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Games Played This Month: March 2012


Today's the first of March, at least it was when I wrote some of this part. I always write a big thing, then erase almost all of it when I finally publish these things. Going to Boston in April, by that I mean this Friday. PAX East is a thing, but I feel really anxious about it.

I'm kind of a jerk, and being around people usually makes me more of a jerk. I want my picture in the robot helmet, I want pictures of me and everybody, I want to be aggressively loud the entire time in in Boston. If I make it home without dying or being arrested, I'll feel like I did something. I might write more about my pre-PAX jitters, I wrote a thing already about how all I want to do is wear the dtoid helmet and take pictures with you jokers, but this has nothing to do with video games I played this month.

As always, this stuff is less for you the reader, more for me and my lapses in memory. Keeping a log of what I'm playing and when is sort of important. -

But hey, let's see what games I played this month!

Space Marine - Steam

I got super into Warhammer 40,000 last year. I spend six hours at a comic book store watching dudes play a single tabletop game, and I was in. I was invested in watching two guys play a tabletop war game, with units I didn't understand and mechanics I barely grasped. I have a set of half painted Orks and Ultramarines that I bought, I'm about two hundred bucks into Warhammer counting this game and all the other stuff relic put out.

Fuck, I have a lot of time wrapped up in the silliest universe of content.

I mean that. Compared to Dragonbaall Z or Ninja Turtles, both universes had me hooked in my youth desperate for information to decipher them, but I was a kid. Spending hundreds of dollars on miniatures seems crazy, speeding hours painting them is madness. I did just that, I spent hours reading books and listening to Internet radio shows where dudes talked about all this bullshit, and I loved it.

Then video game busy season hit, I played every major release that came out, missing maybe two games. I haven't looked or thought about all this bullshit for the last six months.

And now I look at steam and accidentally installed Space Marine again. I said to hell with it, I'll play it, forgetting that my saves were lost in a computer switch. So I tried put multiplayer!

This game has a horde mode, which was patched in after release. It plays like any other horse mode, survive twenty waves of bad guys and you win. Bad guys get stronger each round, and there are optional challenges you get randomly to give you extra points to level up your guy. Unfortunately, I lost all the points from this round I played. The game glitched up and the two guys I played with said we couldn't just play again with each other, all games are matchmaking. Weird right?

I wasn't discouraged, despite killing the shit out of bad guys and losing tons of points, I wanted more. Much like Brad Nicholson said of the game, this multiplayer is fun to play. It is a blast to do, and it looks to have lots of customization options.

But after a couple versus rounds of capture the flag, I hadn't gained a single level. I felt dumb and like this would take a million hours to get anything cool. You can copy the equipment of dudes who kill you do you can use better weapons, but I just felt so boned and out classed by guys who played this and only this for six months.

I will say, the graphics in this game are astounding. Love the look of everything, the feel or this game is a little loose and the sound stutters on my computer, but blasting dudes is fun. I like it. I might play more, I might not.

Pokemon Diamond

Got eight by badges, and I'm done. I think Pokemon and me are done. I love the style, but the intensity of competition with their min maxed nightmares are something I don't want to be a part of. The game just on its own, I feel is imbalances. I used to like being a badass in a game and out thinking it, now that makes me feel like the game should try harder to beat me. I don't know. I loved this game last month, now I don't feel like talking about it.

Mass Effect 3

Picked this up on Sunday, the 19th in Charleston. Bought it because I know it will be spoiled for me if I don't. I loved the first game, was softer on the second, and with part three, I'm in.

I know some people who don't like this franchise. The cool parts of this game is just talking, so I can understand why some people wouldn't like it. Having influence in situations is what takes this game up a notch for me, I can be a space dick and save the universe? I'm in.

What really brings it all home is how relationships have paid off in this one. My allegiances with Wrex in particular was pretty satisfying, I had a space hug with a giant monster who respects me and said that his people would remember me standing up for them for generations to come. Every level I go into has crazy vistas off in the background of shattered planets and wild battle scenes where these dudes are throwing everything they have at giant space robot spiders that shoot the biggest god damn lasers possible. Every level has shit like that, just off in the background.

Plot wise, you'll be lost if this is your first Mass Effect. They said you wouldn't be, but this is Electronic Arts, who are have been known as cunts for generations.

Mass 2, I didn't do great. I talked about it on Bulltoid, we did one all about mass effect where I couldn't recall who lived and died, because I redid the final mission. Garrus was eaten by space bats out of nowhere while opening a door, so I did that again and it happened to Jack. I said, "too bad for her" and just kept going, I think. Samara, Legion, and the batarian guy all died I'm pretty sure. I was certain Morden bit it too, but he showed up and was awesome. Seeing all these dudes back again and having their stories have played on without me is pretty cool. Like Grunt, who is now a badass dude, I feel pretty good about where characters ended up. My save said six dudes were alive, I wish I knew which six. Garrus, Morden, Miranda, and Grunt have all shown up, but I'm missing some dudes.

Right when the game starts, if I was a reviewer, this game loses a point for what has to be the shittiest bug of all time. I'm playing on a profile fro before I was randombullseye, so no Xbox live or any multiplayer for this profile, and part of that is so my dude can look like the guy I made. Well, there is a glitch where you can't import a face from two from one to three. Something I the way mass effect made faces needed to be changed in the second game for the third to be able to use that face.

So what do I do, I don't have two on anything but Steam. I rented it for the 360, fuck I thought. I pop in the first game, load a save, and take a picture on my phone of my guy. I remake him, without his scar, and now I'm me again, just slightly fatter faced. If I was playing this game as a guy who didn't look like the mutant I made five years ago, the game wouldn't feel right. Especially having everything from one and two matter here in part three. I've had about fifteen hours of a great game, I look foreword to finishing I and writing my thoughts in the ending.

Right now, I just teamed up with the krogan and turians, and I've hired mercenaries. This has pushed my war number passed the minimum, but I want to get try and find the quandaries dudes.

One last thought, krogan women wearing space burkas is pretty hilarious. As a swan song for Bioware, mass effect three is a lot of great concepts added in, and I think these concepts included in the actual release were enough for me. I feel bad I never met the Jamaican prothean, but who cares.

Really wish I had bought a pc copy, I have both in there but haven't played either on that yet. My old save on an old profile still works, but multiplayer never happened for me. My galactic readiness bullshit was me doing as much as I could, until finally I just said fuck these side quests and finished the second half of the game out.

I beat it.

The last choice, I picked the middle individual path.

Shin Megami Tensei already did the chaos, law, individual ending thing based on choice, but it doesn't let you pick at the end. And doesn't tell you just before what those three endings are, which I found silly.

Am I crazy, or in the final battle did everybody forget where to shoot the bad guys?

I might write a big thing about this later.

The game worked for me. I loved it.


Started and quit before the tutorial ended.

This game and me have had a weird relationship. That demo I didn't like, and now this. If I get gamefly back, I'll rent it and part two and check them out. My computer was having trouble running this, more so than Space Marine which stuttered but not like Darksiders.

Baldurs Gate

Several more hours wasted trying to get the super mods to work. I hate myself. But I actually managed to play it, with magnify on my windows computer on my TV. The D&D battle system ensured that several of my characters were killed nearly as soon as I met them, and that setting up things for them to do without me telling them to attack wasn't exactly obvious. It was after maybe thirty minutes of using four dudes in battles when I walked up to this other town and was playing with their gear that I noticed I could set them to actually do things on their own. Thaco, the magic system, and all the other AD&D rules and D&D 2 rules are incomprehensible, by the way. I look foreword to trying the remake, hopefully I can play that full screen without using weird accessibility tools.

Dungeons of Dredmor

That spirit I have to conquer games that are difficult pulled me back in again.

Binary Domain demo

The yakuza team have their own version of mass effect in a cyber punk terminator game? I'm in. When I get some extra cash, I might buy this and support SEGA and my yakuza guys. Feels like they learned from Gears of War and Mass Effect, if Japan has a set of developers that know what their doing, the yakuza team does.

Mass Effect 3 multiplayer demo

I did this to check it out, I did it on PS3. It plays like horde from Gears of War with evolving objectives like Killzone. Not much else to say, it worked, it has ultimate team mode card bullshit, thanks Electronic Arts!

[size=20]Mine craft

I like digging for hours.

Streets of Rage Remake

I know you guys forgot about SEGA, taking down a fan game that took a guy years to make, but I didn't. This game, a fan game, took years to make. And SEGA busted it off the Internet scientologist style! But unlike them, I guess SEGA really didn't give a shit because this thing is super easy to find. And I found a save that unlocked everybody from the start.

So now I have a eat em up, with branching paths, with lots of characters, and the whole thing looks amazing. When I played as the effeminate biker teamed with the kangaroo, this is what video games should be. Even if it ran slow, this was amazing. If I play again I'll adjust some things and make it work better, but god dammit, playing with this biker was the best.

It wasn't just that he was this leather queen character, all his attacks reflect that. He is not your typical beat em up character, which was great. I love playing beat em ups with unique dudes and I've not played with a more unique character, unless it was from like Battle Circuit. Play Streets of Rage Remake, it is incredible.

Far Cry 2 - Xbox 360

We all remember Reverend Anthony talking about Far Cry 2. I went as far to call this a waste of time, which got Anthony to reply back with one of my favorite twitter messages I've ever received.

(it would be stupid of me if I passed this by and didn't post the message.)

But I find myself staying somewhere for a couple days, I've got my other other 360 here, I have a hard drive on it that I don't remember getting but ok cool. I busted out far cry 2 and now I see everything Anthony was talking about. I'm in. The giant world that forces you to play smart is a delight to play in, especially if you roll with the thought that you only have one life to live, like a rouge like.

So my adventures had me play a Chinese guy and blast around Africa helping out this warlord guy, somehow I got a buddy of mine killed, which sucked. He saved me like three times, and on the fourth time, I guess he stood there with his shotgun shooting nothing until someone showed up to kill him. That ass.

Once that hit me that I had one life to live and that if I die, I die; this game got intense quick.

So I start rolling as a sniper keeping my distance for dudes. Blasting through checkpoints suddenly gets tougher and I ran out of malaria medicine. I take a mission from the gun dudes, thinking I'll get new guns, but first I stopped in town to talk to a priest man who said talk to him for medicine. This joker gave me a mission to go talk to a general store. So now I'm dying of malaria, I have one life to live. Shit got real.

I managed to get to the general store, being chased by checkpoint buttholes the whole way. I took them out, got my medicine and when I left I started down to the gun mission to kill some dudes. I think someone's shooting in my direction, I get on my trucks gun blasting them, but i cant hit them. They ran away from my gun? so I get out to blast at them, but another truck rushes beside me that I didn't see, killing me instantly.

I died the shittiest death ever.

I might play this again next month, see if I can get any farther. I might start a new game or play from my save from a million miles away, I don't know. I liked it.

About five hours? Maybe six? I spent a lot of time with this. I feel like I lose time when I do, just driving Africa shooting.

Super Street Fighter 4 - 360

So like I said, I was at my parents place two days in a row, I moved I with them for a bit and when I got married I left a ton of shit here, stuff I didn't even know I left. All those PS2 games I bought, all sorts of weird action figures, I've had all my classic stuff over here, but today Ive been playing on the Xbox I left for my nephews to play on and eating slim jims. So I start going through cabinets packing all my DVDs and hitting out all these ps2 games and even some 360 stuff I left behind. Including Super Street Fighter 4, which was on Street Fighter 4s box. I guess I took that to my new place.

Street Fighter 2 was never my game back in the day. I liked it, but I didn't love it or have the connection with it like I did Mortal Kombat. I got into it pretty heavy when the HD remix came out, and I bought two of the three versions of four that came out. The online was so solid, and my zangief is fierce. So much so I want go to EVO and play Zangief.

I'd get trashed from not using the force attacks or understanding EX moves, but I'd compete.

I managed to do decently against some very good players. I actually got into Street Fighter the way guys get into pool, where you play and play and seven hours in you get your stroke and then your playing a game for real. I had days with both of these games where I would practice at it, fighting random online dudes every day and just trying I perfect my style with this game. Me and a another Destructoid user had times where we would play each other for two hours, using just the same two characters. Fei Long vs Zangief over and over, and then we would start at opposite ends of the select screen and just play with all these dudes. I'm good with grapplers, my friend was better with dudes like Ryu or Ken, but was amazing with Fei Long. I still love the time I poured into this game, but god damn Ive played so much of it and stink. If I'm decent with Zangief, I blow with every other character.

Today I felt like playing as Dee Jay, I could play with him before, but today playing just the computer I got smoked. I set it to hardest and got assaulted. So I switched to Zangief and blitzed like five rounds, but I got too cocky and got beat by Cammy. I'm always beat by Cammy. Fuck Cammy. I'm always angry at this, stupid Zangief can't dodge her shit. If I play, he can't dodge her screw attack bullshit. So yeah, fuck Cammy.

I quit after that one loss.

Feels like fighting games and me might be done. I loved Mortal Kombat, but after the story mode and some challenge tower, I was done. Online never works on the PS3 I tried to do their patch bullshit and it still wouldn't work right, so fuck that. Marvel vs Capcom 3is too fast for me, I might pick up Ultimate but god damn is it fast. Too many variables for me to really keep track of.

If I had a group of dudes to play fighting games with all the time, I would be in heaven. Especially of they were all about the same as me.

[size=20]Borderlands - Steam

Fuck, I can't skip any of those story bullshit at all. I really don't need any reason or motivations to go shoot bad guys, even if they're good and I'm bad, not necessary. If I have a gun and can shoot, I will figure it out. A half hour or longer for a tutorial is not necessary.

Considering that I only care about Borderlands because Reverend Anthony's writing something for the sequel, I probably should pay attention to this stuff.

I got this months after borderlands was new, steam sales are cool. This game, not so much. I love the idea, but the limitations imposed on me and multiplayer is not an option for me. I joined Destructoid to make friends to play games with, but that never happens anymore. Are you going to want to play this at seven in the morning? And what if we aren't in the same time zone?

And if we do manage to get online at the same time, we have to use god damned gamespy. Really? Gamespy still exists and is a thing? Gross!

This tutorial bullshit, I'm so angry about it. The slow way the HUD loads so dummies who never played a game before can get the idea is crazy to me. If you can't figure out health systems and how your ammo works, somewhere somebody fucked up. If I could get in on Goldeneye and figure that system out, this is easy.

The look of this game was better as a military shooter, I was more interested in the idea then. I know, the game looks great with this look, but I liked the other one more.

I find claptrap annoying.

But, the cel shaded look makes this stand out against things like Prey or Quake 4, or The Darkness. All games from four years ago, but still. The recent Rage, really wanted to do what this and Fallout does, but it just couldn't compete. If you compare Borderlands to Fallout 3 or New Vegas, even with bugs, I'd rather play one of those.

But the charm of loot collection is very much front and center In Borderlands. Equipment with different colors for showing which is better, right out of the massive multiplayer bullshit. It makes it easy to tell which items are better, but it makes me feel stupid somehow. I get caught up reading each little plus or minus and really trying to pick the right thing, then just say fuck it and pick something. I rolled with a machine pistol that had a fire element most of my time with borderlands. Just like Dead Island, I find that I can coast with one weapon or a good thirty minutes or hour, then find one that Julie's everything else out and I'll use it. Which makes me feel dumb, but I do it anyway.

