Let's not tickle your balls here. You know the format by now, so let's get bloody started!
1. I’ve not been around lately. I’ll be back soon.
Some of you may be wondering, “Who is this young upstart, masquerading as a member of staff? Stwike him woughly, centuwion!”
Another story as a child: One summer, a female friend had carefully choreographed a dance to the Grease soundtrack and set about performing it in the garden. Meanwhile, I stayed up in her room and played Revenge of the Mutant Camels
on her Amiga.
When she found out that I'd been up in her room playing a surreal scrolling shooter rather than watching her routine, she came up to her room and gave me a slap. I ran home crying.
I regret nothing. Ok, I regret getting slapped. But, other than that, nothing.
LOOK WHO CAME: