, due to so many people needing the batteries just to power their metal detectors, there were obvious problems with this suggestion that we have since reconsidered.
Section A1 - Okay So I'm Taking a Shit And Playing Pokemon, What Now?
That's it! You are now officially a Canning enthusiast. We hope that Canning provides you many years of fun, enjoyment, and Canning in your future. So, as us self-proclaimed Canners often like to say to one another, we offer you a "Hey Canbro, Can you Can me another Can? I need to Can some Canning before the Can is all Can Can Can. Canned." and wish you GOOD LUCK on your CANNING JOURNEY.
GOD BLESS, AND GOOD LUCK.
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