Wow I'm shallow. I want to get married and have kids, I really do, but I just can't bring myself to marry an ugly man. Unfortunately, all the men are ugly! Now I've been through some hard times, and I'm a brawler, so I've packed on some muscles... in fact, I'm looking pretty butt-ugly myself, so I'm no catch... but I just can't marry a vile looking, ugly guy. I actually completed the final battle in Fable 2 and I was still single and childless.
Most of the game is now over, and I'm just doing the occasional quest and buying up real estate so I can buy a castle, so I've decided it's time to try out marriage. I've searched most of the towns looking for a guy who's not gay, not fat, not balding, not unemployed, and not wearing a monacle (because that just looks plain creepy). In the end, I decided to just marry for money... or in the case of Fable 2... skill points.
I married the potion guy in the main market town and sure enough he likes to give me potion presents that boost my stats. I closed my eyes, thought of Johhny Depp and we had sex ... and we have a lovely daughter named Alice. We also had half the town in my house apparently watching us have sex - which was a bit disconcerting. Apparently there is no way to close the door on your own damn house to keep the lovelorn riffraff out!
What I don't get is how they are capable of making some of the women look almost pretty (except for my main character), yet all of the men are just uglier than a baboon's ass. Apparently there were no women on the Dev team? I can even understand that the game has a distinct art style, but it's the fact that ALL the men are ugly, but some of the women are quite presentable (though most of the prettier ones are prostitutes - but at least they're probably good in bed). A woman's touch in the game was also missing in the house designs. If you buy a crappy house, there is generally a large double bed and one or two children's bed for the kids. If you move your family into one of the more expensive houses, suddenly there are no beds for the kids, and apparently you all sleep in the same bed (which I guess does reduce the chances of having any more kids). A few days ago, I finally bought myself the castle. The freaking castle only has ONE bedroom! It's got a massive dining room, a kitchen, two libraries and only ONE frickken bed. I'm sorry, but when I spend a million bucks on a damn house, I want a separate bedroom with their own beds for the kids. Who designs this shit? I don't even want to move my family into the castle now. I've been buying most of the better houses, and they're all like that. The better the house, the fewer the beds. I can't help but wonder if this is social commentary rather than bad ingame house design. It does tend to be true that wealthier people have fewer children - and given that my family in the game constantly wants a nicer house, toys, gifts and a daily allowance, I guess it's easy to see why people who don't have kids do end up with more money and nicer houses. I finally decided on Bloodstone Mansion. It's in a town inhabited by whores, thieves and drunks... but at least there is a separate bedroom for the kid!
It's been several days now... and I have another kid. It's another girl. I don't have kids in real life, so I'm happy with two little girls! I've also decided to try my hand at bigamy because of the Achievement. I spent hours again looking for a guy that wasn't ugly, and finally married a female prostitute. Meh... I guess I'm so shallow that looks matter even more than gender, but now I'm stuck with the fact that my wife is much prettier than me. I guess I can drop the "Physique" skill... becoming less powerful in melee combat. I can also eat celery to lose the "fat" gained from drinking beer or eating pies. This makes my character somewhat more attractive - thinner, more "feminine". It's interesting how there is a correlation again to real life - eat celery and don't swing around a big sword, and you'll be prettier. I'm not even sure at this point if this again is a social comment or just a reflection of our current societal expectations for female beauty. Does power in women denote ugliness? Do we have to suffer and eat celery to look "pretty". I think the reality is that the game was designed for a male main character and the female is simply an alternate skin. This is why the "physique" skill adds broader shoulders. Still, I guess it might actually be an inadvertent form of social commentary, and I guess it's also a good internal look at myself. I dropped the physique skill, I'm eating celery. My avatar looks much better now, and apparently I'm much more shallow than I thought!
... though as I write this, I'm eating a huge peanut butter cookie for breakfast, with a cup of coffee. Maybe I should switch to celery in real life too?
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