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LONG BLOG

No life # 1

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Good evening, ladies and gents. Recently I've been thinking what I don't share any thoughts on the games I play with my favorite Dtoid community. And that is just wrong. So let me come on…your monitors…ok, this joke is dead.

Space marine is a game where Mark Strong, some old fart and a 75 years old boy (Yeah, I know) are having fun while killing a bunch of plants FOR THE EMPEROR. So this game is like Plants vs Zombies? It would be, if it had a cover system. But since Space Marine does not feature a cover system, it is totally not a Gears of War rip-off. But, on the other hand, it does ripping off Final Fight. Both games are about one manly man killing a hundreds of other not so manly men for the greater good.

Shits and giggles aside, Space marine is a great game and totally worth your time and money. Sure, single player campaign is shorter than Hamlet by Kenneth Branagh. But you know what? I like it when a game ends before it starts being repetitive. But, I've got to tell you this game is like the manliest game EVAH. So, if you're gay and shit, don't even bother playing it.

Space Marine gets 4 plants and 4 zombies out of 5.

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I love to discover so-called hidden gems on the old consoles. It's my fucking hobby. And so I bought an old PS2 shooter Mace Griffin Bounty Hunter. Mostly because of the PSW review, where this happened: “Mace Griffin is Halo for Playstation 2. It’s that good”. Jesus ass! It's as good as Halo?! This is gonna be awesome!!!111


PSW reviewer gets 0 out of 5.

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Resistance 3 is a first game in the series which actually has a great cover. The first one was ok, the second one was bland as shit, and this time, just beautiful. As for the game itself, it's like a love letter for the fans of the genre. It is amazing what nobody making a big deal of such a well-crafted, well-made game. So much thought and effort were put into design. Too bad the story is still a half-assed something. I mean it’s better than previous games, even has some emotional moments. But overall it's still feels like eating an ice-cream after smoking a pack of cigarettes. Oh, and you fight humans in this game. SPOILERS.

Resistance 3 gets 4 Captain Qwarks out of 5

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I think by now everyone and their grandma knows about Dead Island. Honestly, lets be honest here. Like any Techland game, it's a technical mess. But this time the game is actually really fun. I just don't see why people saying that it is completely different from Dead Rising series. In my opinion, both games have very similar gameplay, but, at the same time, they use different approaches. I have only one complain: the infected. Fuck these guys! I nearly shit my pants, when I was playing this game at night while being shitface drunk.

Dead Island gets 4 banana hammocks out of 5.

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Believe it or not, I've only now played the Other M, and I liked it. Sure, the source material was raped sideways, but I think you guys are just being pessimistic. I think you saw this game like this

and I saw it like this

I-I do drugs sometimes(
Besides, if Yoshio Sakamoto directed the game, doesn't that mean what in creator's head Samus always was this kind of character? It's actually really sad. Good thing I'm not a Metroid fan! HAHAHAHAHA! The game itself is decent. The controls are…how do I put it…interesting. But have you seen how Samus run in this game? It's absolutely amazing. I can watch her do that for hours.

Metroid Other M gets 4 John Malkovich out of 5.

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A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life © Charles Darwin

Well, Charles, I wasted 10 hours on Deux Ex Human Revolution and I did not discovered the value of life, but I had a hell of a good time. It's definitely one of the best games of 2011 so far, and possible a GOTY. But, unfortunately, I can't see Deux Ex HR achieving cult status. It is a great game (sometimes even FRICKEN AMAZING), but not a gamechanger. Oh, and fans, original Deux Ex is not better just because it's old. Both games are great, Human Revolution is just a little bit different. I think it's better when a game series feels like several different games, rather than one big one.

Deux Ex Human Revolution gets 5 David Hayters out of 5.

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I've got sick and tired of hearing that this game is actually pretty good, so I finally played it. And yes, thank you all, this game in fact is really good, but still it's pretty hard to enjoy a game, when you're bleeding from your ears. Don't hate me, my brothaz, but I'm not a biggest fan of 50 cent. I'm sure he's a very talented guy, has a big black dick, and maybe he's even a nice person, but strangely he's the last thing I want to see and hear in 50 Cent Blood on the Sand, COZ THIS GAME ROCKS. Ok, it's not that good, but for the game with 50 cent in it, this game does, indeed, rock. As for the music, I guess I can always put Guile's theme over it, because Guile's theme goes with everything. YAY, I MADE A JOKE.

50 Cent Blood on the Sand gets 3 black puppies out of 5

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Xenoblade is great. But it’s only great in Europe.

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Oh, and by the way, I'm still working on that Destructoid comicbook, so don't you worry your little heart.
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Uh, sorry about that(
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About Dr Rainbowone of us since 3:26 AM on 11.13.2010

STOP EATING MY SESEAME CAKE

(note: English in not my first language, so expect some "poor literacy is kewl" in my blog)
Xbox LIVE:AndyAsteroid51
PSN ID:VaidSnakes


 

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