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LONG BLOG

E3: Just how hardcore is the Wii U?

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A device being marketed with such high levels of convergence and usability that it looks like you will never, ever want to put it down, let alone share, isn’t cheaply or conveniently replaceable. You break it, and guess what? You just bought a new console, or have to send it in for warrantied service, which we all know is only marginally better than buying a new console.

Just take a look at the damage that has been caused with Wii Motes in the past.



Imagine that on a more expensive scale and then multiply that by the number of families with small children, who were safe enough to play Wii, but absolutely weren’t trusting enough towards their tykes to let them own or touch Daddy’s iPad. I hope that you can recognize how troubling that makes the Wii U tablet. It’s on the verge of being too hardcore.

That’s right. I just said that, and it fucking frightens me.

Only time will tell if Wii U is not only a quality machine, but also one that has the goods that gamers want. At this point in time, I can say without a doubt that it will sell. What it does for the people that own it remains to be seen. E3 is no better to gamers than a campaign promise is to voters. Both tend to become obsolete a year or less after we've given both our money and loyalty to our party of choice.

Let's hope Nintendo honors its word.
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About falsenippleone of us since 7:51 PM on 04.15.2010

I can't think of a good reason why I blog here, and honestly I think its only because I lack the self-control not to. In the past I have wasted way too much time socializing online simply because I liked the anonymity and all the stupid trolling that entailed.

Of course, this is a different place, you're all respectable people, and I am an adult who has grown into his three inch penis and the inferiority complex that accompanies it.

Hi, my name is J/Jordan/falsenipple, but you can call me whatever you like, or summarily ignore me if that better suits your fancy. I'm nearing on being old enough to be dead, from Chicago, and have been gaming since I was 6, which was awhile ago.

I have yet to mature since then, nor have I become skilled enough to beat Megaman 2, although it hasn't stopped me from soundly losing until I have won every other game.

None of the previously mentioned things actually mean much to me though. Frankly, as any good troll is, I am more interested in other people, which is why I don't talk about myself too often. I've got a mouthful of feet and a throat full of Achilles' heels. So making this introduction is more than awkward for me.

Most of the time I just stalk people around until they assume that I'm their friend, or a friend of their friend, who unassumingly has been shadowing the lot of them and pocketing scraps of their hair to make dolls out of.

Forget that you read that last bit. Also forget that I've ended multiple sentences with propositions. The devil made me do it.

I guess I should keep at whatever it is I am doing here.

_____________

FAQ

1. Are you a gamer?

No, but I've passed the Turing Test, so I can't rightfully be called a game anymore.

2. What?

Just go with it.

3. Seriously?

Yes.

4. Are you going to continue asking yourself questions in the third person?

I didn't ask for schizophrenia, but I'll sure as shit not be sassed by my own psychosis. NEXT QUESTION PLEASE~!

5. What games are you currently playing or would like to play in the future?

Battlefield 3, Dark Souls, Magic: The Gathering, Bioshock Infinite, and a bunch of other garbage. It's a lot easier just to stalk people online through their gamertag and psn tag than actually answer something like this.

You could look at mine (GT:OMGhotdogs, PSN:jsapper), but I don't exactly like most people enough to to game with them, let alone accept friend requests. I'm kind of a misanthrope, and spend most of my time mumbling to myself and hiding in dark places within online shooters hoping to ambush someone and steal their wallet and possibly ask them how punctuation works. You know, so I can type up readable things instead of things like this.

6. Are you alright?

No.

7. Stop staring at me.

That's not a question.

8. You're not making this any easier.

Funnel Cake?