Earlier this month, Occams sent me one of his famous packages. I took pictures and was about to post them up only to realize that my camera is a piece of crap.
I was going to retake pictures but I’ve already mentioned the crap aspect of my camera.
I started thinking and thinking of ways to overcome such obstacles and I was going to borrow my friend’s camera only to forget asking for it.
Because I want to share with you the glory contained in the parcel, I will do my best to describe to you in words the contents and my feelings. Opening It Up
It’s a nice little thing with stickers of fairies on it. For the sake of humor, I would blank out the addresses located on it and replace it with funny things like: “Awesome-ville” or “Canada”.
At this point my heart is pounding and my excitement is rising.
I open it.
The thing everybody is most excited for when receiving a package (Unless one is under the age of six, in which case bubble wrap and the box receive top priority).
First thing I notice are two, count them, two pieces of literature.
The first, a Bible. More specifically, My Little Bible
It has pictures of Jesus playing with children of multiple races and a puppy. Though not the Bible in its entirety, it does have the important issues like Samson and Delilah and Jonah and the Whale. Each story comes with a picture and an interactive question like “Can you find the lion in the picture?”
The second work of literature is an abridged version of one of the greatest movies of all time. Space Jam
Though I used to find the Pink Bunny from Space Jam oddly cute. Luckily, the Bible will save my soul from such...“tendencies”.
Next thing I noticed is this brochure of Haunted History’s Cemetery French Quarter Historical Tours
What better way to spend an amazing time in New Orleans than to go on a haunted tour of Cemeteries on a tour recommended by The History Channel! Home of Larry the Cable Guy and oddly addictive Pawn Shows.
Moving on are some trading cards.
There’s one of an F-4 Phantom Figther Jet with 700 attack power.
There are two Marvel Comics Superheroes Trading cards of Iceman and Wasp.
There’s this random one whose origins I’m not sure of, but it allows all my Brotherhood Warriors in my squad to use the Art of Exorcism.
Finally there are two AURGHDJUSPFIDJFLKJ!?!?!?
The hell are these?!!?!?! Garbage Pail Kids!??!??! EVIL!!!!
Not joking, they are scary as looking into the face of pure terror.
One is squeezing a zit and in doing so squeezing out all the mass in his head and this one girl has lips that seems to have swollen up to devour her own head!
Stuff of nightmares people. Stuff of nightmares.
That aside, there seems to be a business card for derma tan
They have Organic Airbrushing.
What package would be complete without some figurines.
In fact, they can only be shown so I did take pictures of these just in case.
(Cowboys & Indians)
(A snake that can pose.)
(A Gargoyle to protect me while I sleep...presumably from these Garbage Pail Kids)
(Absolutely no idea what this is....)
(And of course the famed statue of Cthulhu)
-Occams is awesome and I hope our friendship remains forever.
-My camera is garbage.
-Garbage Pail Kids are evil. Seriously, Google image the horror.
LOOK WHO CAME: