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RUMOR: Middle-aged Normal Human Male Loves Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

ďOh my God....itís perfect. Could this actually be true? Oh fuck....what if it IS true?! Holy shit!! IT'S GOING TO BE SO AWESOME!!Ē - my actual thought process

For the last week, Iíve been completely consumed by a rumor I read on the Internet. I know, I know, rumors get thrown around all the time and hardly any of them are worth paying attention to..... but this oneís special. This one might be real!

Before I go into the rumor, perhaps a little back story will help you understand my obsession. When the TMNT cartoon debuted in late 1987, I was the impressionable age of 6. I freaking loved it. I would watch the show religiously on Saturday mornings and repeatedly begged my parents for any and all related merchandise. Knee deep in licenced action figures, I would create my own action-packed TMNT adventures in the woods behind our home. I remember the burning jealously I felt when a neighborhood friend showed me the Technodrome his parents got for him. I considered stealing it from him but I wasn't sure how I'd get it out of his room.

It wasnít long before the Turtles crossed over into the videogame world as well. I have many fond memories of popping quarters into the original arcade cabinet while I waited for my indoor soccer games to start. I would always pick Donatello because of his sweet bo staff and attack range. This preference continued throughout most of the console releases too, my favorite being TMNT: Turtles in Time for the SNES. Ah, such a fantastic game.

But that was a long time ago. I tried getting into the animated film that was released a couple years back but it just didnít have the same heart as the animated series, though my nostalgia had faded a bit over time. In an effort to reclaim that lost feeling, I picked up some used Bebop and Rocksteady action figures I found at a local resell shop for about $5 a piece. Getting my hands on those figures again flooded my mind with memories that I hadnít thought about in over a decade. Itís such a crazy, wonderful feeling.

Another thing that has rekindled my warm TMNT feelings is a digital artist named Dave Rapoza. He did this beautifully gruesome portrait of Super Meat Boy which kind of blew my mind. To my delight, he recently did a series of realistic versions of TMNT characters that make my heart explode with joy. Here are a few examples.

These pieces managed to take the silly cartoon characters that I've loved since childhood and bring them into my current state of mind. Just looking at them makes me excited. Then, at the peak of my TMNT nostalgia resurgence, I read this on the Internet:

Is Rocksteady Studiosí next game Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Manhattan Crisis?!

Holy crap. HOLY CRAP! I've been incepted with this crazy idea and I canít stop thinking about it. Seriously, how easy it would be to tweak elements of Batman: Arkham City to make the best TMNT game of all time?! Who else could take these characters and treat them with the tender love and respect they deserve? Who else (possibly) named their company after a popular TMNT character?!

For starters, the combat is an absolutely perfect fit for a TMNT game. Theyíve already shown they can handle multiple playable characters with Batman, Robin, Catwoman and Nightwing represented in Arkham City. Imagine each the four Turtles with their unique weapons and fighting styles taking on hordes of the Foot Clan. Multiplayer could be pretty cool but I'd be fine with a single-player game that allowed to switch characters as I pleased. Heck, they could throw in Casey Jones, Splinter and Usagi Yojimbo too and make this grown man cry.

Speaking of characters, there are a tons of amazing villains in the TMNT universe. Besides the multitude of Foot Clan soldiers there's obviously Bebop, Rocksteady, Shredder and Krang being the main ones. I could see Baxter Stockman and Rat King also make some amazing boss fights but I'm sure there would be some unexpected cameos as well, if the last two Batman games are anything to go on.

Not to mention the free-roaming city environment lends itself perfectly to the Turtle's stomping grounds. Rooftops, streets, alleys and sewers (all present in Akrham City) are where they spend most of their time. My crazy brain tells me this could work so maybe it's true.

I could go on and on but honestly the author of the original rumor article did a nice job of summing up the obvious similarities of the two universes and why this is such an amazing idea. He also mentions a few reasons why this may in fact not be true, which I completely ignored. I don't want to hear any negatives right now - I just want an official announcement. Until then, I'm going to go practice my bo staff moves in the backyard.

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About Phoustone of us since 2:05 AM on 02.11.2010

(Banner crafted by the amazing COM 01)

My name is Eric. I'm 34.
Here are some random things I'm into:

The Buy it/Avoid it Report - back issues
#001 - Ilomilo, Uncharted 2, Infinity Blade, Pac-Man CE DX, Battlefield BC2: Vietnam, PixelJunk Shooter
#002 - Batman: Brave & Bold, DJ Hero 2, Dead Space 2, Bionic Commando Rearmed, Marvel vs. Capcom 3, Bulletstorm
#003 - Pokemon Black/White, PixelJunk Shooter 2, Monster Tale, God of War III, BIT.TRIP RUNNER, Torchlight
#004 - Portal 2, Steel Diver, Sin & Punishment Star Successor, Pilotwings Resort, Crysis 2, Blocks That Matter
#005 - L.A. Noire, Alice Madness Returns, Resident Evil Mercenaries 3D, Shadows of the Damned
#006 - GoldenEye 007, Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet, AC: Brotherhood, Sword & Sworcery EP, Trenched
#007 - Deus Ex: Human Revolution, Jetpack Joyride, Gears of War 3, The Binding of Isaac, Renegade Ops
#008 - Dark Souls, League of Evil, Uncharted 3, Batman: Arkham City, Super Mario 3D Land
#009 - The Buy it/Avoid it Report's Awards - 2011
#010 - Spelunky, Max Payne 3, Trials Evolution, Mario Kart 7, Escape Goat
#011 - Super Hexagon, Tekken Tag Tournament 2, Lollipop Chainsaw, Mark of the Ninja

The Play it/Avoid it Report - back issues
#001 - Bioshock Infinite, Darksiders II, Dead Space 3, Far Cry 3, Sleeping Dogs, Tomb Raider
#002 - Dishonored, DKC: Tropical Freeze, Grand Theft Auto V, Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker HD, Rogue Legacy
#003 - The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth, Mario Kart 8, Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor, Sunset Overdrive

Secret Moon Base - episodes
Subscribe on iTunes - a podcast about video games and other stuff with my pals knutaf and Occam

Spelunky HD - blogs
Mega Guide - part one
Mega Guide - part two

The Binding of Isaac - blogs
Blood, Shit and Tears - a love letter
Instruction Manual - w/ tips and tricks for beginners
Unlocking Godhead - tips for playing as The Lost

Social Network(s) - ugh
Twitter - @corduroyturtle
Xbox LIVE:Corduroy Turtle
PSN ID:Corduroy_Turtle
Steam ID:17wizards
3DS Code:4639-8962-6190


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