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This Victory belongs to Wuuuuuuu...

Remember Dynasty Warriors?

I do, vaguely.

The lovingly crafted historical inaccuracies

The camp men

The bad voice-acting in almost every game.

Dynasty Warriors (I'm going to write in the present tense and assume Koei are still pumping these bad boys out like the clappers) focuses on you playing as one of a number of famous historical figures - and some just plain made-up who had to navigate large maps based on historical battles and smack identical guys in the face with big whacky-things.

It combines two things:



...and it does it quite well. They're generally fun games.

The main problem with Koei's game development philosophy is that it simply consists of

A: Make game

B: Sell game

C: Remake Game

D: Sell game

Ad infinitum.

It's not a bad philosophy, and to be honest I really loved the first few sequels (after Dynasty Warriors 2 which was the first 'real' Dynasty Warriors as we know the series today), Dynasty Warriors 3 and 4 were really enjoyable and both had radically different takes on how to approach playing through a story based on incredibly vague historical accounts.

But there comes a point when you've bought 6 near identical games and start to wonder: shouldn't Koei put a little more effort in...?

I want more Dynasty Warriors, no doubt about it, I just would also like more depth - maybe a historical mode? Or characters who atleast try to vaguely dress like they might in the 3rd century China...? Hmmm...?????

Come on Koei, just remake San Goku Shi: Ei Ketsu Den, or even better remake Capcom's Destiny of an Emperor seriously that shit was hot. Add a bit of variety to your repertoire.

Ahhh, who am I kidding? Everybody knows Dynasty Warriors 12 is going to be almost exactly the same as all the others, but just with an 'anime-ise' feature which makes all the characters eyes go all cute and their dialogue go up an octave or so.

I guess I shouldn't complain too much, if it wasn't for Dynasty Warriors we would never have had classic Engrish lines like:

'This victory belongs to Wuuuuuuuuuuu....'
'Like lambs to the slaughter.'
'So, they have joined.'

And other such impressive feats of writing.

Oh well, roll on Dynasty Warriors 8: 3rd Century China vs Gundams I guess....
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About Panzadolphin56one of us since 9:54 AM on 05.06.2011

Oh hey!

I'm former male model and celebrity nutritionist Panzadolphin56. This is my blog. I write things here.

...in case the blog bit didn't give that away.

Anyway! To the left you'll find my latest blogs, and beneath this you'll find a fairly comprehensive list of most of what I've written over the years (unfortunately some stuff does eventually get bumped off the list.)

I like to write from a fairly critical standpoint about games, usually analysis or talking about issues that interest me, I also do retrospectives from time to time, talk about games I've been playing, write the funny things that come into my head, and very occasionally do some crappy art.

I hope you enjoy what you read!

I also do Lets Plays (mostly old horror games) so if that's your thing then click here:


Everyone who clicks will not win a million dollars!


A little about me:

I am mostly a story person, good mechanics are good mechanics but button pressing never does anything for me. I like Horror, I like Cyberpunk, I like Neo-Noir (especially crossed with Cyberpunk), I like good art and good writing, I like games that cut against the grain or choose to challenge social or industry norms in some way.

I don't have a single favourite game but I am a big fan of the MGS games, Snatcher, the Forbidden Siren series, Silent Hill 2, the old-school Resident Evils, Advance Wars and Power Dolls, among many, many others.


Critical Pieces:

How ugly should Horror really be?
Of Inventories and Horror Games
Crafting A Good Game of 'The Thing'
Alien(s), Creative license and Borrowed Ideas
Crossing from TV/Movie to Games
Scope and Depth in the world of gaming
Boss Battles - When do they ever make sense?
Survival Horror Essentials
Colonial Marines: Well, that kind of sucked...
Disability, Disease in Games
Blood 2 and Post-Modernism
Topics, Tropes and Atmosphere in Horror games
Realism Vs. Fantasy - Who Wins?
The gradual drift away from the mainstream
Is There Horror in The Ugly...?
The Fourth Wall and taking games seriously
Are You Always Online?
Hype: Aliens Vs. Predator
To shoot stuff or not to shoot stuff?
Character Design and Choice in Games
Culture Vs. Creativity: Where do Stories come from?
Where you go Isometric-Strategy Games?
What's the Point of Games?
Do Horror games even still exist...?
Why are Characters Always so White...?
Choice in Games: Heavy Rain

A Magical Dolphin Plays:

The King of the Wood


Resident Evil Remake
Aliens Vs Predator 2
Sweet Home
Forbidden Siren
System Shock 2

Pick up and Plays:

Call of Cthulhu and the Spectre of Good Horror
Story Books and Nightmares in Rule of Rose
B-Movie Bliss: Extermination
Along for the ride with Michigan: Report From Hell
Some thoughts on Wargame: European Escalation
Skyrim: Impressions

Funny/Less Critical Stuff:

Get Yo Summer Game On
Lazyblog: Box Art
Escaping into the Darkness of Hellnight
Diversity what what?!?: Black Mamba Edition
Why Do We Still Have Exploding Barrels...?


Dead Space 3, in a nut shell.
CROSSOVER: Mario X Siren
Boss: Learning the Tools of the Trade

Front Pages:
Tales from Skyrim: The skinhead shopkeep
Steam ID:Panzadolphin56
Mii code:This is a thing?


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