Fallout New Vegas - Steam

I just wrote that I would rather play New Vegas, knowing full well that I actually did that. I decided to play it, and try more melee combat out. That might be fun. Then I recalled every check in the game is a speech or science check, so my other points went towards those. Knowing that I can get cyborgs implants to better perception and all the hats and glasses can buff that up.

So after four hours not playing the DLC, I just wander around being a dick killing things. I got Boone, because he will shoot anything that moves and the two of us are killing everything! I love it!

The DLC at the movies told me I needed to be level 15, so I started my quest to dick around! Hooray!

I played for maybe twenty hours? I took out ceases legion with Boone and Ede, which was cool. I feel like I'm just walking around killing things.

Onimusha 2 - Playstation 2

Fuck yes I played the shit out of this game. A good two hours of me kicking ass as a samurai motherfucker. I love it!

Decided to restart this thing, why not! I love it. Great gameplay, no analog control is jarring at first but using the dpad feels great. I love the way I can block and it blocks anything, that always makes using block feel like I should use it.

I tried looking into the partner system, and how giving presents works, but I just confused myself more. I'm just going to give dudes stuff when I see them and if they help me they help me, fuck it.

Contra Shattered Soldier

I think Shin Contra is a cooler name, but whatever. I want to write about contra soon. I wrote about Mega Man and Castlevania, now I need to do stuff like Contra. All of the Contras are so fun, even the bad ones, I want to write about them next month. Yell at me if I don't.

Super Nintendo Games Surprise!

Friday, the last Friday of the month, I'm picking out some games for my vacation next week. I'm going to PAX but I won't be there at the thing the entire time, so I'm picking stuff out I want to play but haven't.

Rickman & Forte

Mega Man 8 jr, but actually great unlike 8 - and without any annoying cutscenes. I feel like I need to write about this and Mega Man 8, been years since I've played either. A cool feature in this is picking between Mega Man and Bass and the two play differently, I love that. Bass has a machine gun that he can aim, he comes back again with those same mechanics in mega man eleven, nearly fifteen years after this Japan only game. And I still like playing as him, at least as an option.

Secret of Mana

I played this the most, I had a save game where my name was Snake and I was level three. I didn't know how deep I was, I restarted only to find out I was in the first town. Oh well.

I played up to the point I quit ten years ago, the water temple. I'm anxiously writing this from work, as I plan to go back and hit this game running today.


I was in the first house in the first town, level three. I may or may not restart this, but I really am not feeling Earthbound. I never have.

Dragon Quest 3

I got it in English and looking badass. So excited to put a hundred hours into this sucker. I wrote about playing the regular Nintendo game, and how I want to play this version. I almost played the gamboy color one, but I really like this. Especially on my big screen tv. Soon as I'm done writing this, I want to play more of it.

Include picture from iPod here, or yell at me because I passed by this bad forgot to do that.

Seiken Densetsu 3!

I've started this a couple times too. I never made it out of the intro where I picked a ninja twice, this time I was a warrior and got into some sort of battle at the start. It was kind of cool, I think this does the live a live or romancing saga thing. Where everybody has their own story, I'm in. This is Secret of Mana 2, which is really secret of mana 3, but I think it crosses over with Saga and Final Fantasy Legend, and I hate that. I hate that I am now standing at work typing and I can't recall what this fucking thing was a part of, even tangentially. I know for sure it is very much Secret of Mana like, which is a good thing.

Thought about looking it up today what series this is actually from, but I don't care. It doesn't bother me, I want to get this done and be out of here, sorry! I did put the correct title in, so that is a thing I did.

Games I didn't play!

YakuzaDead Souls

Ive called this Yakuza with zombies since it was announced. So excited for this thing. I'm going to pick it up new, I really hope it doesn't suck. I ended up buying mass effect 3 instead this month, I feel ashamed of myself. I really want to buy this, maybe when I get back from Boston? I want it and a couple days off work just to play it.


