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Surviving the zombie apocalypse.

I don't really see why people get excited about zombie games. I see zombies every day and while they don't shuffle, moan or chew their own lips off they are still zombies. I've had enough of zombies, I don't really need them to be the centerpiece of the games I play. When I see the zombies in real life, I witness them veer off course while walking in the mall or clogging up passageways. Outside they walk straight out in front of moving cars and when driving they steer cars with their kneecaps. Using hands and keeping your eyes on the road is apparently overrated.

There was no T-virus outbreak but this is a zombie apocalypse all the same. The zombies are not extras in a new movie, either. Sadly, aside from a new law here and there, very little has been done to quarantine and eradicate the zombies. It has to be done on a zombie-by-zombie basis and by way of local, social confrontation.

I was once accused of being a zombie. My parents said that's what I was. I thought I was just really good at playing Tetris and walking at the same time - while chewing bubble gum, at that. I was able to multitask and avoid human debris quite easily. I even did this while reading books, whether it be a Garfield collection or a Star Trek novel. Oddly, the books were never taken away as punishment for not listening to my parents - just the Game Boy because video games apparently create zombies.

My parents really just took it away so they could play Tetris later, as evidenced by the revised top score list I would see when my Game Boy was returned to me.

Maybe they were just conditioning me for the world to come because they were zombie hunters of a sort, Now as I walk around with my 3DS and iPhone in my pocket I see the zombies everywhere. They crave not brains or flesh. A singular need to feed on the living is not what motivates them. No, if they come after you for anything it will be your bandwidth so they can make yet more inane tweets and post more cats or motivational pictures on Facebook.

They even seem intent on telling me who to vote for a lot as well, even though the choice is between the shiniest of two pieces of poo.

While the F2P market struggles and Zynga quietly lays people off, the undead drool, squee and moan over the iPad Mini announcement. The walkers insist that smartphone, tablets and social gaming are the wave of the future rather than accept them as the probable fads they are before technology leaps forward again. Much like the motion controls that drew them in before, they're starting to lose interest in their smartphone games - not even able to keep playing the latest F2P smartphone game for more than a few minutes before trying the next one.

But its really the insatiable desire to socialize and connect that causes zombification in the first place, not games themselves. In fact, it was never games that did this. No one plays games and walks at the same time, aside from twelve year-olds. Its socializing without restraint that has become a problem. This need to be in contact with the other zombies at all times is what really drives the zombie, not social contact with a human that's actually there before them.

The only way to solve this is to both move beyond the smartphone and by having zombie interventions and rehabilitation. Zombies need to be reintegrated into society by socializing with living, breathing humans in their proximity. We may have to also turn off WiFi connections and shield certain areas from 3G and 4G signals so the zombie has nowhere to run.

I am not a zombie because the training was so simple - just put the gadgets away as you attend to walking and driving in public places. I look others in the eye and smile or nod to greet them as I go about the world. I look both ways before I cross the street and if I use my iPhone for anything while driving, its to plug it in to my car stereo and enjoy some video game music as i drive - which I do with my hands, not my knees.

You, too, can rejoin the living!
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About The Silent Protagonistone of us since 1:33 AM on 10.06.2009

I've been into games since I was able to reach the joystick on the Pac-Man arcade cabinet. That was 1982 - ever since that day I knew gaming and I would be bound by fate in some way, shape or form that I've still yet to figure out.

Until then, I've decided to just play games, enjoy them, blog about games and otherwise not shut up about them. Well, I do think about other stuff, I just keep coming back to the whole games thing.

Metroid is probably still my all-time favorite series. Its the one I keep coming back to year after year despite which version it might be. Super Metroid and Metroid Prime 2 are my favorites of the series and I also often enjoy anything Metroid-like. I enjoy the solitude and exploration of such games.

I also enjoy Shin Megami Tensei, Fallout, Deus Ex, The Elder Scrolls - pretty much anything with a lot of solitary exploration and a large world makes me a rather happy camper. To contrast this I usually need some lighter and happier games as well, which could be anything from a Pokemon game to a fashion game. Retro games of most stripes are something I still enjoy. Sometimes you just need that sort of contrast to keep going.

My platforms of choice tend to be handhelds, I'm starting to consider dropping any non-Nintendo console in favor of PC since Sony's IPs don't appeal to me and Halo just ends up on PC at some point anyway. I don't hate Playstation per se, I just hate what its become under the current Sony.

I do keep a PS2 handy to revisit Playstation's glory days. Great console, easily one of the best platforms aside from SNES, DS and Dreamcast.

As for other things about me, I guess we'll find out, won't we?