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LONG BLOG

Why I'm Learn to Stop Worry And Mangasm

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When did the alternate title to Dr. Strangelove become such a popular thing to riff on, both in blogs here, and in articles on the internet abroad? Why was there a meal worm in my Game Boy Pocket, and why did it bother me enough that I wouldn't play it until I finally just opened the goddamn thing up and got rid of it? Why is Picross so addicting and why aren't more people constantly talking about it?

Today I'm doing an all purpose, general Mangasm. Like the kinds I used to do when I was a recapper, only less lucid or coherent because I've been up for like 24 hours and am starting to hallucinate flushing sounds in my head. I am writing it from start to finish, and at the end I'm going to jot down the approximate amount of time it took me just to make it absolutely clear what a brain dump it is.



Steam sales, right? Amirite folks?

Fuck all that. I bought Rogue Legacy and RPG Maker, as well as Street Fighter IV Arcade. But I'm done with that shit. My wallet is as empty and limp as my sex life right now. Plus my Steam library is close to breaking capacity, and I just don't have the time to get to everything as it is.

I'm definitely in a gaming rut...buying too many games and not playing enough. I think graveyard shifts have made me desperately lonely and this is some kind of coping mechanism.

I have also decided that if I wear a cowboy hat and tuck my shirt in, I can build a persona as a kind of ironic, "shitty cowboy". I'll wear that hat everywhere, and if anyone even looks at it wrong, I'll give them an earful, as if it were some burden I cannot stand to bear, and have difficulty speaking about. Like the One Ring but forged by douchey rednecks instead of the Dark Lord of Mordor. I am dead serious, I really do plan to go through with this. I'll make sure to post pictures when I do.

But if any of you so much as mention it, I'll track you down and have you fucking murdered.

Twelve minutes.
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About TheManchildone of us since 2:03 PM on 08.10.2011

HIRE ME GAME INDUSTRY. HIRE ME YOU MOTHERFUCKERS.

I am an aging man with starving children. I write blogs about video games. My favorite system is the Game Boy. I have three of them in my house; one in the shitter, one by my computer, and one in my pocket.

My aspiration in life is to not die. Runner up is writing and creating random bullshit related to my only hobby, which is games. I guess I read books too. But nobody cares about OLD MAN hobbies like that, so get outta town, GRANDPA!

My favorite game is Ecco the Dolphin. I like to speedrun it because it makes me feel like a big man, except when the credits run, which is where I usually reflect sadly upon the rest of my life. I love dick jokes and farts. Dickfarts.

I want to write for Destructoid some day, but the staff here are too smart to hire me. I need to find a clever way to trick a legitimate enthusiast site to pay me a small amount of money to do something for them or I can never happy.

But even then, I probably still won't be happy.

Such is life.

PSN ID:Phosisthedolphin
Steam ID:joeldavidpeterson
BattleNET:Phosis


 

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