It was in the red ps2 cd case, which I left at my old place before I got married and moved to this place. Of course one day I'm flipping through games trying to find it, and realize I don't have it or Gradius V with me. I get so pissed when I want to play something that I know I have, and I left it somewhere where I'm not.


Recording some new podcasts this week, haven't done any in months. I want to start some new projects, Bulltoid is over and RandomHorror sort of stopped too. Big things in the works! Big big big!

Also I'm going to PAX. If you want to meet me and hang out, [email protected] is an easy way to contact me privately and arrange something.

That's it!
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About randombullseyeone of us since 5:44 PM on 07.05.2008

"I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol." - Words of wisdom from the deity Steven Seagal

"Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose." - Alan Moore from Watchmen

My own writing reflects the opinion of every corporation, company, individual, monsters, and gods. Also, cocks!

Coming soon as an actual book you can buy The Bonerquest. Hopefully you'll buy a copy when I'm done with it.

Will you accept The Bonerquest?

Zombies Ate My Neighbors is the best game ever.

Read fun articles Josh (Charlie) wrote for Tomopop or Nukezilla! Professionalism! Also I did some news for Destructoid. Sort of a real writer!

Check out Josh Hayes, a name Charlie uses for journalism on the internet so that he can say silly personal things without the fear of them being exposed openly. That and to hide from people he knew who he don't want to find him, not no way, not no how.

Twitter, or Tumblr!

Old School Games articles are pretty much worth reading. They say write what you know.

X-Com UFO Defense

Zelda 2

X-Men Mutant Apocalypse

Dragon Warrior III

Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse

Final Fantasy 3 (Final Fantasy VI)

Way of the Samurai

Nick Arcade

We Love Katamari

Ninja Gaiden

Toejam & Earl

River City Ransom

Mega Man X

Pokemon Red/Blue

Yakuza series

Operation Darkness


X-Men 2: Clone Wars

Sweet Home

Legend of Dragoon

Clock Tower

Mystal Ninja/Ganabre Goemon series

Onimusha Warlords

Rockin' Kats


Spawn games

God Hand

Blood Will Tell

Super Godzilla


Animal Platformers

Robot Alchemic Drive (R.A.D.)

Buck Rodgers Countdown to Doomsday

Darkwing Duck

Shin Megami Tensei games (Persona, Devil Summoner, Devil Survivor)

Jurassic Park 2

Disgaea & other Nippon Ichi Games (Phantom Brave, Makai Kingdom, La Pucelle Tactics, Soul Nomad)

Twisted Tales of Spike Mcfang

Resident Evil

Legend of Kage

Lost Vikings

Devil May Cry

Comix Zone

X- Men

Threads of Fate

Mutant League Football

Mega Man 7

Castlevania 2

Sonic 2

Dragon Warrior 2

Donkey Kong Country

Spider-man & X-Men Arcades revenge




Splatterhouse 2

Elevator Action

Mega Man 6

Mega Man 5

Dig Dug

Mega Man 4

Mega Man 3

Mega Man 2

Rock Roll Racing


Mega Man

Beat Em Ups PART 6: Future

Beat Em Ups PART 5: Playstation 2/Xbox/Gamecube

Beat Em Ups PART 4: Playstation/Saturn

Beat Em Ups PART 3: Sega Genesis Super Nintendo

Beat Em Ups PART 2: Nintendo

Beat Em Ups PART 1: Arcade

Smash TV

Ghosts & Goblins


Werewolf Last Warrior


Dragon Warrior


Rolling Thunder

Splatterhouse 3

Doom Troopers

Demons Crest

Primal Rage

Zero Wing


G. I. Joe


Listen to Josh "randombullseye" Hayes on Destructoid's #1 bullshit podcast, Bulltoid! There were nearly fifty episodes in total, good luck.
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